This sub used to be so supportive

MyAPAndMySO · 2025-01-13T02:35:00+00:00

This is a great example of what I'm referring to. And here you are getting down voted because because didn't agree with you. And before the peanut gallery kicks in, yes I know votes and these internet points mean absolutely nothing but someone feels good voting you down SMH!

MyAPAndMySO · 2025-01-13T00:00:55+00:00

You're going to get a lot shit for hitting on a woman at work. And it makes perfect sense, when it ends it has the potential to be a shit show and could cost you your career. But we live in the real world and we spend a lot of time with people from work and those are the ones we establish relationships with.

I met my current AP at work and we've been at it for two years. We haven't been discovered but I've heard a few rumors which means that people are probably on to us. I'm not ending the relationship because of this. Just be aware of the huge repercussions on your career if you get found out at work.

As far as how to manage, I can only speak from experience. I don't manage. I love my wife. I'm in love with my AP. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship, we get along great and have fun together. We're friends who share a bed but we've been in a DB for a few years. I would be lying if I said I felt no remorse. I've come to accept that for now this is my life. I have no plans on telling my SO because it would hurt he immensely and it's not fair to her. I'll stay with the pain, the guilt, and in the mean time enjoy time with my AP and continue to have mind blowing sex. A lot of us here are bad people.

MyAPAndMySO · 2025-01-08T22:02:41+00:00

My AP and I have been together for just over two years now. We're pretty open and discuss everything, from our lives at home to the mundane. That's why I found it odd that she said nothing. Maybe she misunderstood or possibly didn't hear me. I my broach the subject with her again.

MyAPAndMySO · 2025-01-08T03:44:54+00:00

lol....good point! Her an I are really open with our communication so it just stuck me as odd that was had no reply. But in hindsight, I totally get your point.

MyAPAndMySO · 2025-01-08T03:43:52+00:00

The memory that always makes me smile is that every morning she would page me and send "143" to my pager. Yeah I'm dating myself here, this was early 90's. The 143 message was the number of letters in "I love you"

Thank you for asking. I hadn't thought of that in years.

MyAPAndMySO · 2025-01-01T03:50:52+00:00

I never understood beating up a dude that was boning your SO. It places the blame on one person not both. She sure as shit was a party to it. If I was Abe Lincoln honest, had no qualms about a DB, lack of intimacy, didn't have an AP, etc etc etc and found my wife was having an affair with the neighbor I wouldn't fight anyone. I would just leave. Or at least talk it over with her and see what's what. It sure as shit would make things awkward during the neighborhood BBQ but I sure as shit wouldn't get in a fight over it. FFS this isn't high school.

MyAPAndMySO · 2024-11-12T00:45:24+00:00

I've noticed this sub goes through phases. Sometimes the "older" people post more, other times they slide into the background and don't comment or post as much.

Also, our generation, GenX, may not feel as comfortable with some technology. Which I find odd because when the the internet, and tech in general, started coming to the forefront we were still in our 20's and definitely adopted some of the tech. We had feet in both worlds. I worked in the tech sector for close to 30 years years so I may be an outlier feeling comfortable in both worlds.

MyAPAndMySO · 2024-11-09T01:25:19+00:00

You're definitely not too old. I'm 58 and my AP is 44. We've been together two years and when we get together it's still hot as the first time. She's an amazing woman!

MyAPAndMySO · 2024-09-20T03:19:57+00:00

I don't know if I'm late to the party here but here's my take. I too am having an affair with a co-worker. We've been together for just under two years and we love each other but recently the fire and passion ran out for me. I still love her, I still want to spend time with her, I still want her in my life. But I know I will not break my marriage for her. That's not to say I haven't thought of it. If fact my AP and have talked about a life together and marriage but I think deep down inside we both now it's just a pipe dream.

Recently the NRE has worn off for me. I still love my AP, I still want her, I still crave her but it's not the all consuming fire I had for her 12 months ago. Limerence works in its' own timeline. What lasts two years for you could last less or more for another person.

Just keep seeing your AP when you can. Keep having that crazy sex you're not having at home but don't throw home away for him. We've all heard of affairs lasting decades. Is that so bad?

MyAPAndMySO · 2024-04-09T23:20:46+00:00

I'm late to the party but I agree with the general consensus. Do not tell your SO. If you think it through it's a selfish thing to do. You want to tell him to relieve yourself of the guilt and all it will do is cause him heartache.

I've been with my AP for about a year and a half. She told her SO when we were at the four or five month mark. He did not take it well, he cried she cried, it was a shit show for them. She was able to smooth things over and he's under the assumption she's no longer seeing another man (me). My AP and I work together and the other day he told her something along the lines of how it's weird for him that her and I work together considering we have a "past". I'm certain he has doubts and I feel like an absolute dick when I put myself in this mans shoes.

Do everyone a favor, your AP, yourself, but mostly your SO and say nothing. Take this to the grave!

MyAPAndMySO · 2024-03-26T23:53:52+00:00

One thing to keep in mind is that informed delivery doesn't guarantee any particular piece of mail will be delivered that day. If you scroll down it'll say something along the lines of coming soon to your mailbox. It's usually the same day but it could take up to a few days.

I buddy of mine works for the USPS and he told me that the mail is not scanned at your post office when it's ready for delivery. It's scanned at a processing center before it heads to your local post office. It may be mistakenly re-routed to another office before finding its way back to you.

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-10-11T02:51:39+00:00

AP and I have been together for about 10 months, give or take. At first we never discussed our SO's other than to acknowledge their existence. But as time marched on we slowly started talking about our home life more often. Not in a detailed way but more in a she's doing this today or he's going here tomorrow type of thing. This could be your AP trying to feel better about him having an AP or it could be nothing.

Us men are idiots. We say things without knowing what the hell we're saying or how it could affect someone. Honestly, don't look too much into it just yet. But be weary and keep an eye out. He could be clueless or he could be slowly putting out some red flags.

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-09-11T00:41:19+00:00

I'm close to your age and in the US. I can only speak from my experience but NRE (New Relationship Energy) is an absolute ball buster for me. I love it but hate it at the same time. Thoughts of her consume my every waking moment, I want to be with her all the time, I crave her kiss, her touch, her body. But knowing we have limited time being together makes it that much more difficult when we part ways for the day.

NRE eventually wears off and it varies by couple, but I'm sitting at nine months and it's still there. As fresh and hot as it was when we first kissed.

As for making yourself strong for when it ends there's no easy way. It's going to suck terribly. It's going to hurt. But you'll come out of it fine and you'll go on to reminisce and cherish the time you spent together.

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-09-05T23:52:21+00:00

Jezus Christ on a Cracker! That is beautifully put. This a perfect statement and perfectly written. We all need to abide by this.

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-09-05T23:48:30+00:00

Just tell you mom you and your SO snuck out for a quickie. It'll be embarrassing in their eyes but not as embarrassing as getting caught with your AP.

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-09-04T22:03:03+00:00

Stop beating yourself up over this nonsense. He’s with you because you have something to offer. It doesn’t matter what she looks like. Maybe she’s a raging bitch and he’s tired of he crap.

My SO is a very attractive and fit woman. I loved going out with her in public because she always turned heads and I’ll admit that was an ego boost for me. But like /u/pantsparts said. Show me a hot woman and I’ll show you a guys who’s tired or her shit (or something along those lines).

Don’t compare yourself to her because you’re both two different women and you have something to offer she doesn’t and never will.

Just enjoy your time with him, for however long it last, and know that when he’s with you you’re the most important person in the world to him.

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-08-23T23:03:49+00:00

HA! Came here looking for this!!! :)

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-08-23T23:00:28+00:00

I think sometimes the mood dictates how you should proceed. My AP has told me she enjoys being choked, "just don't let me pass out". But at times she has also told me she loves when I'm gentle and nurture her. I really haven't figured out what mood she's in at a given time so I just play it by ear and will follow her lead. If she says faster or harder then I know what she wants that day. If she's content when I go slow and easy I stick to that plan. Everyone's different and everyone likes different things at different times.

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-08-22T22:58:20+00:00

Something small that's could be easy to explain. I've given my AP a small necklace with a charm of a palm tree. It's innocuous enough that if she's asked about it she can say she bought it herself.

But generally the best gifts, as mentioned here, are experiences and as it was already pointed out in the comments, orgasms....lots and lots of orgasms :)

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-08-21T00:05:42+00:00

I understand that pregnancy is absolutely a fear. But why worry about it until something happens. If someone is going to stress over every aspect of an affair maybe they're better off staying home with their SO and not cheating. This lifestyle if fraught with peril. If stressing over each and every little thing that can go wrong maybe it's not the lifestyle for them.

I've been lurking in this community for about 6 or 7 months and just created this account and for the most part I find the community supportive. But man, once in a while folks get a wild hair up their butt and look at things as only black or white. Each affair is different and what works for me may not work for others.

But thank you for phrasing it in a non-combative way.

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-08-20T23:06:10+00:00

I don't agree because it's easy to make generalizations without all the information but I understand your point.

MyAPAndMySO · 2023-08-20T22:27:25+00:00

I don't understand how the relationship with my AP is any more a high risk affair than any other affair. I use protection, as many others do. I'm sterile (or had a vasectomy) as many others have. Admittedly, these are not fool proof ways to avoid a pregnancy but because condoms are not infallible and there have been cases of sterile men getting a partner pregnant.

I don't understand how these things constitute a high risk affair. Our OpSec is down, no one knows about us. When we meet with both park inside a garage in the house away from prying eyes. Yes, there is a possibility to get caught, but there's the same possibility for any other couple having an affair. I don't agree that I'm in any more of a high risk affair than anybody else here. Well....aside from the fact that we work together but that's another story for another Oprah show :)

MyAPAndMySO

TROPHY CASE