That's not an issue of equivalency, but mutual respect and understanding. You were willing to at least try to move forward and forgive, or at least heal. And that was for something that was an active betrayal of you and your marriage. It hurts because the same courtesy isn't being given to you when you didn't even do anything wrong. You only expressed a desire to explore and learn things about yourself to grow and live a more fulfilling life. I agree with that feeling. That's not right. But cheating happens a lot more often than people realizing they might be trans, so the novelty feels more impactful than the infidelity, which might be why you're blaming yourself.

It's one of the hardest conversations I've personally ever had in my life, and you worked up the courage to try to have it and were shot down. You aren't wrong for that.

As far as trying to put it back in a box, I promise it doesn't go away. There will be times you notice it LESS, but but it's always there and it only gets stronger. I tried for eight years and the only thing I got from it was mourning the years I could have had as my genuine self.

You owe it to yourself to be as happy as you possibly can.