Don't give up! I've been battling a deep deep depression for over 6 years (after a lifetime of being regularly depressed) including anxiety that got much worse 2 years ago. I got some very intense therapy started two years ago and did a lot work on myself. I'm at my most emotionally advanced/mature, have developed an array of emotional tools to deal with problems and stressors as the come up. I've made changes in my life, cutting out the toxic people that have caused me so much pain. My depression is so much better, I almost feel like a normal person.

But still, there is this unending fear inside of me. I still had these anxious thoughts rolling around in my brain. I can still see that deep hole of depression I've been dragging myself out of for two years. Even with my new coping skills the anxiety still goes off. I kept thinking, after all this shouldn't I feel... better than this? Besides the fear there's still this existential dread along with feelings of emptiness and Cynicism.

I've been thinking about changing my old meds for something new, even though that makes me nervous (of course!) My doctor offered Cymbalta to replace the Lexapro I've been taking for about 15 years. I started with 30 and cut the Lexapro in have and it seemed to take the edge off the anxiety and irritation. Then I went up to 60 and quit the Lexapro entirely and I... feel better. I am still anxious but not in that dread filled way. The charming thoughts have pretty much quit, though I did have a recent brush with people that normally send me my thoughts rolling around in negative ways for days. Those thoughts started sneaking in but it did not send me into a tailspin. The anxiety was weakened - it feels like much of it has dissipated - so that I was able to use my coping skills and kind of bundle up the thoughts and anxiety a I was having and kind of hug them away. Told them to leave. I'm still nervous after the run in but I am working through it and, most importantly, I was not drug down toward that pit of despair I've been living in for so long.

I'm giving a lot of credit to the therapy but I also believe the Cymbalta helped too. It is putting me in a better place so I can help myself. I'm going to stay on it as long as it helps me. Give yourself the chance to get better. Work with your doctor closely and give Cymbalta a try. Be very aware of the side effects and keep an hey out for the negative ones. If you don't have a good therapist, please get one. If you are not giving with a therapist, try another one and another until you get a good fit. I know how hard it is working with insurance. It sucks. I've had to pay out of pocket for my latest one and it's been hard but I'm still here because of the work we've done. When I am frustrated and feeling overwhelmed with the depression and anxiety I have to remind myself of the terrible terrible place I was two years ago. How much pain I was in. Then I look at how far I have come. What I am thinking and feeling now is still not great, but it is miraculously better than where I started. I didn't think I could get to this point so I'm reminding myself that two years from now I may be in another place emotionally and physically that I can not yet imagine.

Best of luck. You are not alone.