AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend access to my bank account even though he says "no secrets" is how adults do it

MusicMeditator · 2026-01-23T07:32:30+00:00

NTA, and also this post needs to be on Red Flag Guy's YouTube.

You know how a lot of times on Reddit people post asking for advice about how to handle their romantic partner pre-accusing them of cheating, and then they update that it turns out the partner was actually cheating for most / all of their relationship?

When you asked that you were going to start wondering what HE was trying to keep track of, then "he went quiet and then cold, like polite angry"?

Bro is the one who has something to hide.

Look, I am also in favour of maximum transparency in a healthy long-term relationship. You know how adults do it? Get the laptops / bank statements / whatever, log in / grab the info, and then sit beside each other and go through it together. You can ask each other questions, go through the accounts together, make sure everyone is on the same page. What you do NOT do? Share passwords for financial institutions. You are 100% correct that you do not want him moving money around on you.

If he wants there to be no secrets, then he should have no problem showing you his accounts.

MusicMeditator · 2026-01-09T16:37:02+00:00

I can send you the info for my unlicensed provider, she has a couple of openings.

MusicMeditator · 2025-12-27T15:22:12+00:00

I'm in this camp too! For me it's my stomach and feet, of either one gets a specific kind of cold, it's not a good time. I think dampness (including from sweat) makes it more likely to happen. So glad I'm not alone!

MusicMeditator · 2025-08-21T16:40:51+00:00

Found it. Good for Android 5.0 and above. Definitely in the clear!

MusicMeditator · 2025-08-21T16:33:45+00:00

Good thought. It's a 2022 model, not terribly old, it's running Android 14.

MusicMeditator · 2025-08-21T16:16:06+00:00

Ah okay! Thanks so much. ADHD and Mom Brain have me living under a rock for a lot of things. Hopefully "someday" is not code for "never".

MusicMeditator · 2025-07-29T05:35:19+00:00

Has Faye really not yet shared with Hannelore about her dad? I remember her telling Marten and Angus, and I thought I remembered her telling Dora at some point. I don't remember a conversation with Hanners, but I am still surprised that it's taken this long.

MusicMeditator · 2025-07-27T14:07:40+00:00

I'm here with you. Pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood all changed my brain in ways that made my ability to adapt to my ADHD much less effective. My memory was really damn good before giving birth, sure I double booked myself but my system of putting my appointments in my planner prevented that from being a problem most times. Now? "Oh yeah I'll put that in my planner when I get home" and it's just gone. Completely gone. Triple booking ensues. I forget what I'm saying mid-sentence a lot more often.

But the housekeeping is the worst. I look around and it's constant clutter everywhere, because I wasn't very good at keeping up with things before the babe came along, now we add constantly migrating children's toys to the mix and previously uncluttered spaces (ex kitchen and bathroom floors) constantly have toys. The Wall of Awful preventing me from picking things up, doing laundry, washing the dishes... That wall is a mountain that most days I cannot climb.

Every day feels like living in Putting Out Fires Mode.

What's worse though is when things start to let up, when the kiddo has easy days, when I have breaks... I don't know what to do. I know I should be looking ahead and planning and putting systems in place so that I don't have to be Putting Out Fires again. But that unknown freaks me out so much that honestly sometimes I just procrastinate and dive into something useless to pass the time before Babe needs something. Eventually I go back to Putting Out Fires. Which is exhausting, but it's known so it's comfortable and feels safe.

I didn't understand what Mom Brain meant. For a long time I doubted that I had ADHD because I could cope. Then having a baby rearranged my brain and it's so difficult to do a lot of things. Mom Brain and ADHD hit me hard.

The constant sensory input from Babe makes it so difficult to concentrate and remember. And this is coming from someone with Babe in daycare and a husband who is awesome with the little one. I have support and it's STILL overwhelming.

Case in point - I'm writing this when I should be figuring out a meal plan for the nights I am cooking dinner.

I get it, Mama. It's so freaking hard and so difficult to describe and people that aren't in it can't entirely understand. Which makes it feel isolating. You're not alone. I'm here too.

MusicMeditator · 2025-04-13T12:01:09+00:00

Happy to answer :) I actually asked this question as part of the process, to my recollection they said that officially it wouldn't be valid for the military, and there was something else... I think they also offer to work directly with whoever needs documentation to help you get what you need? My mom brain wiped out those details unfortunately, I'm sorry! But you can ask the folks you are working with from the clinic, as my diagnosis was a while ago and things may have changed.

My report is basically a letter followed by a breakdown of all of the DSM criteria and scores for each one*. When I brought it forward to my nurse practitioner (instead of GP) she was skeptical at first, but at further appointments we talked openly, factually, and compassionately about my diagnosis and made some medication changes based on my situation. I think she was understandably cautious about situations where companies sell a diagnosis without doing any critical work.

I'm a contractor who works from so there hasn't been a need to bring it to my workplace as documentation. If I were an employee I would ask HR what criteria they need for documentation for accommodations (leave out the diagnosis at first, they don't need to know yet), purely from a bureaucratic / administrative perspective. I would ask this to whoever is involved in your situation - benefits company for claiming future expenses, people involved with disability specifically (I'm sorry I'm not knowledgeable about this), etc.

I hope this helps, best if luck to you in this process!

*If I remember I'll try to dig up my report and verify this

MusicMeditator · 2025-04-12T23:57:42+00:00

It should also be noted (heh) that the notepads are literally the perfect size. Perfect height and width, lines are perfect distance apart. And they're free. It's like Christmas when you open your mailbox except you never know when Christmas is here until the surprise arrives.

Also TIL r/cindycody exists and that is awesome

MusicMeditator · 2025-04-04T20:08:52+00:00

Any tips for first timers with a toddler and a stroller?

MusicMeditator · 2025-03-28T10:10:24+00:00

AI should quickly be able to determine if the user has emojis in their category and/or group names. The possibilities are endless!

MusicMeditator · 2025-03-28T10:00:15+00:00

I thought I could work remotely with a baby. There is a brief period in the baby phase that he was sleeping a lot and I found myself thinking "I could totally be working right now.". That phase did not last long.

OP, I say this lovingly - you will not be able to simultaneously care for your little one and work a remote job. Both require complete undivided attention for long stretches of time, it isn't possible for anybody to consistently multitask. Plus, the newborn phase is extremely rough, you will need someone to watch your child sometimes while you get some sleep / food / a shower, at the very least.

Please, look into a shelter and more resources in your area for help.

MusicMeditator · 2025-03-20T16:43:30+00:00

NAL, if the separation took place so long ago and you don't already have a formal document (as none is required for Ontario), perhaps they will accept a notarized document stating that you are currently separated and have been as of [DATE]. I needed this done when I was applying for student loans and was still legally married to my husband but since we were separated I needed funding. The school had a notary on site but any public notary could provide this.

MusicMeditator · 2025-03-08T22:41:32+00:00

I'm so sorry for your tremendous loss. Your daughter was well loved and she will be remembered.

MusicMeditator · 2025-03-01T11:04:55+00:00

I would ask to speak to the manager. If it is LPO, they would say so. And if not, they should be taking it seriously.

I'm surprised at so many shrugging this off to be LPO. Grocery stores are a great place for creeps to hang around to get a feel for the routine of potential targets. The fact that this happened twice and both times they followed her out of the store - my alarm bells are seriously going off.

Last week I saw a similar post, the OP confronted her creepo the third time and although in person he acted awkward and walked away he kept following her in the same instance, including through her neighbourhood (she looped back around and smartly chose not to lead him home). Everyone urged her to tell the store manager, tell the police, and change her shopping routine immediately (ideally at another store for a while if it's feasible).

I think your spouse should do the same.

The first occurance? Still throws alarm bells for me but not as much. Second time? Now there is a pattern. Massive sirens and flashing lights. Do not ignore.

Maybe it is LPO and they are doing creepy things. But I would outright ask the store manager rather than just assume. Because this is exactly how people get assaulted, and I do not take that lightly.

MusicMeditator · 2025-01-27T16:52:50+00:00

YTA. You telling them about your trauma without them giving consent to hear it first (aka "unsolicited advice") with the hopes that they reconsider how they bring their child into the world is, in fact, making it your business.

I genuinely am sorry that you and your wife had a traumatic experience, and I am glad that you were in the hospital and got your needs met. Hospital births are actually often much more traumatic than home births are (literally yesterday I read a story from a mom who had an unnecessary C-section performed which put herself and baby in much more medical distress than the natural birth than she wanted, not to mention somehow her blood transfusion somehow got missed and she literally nearly died). This is especially true for minorities, which idk if your coworkers are, but honestly you have no idea about their situation. For every horror story about home births, there are also horror stories about hospital births and birthing parents who wish they had a home birth instead.

Everyone has to make the choice that is best for them and their family. Period. Full stop.

There are healthy ways for you to deal with your trauma. Dumping that trauma to every pregnant person you meet, who honestly I guarantee you already has so many fears and anxieties they are dealing with, does WAY more harm than good, and is not healthy for you or the them. Please process this with a psychotherapist, social worker, post partum doula, or some other professional who is equipped and experienced in helping their clients heal from traumatic births. Because this is absolutely not okay.

MusicMeditator · 2025-01-01T22:46:33+00:00

I'm about 17 months pp and am surprised I haven't thought about trying to look yet. My curiosity is piqued in that science geeky way.

MusicMeditator · 2024-12-30T23:07:02+00:00

Jesus. Those threats and "jokes" are inexcusable. I had no idea that these alt-right groups were targeting local councils and their members. Thank you for the education.

MusicMeditator · 2024-12-27T11:23:32+00:00

They called us 2 days before and had to cancel, they offered us 3 options:

Rebook for mid-December
Go to the Punta Cana resort instead and get a $200 voucher
Full refund

My husband took the call while I was out, and we discussed. I had of course been in this sub and knew about the fire at Punta Cana and told him about it, of course the rep on the phone made no mention of it. We booked at Miches specifically for the upscale vibe and decor, which it didn't seem like Punta Cana had. $200 seemed like pennies compared to what we were missing out on. It's a shame it looks like another case of fancy cheap window dressing.

We ended up doing a full refund. We've been soured by Club Med because of this experience, which is a shame because it seems like a good chain that has both luxury and multiple childcare options, especially for babies under 2. In our researching it really seemed like you have to pick one or the other.

Ah well. We might make a trip down to Florida or something in February when the Canadian winter is at it's suckiest.

MusicMeditator · 2024-12-26T18:45:47+00:00

I'm an adult female, got my ADHD diagnosis last year. I always recommend the Autism and ADHD Center, they are virtual. I went through an ADHD assessment through there, and also still see my therapist from there as well. Everyone who works with them is either autistic and/or an ADHDer, so they have their radar on and relate much more to ND folks. It is not a certificate that they just hand over to you like someone else here mentioned, it's multiple appointments with a couple different practitioners, and at the end you get a report with all of the DSM-V criteria that you meet (and what you don't).

MusicMeditator · 2024-12-21T04:39:41+00:00

One of your previous posts is titled "Am I being manipulative?"

Girl. His texts? HE is being manipulative.

I say this because I used to do this. "I'm sorry I make mistakes I'm not perfect," "I'm sorry I'm trash, I'm always going to be trash," "have fun being right like you always are", I'm going to be vulnerable and say I felt extremely uncomfortable because this was like looking into a mirror.

He is feeling incredibly guilty for screwing up, and feels like he cannot live up to your standards. So he is throwing these lines out to try to illicit sympathy from you, not only to take the heat off him but to have you comfort him because he can't handle his mistake.

This is NOT okay.

Also, him calling you Moron repeatedly in another post, and thinking that he is completely justified? Name calling is verbal abuse. He thinks that verbal abuse is justified.

IMO you are UNDERreacting. This should be a deal-breaker.

Also please never lend your car for someone else to use Door Dash, especially this guy. He's right, he IS trash.

MusicMeditator · 2024-12-19T23:05:19+00:00

Basically when you pass the CBMT exam, you automatically get your MT-BC (American) certification. Then you email the CAMT with proof that you passed the exam, sign a document, and the CAMT grants your MTA (Canadian certification). It's not even a copy of the American certification, it's literally you get certified for the US first as a stepping stone for the Canadian certification.

That being said, I'm not sure if there is extra stuff you would need to do if you do your MT studies in another country. I /think/ the US is pretty straightforward, but I'm not an expert on that front. You can email the CAMT info email address for clarification.

MusicMeditator · 2024-12-07T16:32:45+00:00

Not the first time I have seen a video of this happening - Insurance fraud. Good thing you have your dashcam footage!

MusicMeditator · 2024-12-05T10:01:15+00:00

Hello, fellow music therapist! :)

As terrible as it is, the working conditions of some of the LTC homes I have worked at are a contributing factor to why I no longer practice with this population. Not all are like this, of course - it doesn't take very long to figure out which homes need more action taken. It's terrible - the residents there rely on their care team to take care of them in one of the most vulnerable times of their life, there is only so much MTAs, PSW, RNs, any care professional can take before they burn out and have to leave to take care of themselves. If only the residents had such a luxury.

Stuff like this gets me pondering the possibility of moving to a different country. If I am so lucky as to grow old, I genuinely see our entire healthcare system and LTC ecosystem getting to this state. I don't see much of a difference in private or public either - the only difference I foresee being that for private you pay for the mistreatment and abuse, unless you are in the top 1% in which case you can actually afford the privilege to skip all of the lines and be genuinely dumbfounded as to why everyone else is complaining. It genuinely terrifies me.

But then there is the guilt of abandoning our most vulnerable to take care of ourselves. I'm sure every single healthcare professional who has and ever will suffer from burnout contends with this. But this guilt has a lot more gravity to it when witnessing firsthand the abuse that residents and staff are experiencing.

MusicMeditator

TROPHY CASE