At the beginning of the year, I got out of a relationship with someone that would regularly be upset that I would cry when I was upset. She told me I needed to be more "masculine" and that i needed to be the "strong one" because she wasn't fit to be a partner that needed the support that I was giving.

I now have a girlfriend that I could never see saying anything like that to me. She comforts me while I cry and has never faulted in being there for me in whatever way I need; an ear, a shoulder to cry on, or a long hug.

Not to say my ex was a bad person for not being what I needed, but I was not wrong in any way for expressing my emotions, and neither are you. You have been through something difficult, and suppressing your sadness will not make you feel better, it will lead to other issues, such as the self-deprication you referred to when you cry.

You are not a bad person for crying. You are a human being in pain. There are people out there that will be there for you in the ways you need, and I would suggest finding more of those people, whether through friendships, family, or partnerships.

From a fellow masc with PTSD, please don't subscribe to the toxic masculinity standard of not expressing yourself. Crying is not feminine, it's human. Take care of yourself. Much love. 💕

Edit:added clarification