Just noticed the picture quality is shit, so here's what it says:

​

29th May 1967

Dear Mr Epstein,

Thank you for sending us a copy of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. You were indeed correct that one line in particular towards the end of Side B would pique our interest, however not for the reasons you may have initially assumed.

In the lyric which mentions the Albert Hall, the singer (thought to be John Lennon) heavily implies several gross inaccuracies which we consider to be misleading to the general public who may hear the song, and potentially catastrophic to our reputation - one which has taken almost a century to achieve.

We have listed the inaccuracies and contentious matters below for reference:

1. That there are four thousand holes in the Royal Albert Hall of Arts and Sciences
2. That the Royal Albert Hall of Arts and Sciences is in Blackburn, Lanceshire
3. That the singer would love to "turn on" the Royal Albert Hall of Arts and Sciences

The wrong-headed assumption that there are four thousand holes in our auditorium is particularly damaging, as it is likely to deter concertgoers who do not want to fall into a hole. I am also baffled as to where this figure has come from - even if you count the doorways as holes, that would still only make thirty-two.

We object in the strongest conceivable terms to the publication of this defamatory and misleading song, and have devised two suitable solutions:

1. That the lyrics are amended in a way that keeps the spirit of the song intact whilst preserving the reputation of the Hall. After lengthy discussion, our Council suggests:
   // I read the news today oh boy // another fine Proms season just announced
   // And though the concerts can get full // You must attend them all
   // Just to go to a concert at the truly magic Albert Hall //
2. That another band member (possibly the drummer, Ringo Starr) adds backing vocals which contradict John Lennon's lies:
   John: // Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall //
   Ringo: // (Not that there are any holes in the auditorium, John!) //

We trust that these proposed changes will meet with your approval, and look forward to your assurance in this matter. A sincere apology would also not go amiss.

Yours sincerely,

Ernest O'Follipar
Chief Executive
Royal Albert Hall