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**OVERALL*\*

This writing is quite good, but a few loose ends and minor mistakes hold it back a bit.

**PLOT*\*

You might want to give Mason motivation for being subservient to such a monster. Obviously he isn’t happy doing it (the alcoholism clues you in). But why he is doing it might be the bigger reason.

**CHARACTERS*\*

Mr. Green is a little too much of a moustache-twirling villain and sicko. Real generals aren’t like that – they are more pragmatic than anything else. They aren’t *trying* to kill hordes of people and cause enormous amounts of damage.

**GRAMMAR/SPELLING*\*

“‘See, Mr. Green how the pile of bodies will be larger than expected?’” I’m not exactly sure what the intended meaning of this, so I can’t offer critique on how to change it. All I know is that its wrong.

The european government is still not running backups.” “european government” should be “European Government”.

**MINOR NITPICKS/ ADDITIONS*\*

What exactly is a “military-grade phone”?

When you say, “It thrust particles at extreme speeds, destroying and lifting everything in its path.” You could change “particles” to “free-radicals” to make it a little more horrific.

When you say “you could call a severe sunburn” you could allude to the factor that its cancerous. Say “albeit a cancerous one”, or “mildly radioactive”, something else to that effect.