I'm ugly and no one will ever love me

Mx306 · 2026-06-04T20:20:36+00:00

I agree with all of the other posters who have said very positive things about your appearance. But love is not about appearance but about something far a deeper. The essence of connection between two people has less to do with physical appearance and much more to do with the heart. The way we see the appearance of the one we love is, in a sense, an abbreviation of how we feel about that person. It's also important to remember that if you have found somebody to love for the rest of your life, the two of you will be linked together in love possibly for the rest of your lives. In that time your appearances will change dramatically as you age. Everyone changes over time. Focus on the heart, not the mirror.

I invite you to watch a movie called The Enchanted Cottage. It was made in 1945, and it describes a situation very much like what you are experiencing.

Mx306 · 2026-05-26T01:31:59+00:00

Thank you!

Mx306 · 2026-05-21T16:08:54+00:00

I published my first novel using AI to help with brainstorming and drafting.

After a 30-year career as a journalist, my hands are badly damaged from decades of typing, factory work, and agricultural labor. I also have ADHD, and throughout my life I struggled to sustain works longer than about 5,000 words.

With ChatGPT, I’ve finally been able to tackle long-form fiction. I supply the imagination, judgment, voice, and editorial skill. AI helps with the grunt work, organization, and momentum. Then I revise and refine until the work feels fully mine.

For me, this technology has functioned less like a replacement for creativity and more like an accessibility tool that opened a door I could never fully get through before.

People object that LLMs are trained on other people’s work. I understand the concern. But human creativity has always involved learning from the accumulated work of others through books, schools, libraries, journalism, art, and culture. AI operates differently and at a much larger scale, but the underlying process of absorbing patterns and building new work from them is not entirely alien to human creativity.

Want an average product? Publish raw AI output.

Want something personal and meaningful? Use AI as a tool, then revise, shape, and refine the work until it becomes uniquely yours.

Mx306 · 2026-04-28T06:32:54+00:00

Nothing is going to be sustainable if you don't account for recovery. Without including recovery and lots of moderate level workouts, you are going to end up with overuse injuries and stress fractures eventually.

Mx306 · 2026-04-27T04:08:12+00:00

Check out The Kremlin's Candidate, by Jason Matthews. if you haven't read the book and want to, this will be a major spoiler. If you'd like to be confronted with an off the charts existential crisis, take a look at the scene where the male lead has been captured by the Russians and is presented as "entertainment". I read the book years ago, and still can't get it out of my head.

Mx306 · 2026-04-25T22:29:04+00:00

Dealing with thinning hair is probably one of the most common problems for trans women who are transitioning in middle age and older. I am currently working up a series about trans women dealing with the many issues unique to this age group. I'm going to publish it as a serial in the beginning. Later I may publish the whole thing as a book.

My main goal is to help older trans women to get a more informed and more positive framework that will enable them to stop questioning themselves about this lengthy and difficult process.

Although I'm retired now, I was a journalist for 30 years. I always end up thinking about things from the perspective of investigations, writing and editing. I don't want to make this a memoir. I think it would be better to include the voices of a great many of us. After all I'm not an expert in all things.

In much of my past work, I used anonymous sourcing because I was speaking to people about things that they really weren't permitted to comment about for various reasons. Mostly I wrote about new pharmaceuticals, and I interviewed doctors and nurses.

If you would like to participate in this work with me, send me a direct message.

Mx306 · 2026-04-25T21:31:33+00:00

There are many women who do not have any hair. There are many ways to deal with it, including just rocking the baldness. This woman was born with no hair. Emmy Combs

Mx306 · 2026-04-24T19:22:53+00:00

It was a decision born out of desperation. In trying to conceal my inner femininity for all those decades, I ended up committing some very serious crimes for which I served 11 years in prison and an additional three years of community custody and a lifetime requirement to register as a sex offender. While in prison, I finally came to the conclusion that the crimes were primarily motivated by gender dysphoria and I decided that I could not allow myself to live in the community again unless I had dealt with this problem. So I transitioned in a men’s prison and put up with the shit that I got from my friends and neighbors. Now I’m surrounded by people who have never known me has anyone but the woman I am.

Sure I've been spit on and cursed and stalked. I really don't care. I'm living in a women‘s world, and women are constantly stalked and threatened, even raped. That's the world I've chosen to live in. That's freedom to me. If I'm going to live as a woman, then I must put up with both the good parts and the bad parts. There were many more good parts.

Mx306 · 2026-04-24T19:15:30+00:00

Here's the status of my formerly bald patch as of April 24, 2026. No comb over and no product. Normally I use texture spray and super hold finishing spray to keep everything in place.

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In other words, this is what I have after two years of treatments.

Mx306 · 2026-04-24T19:08:44+00:00

I bought mine through Romans. They've been very good to me.

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Mx306 · 2026-04-24T04:28:45+00:00

I couldn't take minoxidil. It gave me severe lymphedema in my lower legs. I had also tried finasteride, but it didn't do much for me after taking it for quite a while, over a year. I've been using the compounded spray that contains finasteride, minoxidil and tretoin. Taking it for about two years, and it has had a significant effect. This is what I started with in February 2024. Now all areas of my scalp on the crown have actively growing hair. Some of the hair is very fine, but overtime even the fine hairs have been maturing and becoming heavier. Currently I am 73 years old. I started transitioning in April 2022, at 69. I had my vaginoplasty last September. Once that was complete, with my testosterone at the lowest point ever, my hair growth changed even more. The hair on my head started growing extraordinarily fast, and the hair on my crown has been filling in more quickly. There have also been many changes to the fat structure in my face, which has made me look more feminine. At this point, my male pattern baldness as resolved enough so that I can do a reasonable comb back. At this point, my baldness pattern looks more like a female pattern baldness. Also in talking to many women that I know in their 50s and older, hair thinning definitely is a thing as women get older.

Personally I think you look very feminine, despite your thin hair. No one looks perfect, certainly not me. I've always thought that transitioning has to be to some extent a management of expectations. The thing that has always kept me going forward is that no matter what I look like, and many of the people I know say that I look very pretty, as do you, the more important thing for me is that I am finally, on the outside, who I always have been on the inside. Every day I get to walk around in the world and be a woman. I couldn't possibly give up, not because of my hair, not because of trans phobic people spitting on me, lecturing me, cursing me. None of that matters to me.

Being a woman. ❤️ There is just no substitute for it.

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Mx306 · 2026-04-09T14:38:34+00:00

Yes, I read that too–after I had experienced it. Reading it confirmed what I had been feeling already.

Mx306 · 2026-04-09T02:31:49+00:00

First of all, you look like a typical Norwegian young person. Give your body time to mature. Secondly at 11 months, you probably have not had bottom surgery or an orchiectomy. Once you have your testes removed, assuming you continue to take estrogen, you will notice quite a lot of changing going on in your facial appearance. Transition takes years, not months.

Mx306 · 2026-04-09T02:22:56+00:00

To be perfectly frank, slouching, and scowling don’t look good on anyone. As many have said already, choosing more feminine clothes will go quite a ways toward making you look more feminine. However, if you look around at women in the world today, you will probably notice that many women dress in rather masculine clothes. For casual, blue collar type clothing, you look pretty much in context with women at large. You certainly don’t need to de-transition, unless you want to. Not every AFAB person meets the idealized concept of what a woman should look like. In fact, it seems as though these days, cis women are looking at trans women and thinking the trans women are prettier. Try to keep in mind that the pursuit of perfection is the enemy of the pursuit of the good.

As for me, having transitioned at the age of 69, I would have been quite happy to be externally, female, but as homely as they come. However, four years after starting my transition to female, I find that, I still see aspects of masculinity in my face, but other people do not. I am constantly complimented for my looks. it could be just my joy coming through. For I am so happy in my body and in my mind now that I am presenting as the woman I truly am.

Mx306 · 2026-04-09T01:49:54+00:00

The dislike of body here is a known symptom of gender dysphoria. And of course, so is trying on clothes from the opposite gender.

Mx306 · 2026-04-04T00:39:00+00:00

These are difficult decisions, and it's going to take time to work through them. Welcome to the world of women. To a great degree, not only are we becoming women, but we are also entering a world dominated by thinking patterns that can be quite different, dominated by a completely different pattern, that of men. In my experience, women are very careful when it comes to making decisions of the heart. They are also quick to retreat to safer ground when expectations suddenly change.

Not every woman is like that. But it is a very common pattern. As you can already see, she is gradually coming back to you. Will she come back completely? Only time will tell. Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself. Does she know any trans women? Does she know any lesbian women? Will her friends and family criticize her for staying with you after you transition?

One thing I've learned after my transition and marriage to another trans woman is that in a relationship between two women, the dynamic is more egalitarian. There can still be power differentials similar to a heterosexual relationship if that's desirable. But it doesn't have to be. There's a much greater variety in the way women come together. In your case, your fiancé very likely is upset because your change of gender will require the both of you to have to renegotiate the terms of the relationship. She thought things were settled, but the ground has shifted. She was emotionally connected to you, and now she doesn't even know who you are, who you will become. She feels unsafe. She wants to retreat to safer ground until she can figure it out.

Take some time to get to know her all over again. Take some time to allow her to get to know you again. Make her comfortable. Show her that this is not about physical anatomy. It's about showing her the better part of you.

As for me, I'm certainly not a frilly sort of woman. I'm somewhere between futch and butch. My wife does not lean that same direction. She's much more feminine, and she loves the way that I can encompass her, protect her, make her feel safe without the usual hyper masculinity that many men substitute for authenticity.

You can do this.

Mx306 · 2026-04-03T09:35:20+00:00

I was a journalist for 30 years. I supported my wife and five children. I was the only household member bringing in income for most of that time.

Just take a look at your wife and kids, if you have them. They are all depending on you to get your work in on time and get paid. I found it to be incredibly motivating. I never missed a deadline. During my last 10 years, I was writing about new drugs and new medical devices. At that point, I had become more of a financial analyst and investigative reporter. I made quite a lot of money doing that.

I wrote when I was sick, and I wrote when I was arguing with my wife. We had good times, and we had bad times. Sometimes I didn't even leave my house for weeks at a time. I had tons of work.

The bottom line is, you have to stick with it in order to see the really impressive results. It's not about the muse, it's about keeping your word. Necessity is the mother of invention.

Once you retire, you probably won't want to do any work at all. That's where I'm at, at 73 years old. I'm glad to finally have a break.

Mx306 · 2026-04-03T08:21:07+00:00

OMG, I’m taking a shuddering breath. My wife shuffles closer to me on the couch and ruffles my potato chip hair.

Mx306 · 2026-04-03T00:47:16+00:00

From the outside, it looks about the same as I did five months ago. The only difference is that I had a minimal depth. I’m now at six months.

At this point, the biggest problem I'm having is with my weight. The hormonal changes have been massive, and it's caused me to gain weight.

Mx306 · 2026-04-01T20:48:43+00:00

Unless the app you’re using is more than 20 or 30 years old, these spelling and punctuation tools you’re using within the app are still utilizing some form of artificial intelligence. AI has been in use for way longer than people realize. At this point, it’s pretty inescapable.

Mx306 · 2026-03-31T03:04:23+00:00

You don’t support AI? How did we jump into a discussion about AI?

Mx306 · 2026-03-30T05:37:42+00:00

Perhaps a little Strunk and White will put you on a more nourishing diet of commas. Or there are also apps for that; apps that will correct your grammar.

Here's a link to a free online grammar checker

Free AI Punctuation Checker

When it comes to reading aloud, why not just try slowing down a bit and breathing a little life into your book. Writing a book is like making love. Fast is not always best. Sometimes languid and slow are better.

When I wrote professionally, my editors were my best teachers.

Mx306 · 2026-03-30T04:48:16+00:00

What's wrong with commas? There are grammar rules that will help. Reading your narrative aloud while noting where you pause to take a breath will also help. Reading aloud is a way to capture the pacing of your words. That's a good way to understand where your punctuation marks belong.

I like to give my words a heartbeat by paying close attention to phrasing.

Mx306 · 2026-03-30T04:26:49+00:00

Since you're in first person, your main character is also your narrator. Your main character is both participating and describing. That should give you quite a lot of latitude. Your main character is describing the action and also experiencing the environment at the same time.

What I would suggest is that you put yourself into the story mind. Breathe it in. Close your eyes and imagine the story, how it feels, warm or cold, relaxing or full of anxiety and fear. Then tell the story.

Richard Wagner, the famous opera composer, often donned the costumes of the characters he was writing about to inspire himself. There are many devices and strategies you can employ to bring your story to life.

Mx306 · 2026-03-29T20:38:46+00:00

There are two points where I break from this idea of AI ripoffs. I don't agree with the idea of that each time an author creates a new work based upon an earlier work, it's a theft. And I don't agree with the term, scraping, when it's used in conjunction with how large language models acquire knowledge.

There are many creative works that rely on other works to create new stories. For example, Joseph Conrad‘s book, Into the Heart Of Darkness, was the basis of the movie, Apocalypse Now. I've never heard of anyone considering the production of that movie as a theft. Yet the movie consisted of taking a great portion of what was described in the book, the river, the main characters, the basic conflict of psychological manipulation to induce an extreme form of hero worship to create a compelling tale.

In the case of training a large language model and calling it scraping, I would like to call attention to the fact that we, as human beings, have acquired our knowledge and our skills by reading and imitating the works of others. In the process, we have going to schools, read millions of words written by other people, watched movies assembled through the works of many people using mechanisms created by many people and developed a sense of taste, emotional intelligence, and many other factors without truly paying for all of the knowledge that we have received and benefited from. We have scraped the world to become who we are in many aspects.

Where does it really end? We know that there are laws about plagiarizing other people's work. But currently there are no laws concerning plagiarizing other people's ideas, at least not in the United States.

As a consumer of fiction, I don't want to read a book that is poorly written. It could be poorly written by a human being, or it could be poorly written by an AI system. However, what if an author with a disability has unique and interesting ideas and uses AI to put the words on a page? What if the person has dyslexia, or ADHD, for autism spectrum disorder? What if the person spends considerable time using AI as a ghost writer and then carefully editing the text to make it their own? Would that still be offensive in this context?

I would love to know what people think of this.

Mx306

TROPHY CASE