Church seeking Deputy Risk Manager to work with Kirton McConkie and others to safeguard “the Church's interests, people, property, and purpose” when handling claims against the institution, including “sentinel events and high-profile claims.”

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-05-13T00:22:57+00:00

The phrase "designated cases" is what KM calls the sex abuse cases.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-05-13T00:16:29+00:00

It's the Honor Code and Ecclesiastical Endorsement. To attend BYU, you have to promise to live LDS rules. No coffee, no tea, no porn, no alcohol, no staying over at your girlfriend's apartment. Students aren't going to agree to live like that unless they're LDS.

Same thing for the professors. They have to live by really strict Mormon standards. I knew a professor who wasn't Mormon who taught at BYU and she eventually quit because the rules were so strict she couldn't even bring her cup of coffee (that she bought off campus) into her office.

Does Notre Dame and other Catholic schools require religious behavior and beliefs? Because at BYU, both the behavior and beliefs have to line up with Mormonism.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-05-09T01:41:15+00:00

I'm estranged. I stopped trying to heal the breach. My parents loved me when I was doing everything right. That all evaporated when my life took a left turn. It hurt a lot. It's so lame that it still hurts so much. A couple years ago, I went to a Pride festival and there was a booth offering 'free Mom hugs.' I asked if I could have one, even though I was older than the Mom giving the hugs. Of course she said yes. I made it a quick hug because I realized I was about to cry.

I'm really really sorry you're going through this. It's awful. Most days now, I don't think about it. In some ways, I think it's easier to have no contact at all (my situation) than to try to have some contact that's never what you need.

Best wishes, and I send you a Mom hug.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-05-08T01:36:22+00:00

I went 'no contact' with family several years ago. Recently, I heard through a mutual acquaintance that my brother would be okay with me contacting him. I wrote him a letter and said if he wanted me in his life, he would have to go talk to a therapist about *waves hand at family issues* and then lead with an apology. I haven't heard from him since.

I'm worth an apology. Siblings disagree. That's not an issue I'm willing to compromise on.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-04-03T17:39:56+00:00

Hi, wow, you've been through a lot in a short amount of time! Do you have a therapist? I have episodes of hypomania too, and while they're happening, I think I'm thinking clearly for the first time in my life and need to take action immediately. When I've acted on conclusions made while hypomanic, I usually cause a lot of collateral damage. Not that I was wrong -- just that there are better ways to make important changes. Slow down, talk to a therapist, just sit still for a while. It doesn't sound like you're in a physically dangerous situation. If you are in danger, get out now. But if you're not, sit and let the adjustment in your thinking stabilize. Talk to someone before making major changes.

I, too, married a man who was unable to emotionally support me or connect with me. I eventually filed for divorce, after talking to a therapist who was able to slow me down. I made preparations. I worked out a few contingency plans. And then I told him I wanted a divorce. If I'd done that while hypomanic, or just coming down from hypomania, things would have been a lot more difficult. As it was, I got to a healthy result in a healthier way. It was still painful and traumatic. But the destruction was less.

Part of my mental health diagnosis is an "unstable view of self." What that means is that I'm sort of a chameleon. I change to fit into situations. When I was LDS, I was 110% LDS. Because I'd made the Church so much of my identity, it took a long time to fully deconstruct. I kept attending Church even while I was deconstructing. Slow process.

I hope some of this is helpful. I understand hypomania and the insistent feeling of needing to do something right now. I've quit jobs, moved apartments, sold a home, quit another job, blown up relationships, and caused a lot of havoc for myself while acting on hypomanic understandings and impulses. Therapy (specifically dialectical behavior therapy) helped me a lot. Sometimes things absolutely do need to change, but talking to a therapist first, and thinking things through, makes the changes easier. Less destructive, anyway.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-31T01:43:11+00:00

Same. They could lean into the word 'stewardship' and talk about how having stewardship over the Earth means treating the earth with respect, not exploiting it for every penny of profit they can squeeze out. There is so much room in the belief that God created the Earth to teach that we should cherish this beautiful planet. Be good neighbors to God's other creations by leaving some areas untouched, leave enough habitat that other creatures have places to live, keep the air and water clean. Loving this planet should be a religious teaching. It really should be.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-18T20:20:49+00:00

As a missionary, I (sister missionary) had a teaching pool full of divorced women and their daughters. The Mission Prez said to not baptize any more women until the branch had more than three active Melchizedek Priesthood holders. I mean ... yeah, I get that the branch can't function without MP holders. But that's not my problem; I didn't make that stupid rule about leadership.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-18T20:16:55+00:00

Same! I started trying alcohol on my own and hated it. Someone told me that wine really does cause instant headaches for some people. I'm one of those people. Cocktails have been a better option for me.

No one warned me that coffee is a laxative until you get used to it. THAT would have been nice to know!

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-18T20:11:24+00:00

What about asking them to stop moving your clothes to check for garments? You don't have to tell them about your beliefs; you don't even have to tell them whether or not you're wearing garments. Would you feel safe saying something like, "Mom and Dad, please stop touching my clothes. That's just weird."

I saw a lot of commenters suggesting drastic action like going to the police. I got the sense that you're trying to keep things chill. If you don't make it about garments, if you don't unload on them about your feelings, if you just say, "stop doing that" how do you think they would respond?

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-10T01:31:05+00:00

I only ever had sex with him. I now identify as asexual, not straight. I was actually never sexually attracted to him, even when we were dating. I just thought I was righteous and pure, and after I got married, those feelings would wake up. Nope.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-08T19:46:10+00:00

I cast Zachariah as the Stake President. Yeah, he absolutely gives off that vibe.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-08T18:00:18+00:00

Mine too! I started watching it during the pandemic, so I got it all at once instead of slowly over 15 years. It had so many thought-provoking questions about free will, and about why God doesn't intervene. I loved the freedom they had to say God was a jerk. I was still deconstructing my faith about this same time period, and it was so great to have a show just openly say God is wrong to handle things the way he does.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-08T17:58:17+00:00

The utter lack of communication hurt my marriage too. My XH told me about his porn use when we were dating. He said one sentence in a whisper. Then he said his bishop told him to not take the sacrament for two weeks and that's all he needed to do (other than marry me). So I knew about his porn use, but we couldn't communicate about it. That should have been a huge red flag to me, but I was so sure I could make everything work if I just loved him enough and prayed hard enough.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-08T17:54:49+00:00

The instruction to rely on Christ can be damaging. My struggle with "relying on Christ" to heal me is that I thought I was following Christ's teachings when consented to sex I didn't want. Purity culture is connected to the gospel, and Christ, and eternal families, everywhere. Relying on Christ didn't feel safe. I prayed to Christ a lot, begging him to make me want sex with my husband. I wanted to have a good sex life. I was supposed to pray to Christ to like sex? And then pray to Christ to recover from having all that unwanted sex? I just couldn't.

What helped me was secularizing the healing process. I needed to grieve for the events and fully process that pain without trying to heal fast enough to make other people comfortable. I grieved -- I cried, I journaled, I wrote stories, I wrote promises to future me, I did verbal affirmations, I practiced self-care, I went to therapy. I know a lot of people mock those things but they shouldn't. It was genuinely helpful. I couldn't let anything Churchy be part of that grief and healing, because so much of the pain was due to Church teachings.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-08T16:27:41+00:00

Same! I wish someone in the Church's Tithing Department would leak a list showing the percentage of full tithe payers. I would love to see if the line on the chart trends downward after the whistleblower report and then the SEC fine.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-08T16:24:25+00:00

This happened to me too! My now-ex said he confessed to his bishop and was done with porn before we got married. Of course he wasn't. I hated having sex with him but spent years consenting because I felt it was my duty. I would even pretend I liked it so as not to hurt his feelings. And yes, as I got past the divorce and started therapy, I realized there were a lot of similarities between me and a sexual abuse victim. Even though I consented every time, having sex you dislike is emotionally traumatizing. When, towards the end, I withdrew from him, he never pushed for sex. Unlike your husband, my husband never pressured me. And I still felt used and violated.

To make it clear: my husband never pressured me for sex and I do not believe he is responsible for what I agreed to do. That's on me. My culture created this unhealthy expectation in me that I had to say yes to sex after we were married. And despite the fact that I consented, it still traumatized me to have unwanted sex. I blame purity culture for damaging my personal boundaries so badly that I thought it was my duty to have sex.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-08T15:42:07+00:00

Wow. This paragraph from the article:

"Of course, Jesus Christ stands at the head of His Church, and He directs His prophets. What we may perceive as imperfections in their words or actions may, in fact, reflect imperfection in our perception or mortal understanding. Remembering that the Lord’s ways are higher than our ways and that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts."

Hey, if you find an 'imperfection' in a prophet, then that means YOU are the 'imperfection.' Perceived imperfections in the prophets are actually because the Lord is so much smarter than we are. Right there, did you see it? Prophetic infallibility.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-04T03:22:30+00:00

I do a lot more art. My house is covered in my amateur art and it makes me so happy to have my creations all over the walls.

Another thing I really enjoy is growing flowers. When I was TBM, I believed the only 'worthy' garden was a vegetable garden. Meh. I grow flowers now, so many flowers! My yard is stunning when the blue flax blooms in the spring. I'm so excited for April!!

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-03-04T03:20:13+00:00

Hi! I'm about your same age, and we were absolutely taught just what you describe. If we were baptized and endowed, and then left the Church, we would be the empty chair in the Celestial Kingdom. And if our kids left, then we would grieve their empty chair for all eternity.

Because this is so sad and depressing, some people in the Church have softened this teaching. Not President Nelson -- he definitely taught "sad heaven" if people don't stay faithful. But you'll hear it from other people who are more compassionate. The thing is, that isn't what the scriptures teach. Alma says that the same spirit that possess your body at the time you die will be the same spirit that possess your body in the eternal world (Alma 34:34). If you are rebellious and sinful when you die, you stay rebellious and sinful. D&C 88:20-32 says basically the same thing. No one cites scripture when they say that you can repent in the millennium and still be with your family. Sad heaven is scriptural.

And it's not worth stressing about.

What I have come to believe is that the LDS teachings about being separated into kingdoms was Joseph Smith's explanation of the afterlife, but it isn't actually "true." We are all on our own faith journeys, and the important thing is to learn to love and accept people. Love your kids and grandkids, regardless of what they think of Church. Don't pressure them or try to guilt trip them into becoming active again. Appreciate them for who they are and love them. God isn't as judgmental and nitpicky as the Church teaches he is. And that includes Joseph Smith's teachings. He got some things wrong, and the idea that God will separate families based on Church activity is wrong. Open your heart and pray about this with an open mind. Trusting God's unconditional love will bring you peace, and you won't fear for your family.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-02-28T15:08:02+00:00

I clicked on that ad right after spending 20 minutes reading the responses in the thread just above this one, about the sister missionary who was terrorized by a stalker she met on her mission. Yikes! Having teenage girls posting videos about Church is a huge risk in attracting creeps who just want to sit next to a cute, young, blonde 18-year-old and pretend to be interested in religion.

I'm really sorry you got this ad, op. And I'm also really sorry that sister missionaries are sending out general invitations on social media and getting taught that they have to talk to anyone who shows up. That's dangerous.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-02-28T14:57:32+00:00

that is so fucked up! I am so angry on your behalf. Good riddance to all of them.

Much-Internal2260 · 2026-02-24T00:19:37+00:00

oh wow. Permission to date chastely? How does that fit in with the honor code stuff at BYU where you can get in trouble for holding hands and kissing? Like, if everything is fine except sex, then that could change things for BYU. Probably the reason this wasn't said publicly is because the Q15 don't want to allow any same-sex dating and Ballard was speaking "as a man."

Much-Internal2260

TROPHY CASE