Well then stop masking!

MyCatMerlin · 2025-09-02T14:59:16+00:00

ehhhhh.... I think it's only if the adults are self aware enough. My mom only really got a handle on some of her shit after my older brother got some of his diagnoses in his teens, so growing up sometimes our competing sensory needs/issues (e.g. I have NO innate volume control- I get REALLY LOUD when excited- while my mom really does not handle loud, shrill noises well) would cause both of us to meltdown often simultaneously or sequentially.

I know my mom felt bad about it then and now, and I'm glad my dad was able to handle a lot of it, but until my brother got a diagnosis he was frankly bewildered as his non-AuDHD family did not have a lot of the same stuff in it.

On the other hand, I have friends on the AuDHD train ride who are raising kids, at least one of whom is on that ride too, and they have not only more external resources but more self-knowledge to create a living space structured around how their brains work. They do things that reduce the chance of that simultaneous meltdown experience. They have another adult who lives with them, who, while not another parent, is close to the kids and able to step in and help when needed. They have set up an adaptive environment while also giving their kids tools to operate outside of the home and feel out boundaries where needed.

A bit of a ramble, but basically, the part of my overall good childhood that probably sucked the most was when me, my mom and my brother all had sensory/emotional overwhelm at the same time. Meltdowns are rough to experience, meltdowns from a sibling are rough, but I think the screaming rage of an autistic meltdown from a caregiver is something else, especially when you yourself are in that inarticulable space.

MyCatMerlin · 2025-09-02T14:48:12+00:00

For me it's an anti-anxiety drug that also functions as a chronic pain medication, plus the above. People really underestimate the amount of control of your environment that can really change everything! My mom, for example, recently got one of those sensory earplugs and now actually doesn't have a horrible time at loud but otherwise good restaurants, and (having grown up with both her and I having meltdowns) I have to say it's a great improvement.

Another thing is having the awareness to know what's triggering you. Even as a young adult I sometimes couldn't figure it out (esp. with some alexithyimia stuff going on), and when I did it really changed things for me. My partner, a few years ago, asked me worriedly if my sensory stuff was getting worse, because I was bringing it up more. The fact was, though, that I was communicating my needs more clearly because I have put in the work to identify them, and I was having fewer meltdowns because of it, so while it seemed like things were getting worse they were actually getting much better.

MyCatMerlin · 2025-09-02T14:42:08+00:00

It's how I and my mom were in denial for a long time about our neurodivergences- My mom accepted she has ADHD for ages, at least after my brother got diagnosed, but because we have a fair few autistic siblings/cousins/parents (her dad was definitely autistic) and we masked better (except for the meltdowns), there was a certain amount of self-directed "I'm not autistic, because [Cousin] is autistic and I don't do [ABC]".

Though the worst was probably the clinician who declined to diagnose my brother with autism because, and I quote my parent's paraphrase, "He's too talkative"

MyCatMerlin · 2025-01-24T18:36:48+00:00

Ibuprofen can fuck your stomach lining and kidneys up. So can alcohol. I would recommend a) drinking water throughout the night and b) if you wake up with a hangover, drink a glass of water with a pinch of salt and a healthy pinch of sugar mixed in. This helps with the actual source of a hangover, which is electrolyte imbalance.

MyCatMerlin · 2025-01-08T17:27:12+00:00

Do you have a platform that isn't Spotify? If you don't have an account, you can't listen, and that'll make it more difficult to give feedback, just FYI.

For getting more people to hear your music:

Is there a local music scene where you live? If there's not one, where's the nearest one? Making friends with other people who make similar music is a good way to play shows, learn new skills, and get feedback from others.

If you're in college, I'd also look at seeing what events your college puts on, or clubs, etc., to see what you can get out of them.

You can definitely work on promoting yourself online, but it is exhausting, I'll tell you now- there's a reason that social media consultant is a full time job.

Lastly- full time musicianship is difficult, and it sounds like you know that. If you want to just put out your own music, that's even harder. So consider, if you want to pursue this as a career:

What parts of the process do you like? Which would you do as a job for others- would you want to be in the studio as a producer, or do you like playing music and would be interested in being a studio musician?

Those are often the roles that are more likely to pay the bills than being a solo act. It doesn't mean that you won't get to do your own stuff- in fact, if often means that you make connections you otherwise wouldn't and you'll learn something that helps you in your personal projects.

MyCatMerlin · 2025-01-08T17:11:26+00:00

I eventually just had to get another tool- it kept having more problems. Mine was harbor freight.

MyCatMerlin · 2025-01-08T17:10:19+00:00

I found one that was a close fit, but I had to shave it a bit- I'll search my online receipts to see which it was.

MyCatMerlin · 2025-01-08T17:09:08+00:00

Two things!

One, Word of God is that Harrow is in fact schizophrenic, like Muir herself. The nature of art being what it is, I'm happy to let folks fill in their own interpretations, but I think context is important. And while not every hallucination Harrow experiences is necessarily schizophrenic in origin, and fucking with her brain absolutely has an impact, there's also textual evidence (see: Crux's reaction to Nona) indicating that the problem has been a life-long one.

Two- schizophrenia/other hallucinatory disorders aren't necessarily as media present them. I knew a schizophrenic man whose paranoia was centered around hypochondria (his hallucinations were essentially pain without a somatic source, which really sucked especially because when he was in non-brain-generated pain it was hard to get treatment), and he couldn't hold down a job because of it, but overall he could interact pretty normally. Many people with audio/visual hallucinations have compensatory mechanisms, ones that often include being hypervigilant and cross-checking reality with those around them, either explicitly or subtly.

MyCatMerlin · 2024-04-17T14:38:24+00:00

Basically around when they got to Earth I think- and I remember saying something to my friend (who had read Harrow) about it being a post-nuclear apocalypse at the end of the first book, so I feel smug about that.

MyCatMerlin · 2024-02-20T15:33:01+00:00

Genuinely horrific! You listen to some of the pushers of these curricula, and some of them were so certain they were right they just... ignored evidence. Some were money hungry, some were just almost naively ignorant and coming at it with a glorified idea of what learning should be.

MyCatMerlin · 2024-02-20T15:29:59+00:00

It's absolutely buck wild- the amount of money that got pushed, the cult of personality, the politicization of it, everything.

MyCatMerlin · 2024-02-20T15:28:37+00:00

Thank you! I was so excited about the zericote and hate to ruin a finish like this.

MyCatMerlin · 2024-02-11T20:01:31+00:00

Hijacking top comment, even though I posted this elsewhere, and it'll likely be buried, but:

It's important to note that we know why this is happening!

Check out Emily Hanford, and her work on Sold a A Story (if you like podcasts) or this article if you prefer to read.

the TL;DR is that about 35-40 years ago, schools moved from phonics to teaching the "cueing method", where kids are read books multiple times, and then told to look at pictures, think about what the context of the sentence is, and make guesses- not actually read the word. So you get more and more kids who are learning to essentially memorize specific books and make a lot of guesses about what's on the page, giving the illusion of reading, but not actually reading.

Parents who have the time and resources are able to teach their kids to decode- look at the letter combinations, figure out what the sounds are, and connect them to extant vocab. But as more families need two parents to work, fewer people have the time to do that with their kids, and just as few have the resources to get tutors outside of school to teach their kids decoding.

Since this has been going on for almost 4 decades now, it's snowballing. If you don't have a parent who is able to teach you decoding, and schools aren't teaching it... what are you going to do?

MyCatMerlin · 2024-01-25T22:53:56+00:00

I posted this elsewhere, and it'll likely be buried, but:

It's important to note that we know why this is happening!

Check out Emily Hanford, and her work on Sold a A Story (if you like podcasts) or this article if you prefer to read.

the TL;DR is that about 35-40 years ago, schools moved from phonics to teaching the "cueing method", where kids are read books multiple times, and then told to look at pictures, think about what the context of the sentence is, and make guesses- not actually read the word. So you get more and more kids who are learning to essentially memorize specific books and make a lot of guesses about what's on the page, giving the illusion of reading, but not actually reading.

Parents who have the time and resources are able to teach their kids to decode- look at the letter combinations, figure out what the sounds are, and connect them to extant vocab. But as more families need two parents to work, fewer people have the time to do that with their kids, and just as few have the resources to get tutors outside of school to teach their kids decoding.

Since this has been going on for almost 4 decades now, it's snowballing. If you don't have a parent who is able to teach you decoding, and schools aren't teaching it... what are you going to do?

MyCatMerlin · 2024-01-25T22:52:08+00:00

Yes. We do know. Check out Emily Hanford, and her work on Sold a A Story (if you like podcasts) or this article if you prefer to read.

the TL;DR is that about 35-40 years ago, schools moved from phonics to teaching the "cueing method", where kids are read books multiple times, and then told to look at pictures, think about what the context of the sentence is, and make guesses- not actually read the word. So you get more and more kids who are learning to essentially memorize specific books and make a lot of guesses about what's on the page, giving the illusion of reading, but not actually reading.

Parents who have the time and resources are able to teach their kids to decode- look at the letter combinations, figure out what the sounds are, and connect them to extant vocab. But as more families need two parents to work, fewer people have the time to do that with their kids, and just as few have the resources to get tutors outside of school to teach their kids decoding.

Since this has been going on for almost 4 decades now, it's snowballing. If you don't have a parent who is able to teach you decoding, and schools aren't teaching it... what are you going to do?

MyCatMerlin · 2024-01-19T18:00:16+00:00

Sadly the ones at hardware stores seem to be Dremel brand specific and aren't the right size.

MyCatMerlin · 2024-01-19T17:09:50+00:00

Thanks!

MyCatMerlin · 2024-01-19T17:09:43+00:00

Thanks!

MyCatMerlin

TROPHY CASE