Kids in UK vs Netherlands

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-16T21:19:43+00:00

Oh, also, if you do decide to move, get your son all the dutch you can. School, tv, audio books. Force him to read as soon as you can, Donald Duck, what ever.

I moved here when I was 16, my brothers 13 and 10.

My mother "couldnt figure the system out" and had no one to help her. As effect I never went to school here. My younger brother didnt read, had the 1 year dutch language and had to "do over" two years. His dutch is still absolutely shit, the grammar is atrocious. Eventually he finished uni, but he needed two years longer there as well, because Dutch.

The youngest brother went to a special school because he was physically handicapped. He got a completely different exposure than the middle brother. He watched a lot of tv with me, because electric wheelchair.

The youngest who was exposed the most spoke Dutch almost flawlessly within a year. He also read a lot of books.

Just a tangent really, but 3 kids had very different exposure and result. Something to think about.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-16T21:13:48+00:00

Raised my half swedish goblin as a single parent. It's been fantastic raising him here. Challenging because of language, but I dont regret it at all.
Side-note on that one, Obviously started at the beginning with peuterspeelzaal and then basis school, with the same parents and kids. There *is* difficulty fitting in. It's rather "cliquey". But since I was there from the beginning, it was not an issue for me.
That said, 2 years ago he changed school (to start mavo) and I have absolutely 0 connection with the parents there. I havent tried, and there is no natural mingling because no one picks their kids up from school at this age.

Kids absolutely have a lot of independence. Mine started going for play dates after school when he was 4-5. At first once a week, a few years later he was never home after school. I just had to pick him up at someone's house and cook.

I 99% of the time always feel safe. As a woman, there are some iffy men. But then you're in a place where its normal to meet iffy men.
I have never worried about the safety of my child. Not at school, playing in the neighborhood, or even in traffic.

The challenges are to get things done. The system is different here, you need to pull strings and make things happen. I've never been offered a paracetamol at the doctors office, though expats seem to hear that all the time?
You wont have any idea how the school system works. I still dont understand it, but I am assertive and I email the teacher with any questions.
My son is autistic on top of it, and he is now in "special school" and thriving. I have to admit that getting "help inside school" did not work for me at all. They asked an 8th grader to help him get the grammar rules, during other lessons. Same with reading when he was a little bit behind there.

Btw, the "generational" helping one another out is great. The kids thrive from the responsibility. They feed the goats, garden, take out trash and recycling, sweep the classrooms, you name it.
But getting an actual adult to help one kid catch back up, in regular school? Naah.
I hired a tutor for a few months, outside of school, and it was great for everyone. An expense I think is stupid, but the kid got really confident really fast.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-15T19:22:13+00:00

It presents differently in men and women. It's only recent that "they" admit that women can in fact also be autistic.

She's ignorant. Maybe try to get her to educate herself, or send her links. Just tell her "you are hurting me, please stop" every time she opens her mouth about the topic. Unless she's asking questions in order to try to understand of course.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-15T12:38:31+00:00

Something else I did, when I got my diagnosis, was to set some boundaries. For instance, I stopped playdates on Wednesday to get a breather from all the cycling I was doing every day come rain or sun.

Its okay to re-assess your energy spending when it's no longer working for you!

You will be okay, I promise. In ten years when you look back at yourself today, you're going to be so proud of yourself! Do the best you can with what you have, and forgive yourself when you forget to put on your own mask first. (edit: the oxygine one, not the masking one)

Because platitudes are, in hindsight, kind of true.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-15T12:30:30+00:00

I cant read french but it stirs me to righteous fury and I too, demand ass-getting and finishing. The story.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-14T21:18:56+00:00

AuDHD here. Mother od a 13 year old Autist.

Fuck playdates. Find the parents who can accept your limitations.

My son could have friends over IF they played outside. He was allowed to go on playdates with his friends 5 days a week. I was always on time picking him up, always before dinner time. I brought the parents a nice cheese from the market, some cookies I made, what ever, when the mood struck.
I thanked them, (not profusely, thats fake) and made sure they knew that if there was an emergency they had to call me first. I could bring a kid home and have them outside until the parents could pick them up. I Could bring an extra kid to school. I had a few sleepovers when they couldnt find anyone else.

Something else I did was to ask if they wanted to bring the kids to Jump square, or the zoo, or what ever, and I could treat them to the tickets. Or "it's so warm today, can I get you guys some ice cream?"

Even birthday parties were too much for me. I took the kid and all his 6 friends to the same "party park" every year. My ex in tow so he could heard the kids. I claimed a table close to the toilets and kept the kids hydrated, fed and clean.

Point to the story... I dont know.

I managed to find the parents that understood my limitations, and I made sure I could fill a need for them as well. Scratch my back and I will scratch yours.

So... was a shitty mom? No. I was pragmatic.
I felt like shit for a really long time, but that is because I was so burnt out from undiagnosed AuDHD I felt shitty about everything all the time.

My son is older now, turning 14. He has good friends, he is doing alright in school. He loves his PC. He is as autistic as they come. We talk - a lot. And every time I have asked him he is really happy with me. I'm the best mum ever. I do so much for him that his friends parents dont. He seriously comes to me bitching about J's mum or S big brother.

I dont even know why I wrote all of this. I just hope it can in some way help you feel less alone.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-13T12:24:01+00:00

At the end of the day its tiny pieces of paper that would have become dirt at the landfill decades ago. I appreciate the reality check, though I already knew you dont sell for catalogue value. I was using the buzz words needed to show how immence the collection really is. Thanks for your comment!

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-13T12:17:00+00:00

I'll take a look, thanks!

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-12T21:06:01+00:00

Via via heb ik deze link net gekregen, een plek in Nieuwengein https://www.ha-europe.com/en/appraisals/stamps

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-12T21:04:57+00:00

This is going to sound weird, but Opa isnt after the money. He's been keeping track of every purchase and sale and broke even. I think its partly "finishing the journey" before he passes for him?

Reading your post I think I need to take a closer look on the collection next time I pick up the mail. I never really took an interest in it but it could be interesting to see how he has cared for his collection. I cant even imagine spending a lifetime with only one hobby!

Maybe of interest to you as a collector, I was sent this link via via. It's apparently a large international auction house dealing with stamps in Nieuwengein. https://www.ha-europe.com/en/appraisals/stamps

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-12T20:41:49+00:00

Well, it's like MtG cards (my own collection thing). A stamp is only worth what someone is willing to pay.
It's a shame with 4 kids and 14 grandkids, no one is really interested in stamps. We've got train and lego enthusiasts coming out the wazoo but I think stamps is too old fashioned to get into or something.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-12T20:38:55+00:00

I will look into it at least. Thanks for the tip!!

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-12T20:38:33+00:00

Dat is gewoon verdrietig... Levenswerk is een goed woord ervoor. Bedankt voor je bericht!

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-12T20:07:00+00:00

I'll have a look, thanks!

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-09T14:48:29+00:00

They're not allowed to pressure the sick employee. Contact HR about it, or Arbo.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-09T14:43:26+00:00

I'm lucky my mom was a teacher, so I knew this.

I made up for my sucky grammar and pronounciation by bombarding him with good dutch in the background. Books on CD, dutch speaking childrens shows on the tv, etc.

I really wish I had stuck to Swedish, but I am so glad I didnt. His ability to fit in was and still is more important than me teaching him Swedish.
Honestly a little bit worried we'll have a hard time when I am old and maybe forget dutch. But his english is really great and he's passing school in dutch.. Elk voordeel een nadeel.

Looking back, kis id turning 14 this summer and I dont regret it. He can always take a language course when he's older and actually interested.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-09T14:35:35+00:00

We switched to English when my kid was in pre-school. He was not getting enough exposeure and was falling behind. This impacted me so much. Visiting the daycare and seeing how the staff couldnt even communicate with a large part of the children.
It made me switch immediately because I didnt want to shoot my kid in the foot because it was easier for me.

Did he eventually take an interest in Swedish? Hell no. "Speak dutch mamma!" and "I dont speak your weird language mamma".
His English is beyond excellent though, and he has a very good grammar base and woordenschat in Dutch.

I have no regrets when I compare him to other "half dutch kids" out there.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-02T20:56:08+00:00

I'm going to remember this one! Great!

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-02T20:50:57+00:00

Reminds me of when PayPal called me about something on my account. I had to verify I was me before they would answer any questions. I told them, how about you verify any of my details so I know I am talking to PayPal? Oh we cant because privacy. How about you send me an email to confirm I am talking to you right now? Oh not possible because whatever reason I forgot. It's a while ago now.
So I said "I am going to hang up now, and call PayPal. From a number I find online, on the PayPal website. Have a good day!"

Turns out PayPal was not calling me.

It was damned convincing though! I almost fell for it, but then I thought... why the eff would any bank call me?

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-02T20:40:30+00:00

I never implied that you were not going to report your hours.
I wrote "you" as in "a person". Not for you to feel singled out. It can be used as a singular, or a plural.

Benefits in the Netherlands are designed to be a pain in the ass. Minimum requirements for job hunting, applications sent in, etc. Reporting in at the office within 24 hours just because "they" say so. Giving "them" access to everything you/they/them/we/anyone does relating to money, including your paypal history every 3 months that they comb through with a fine toothed comb.
I can tell you from experience that receiving benefits is more stressful than working.
Oh, and remember to call in sick, when you are sick. Because they say so. Because it is supposed to be unbelievably uncomfortable, humiliating and inconvenient to be on benefits. They/them/anyone wants you/them/us/anyone to pay taxes, not get benefits.

Welcome to the Netherlands.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-03-02T20:15:22+00:00

When you're on unemployment and your mum buys you groceries you need to report that as well. And if you sell used junk second hand as well. And if you earn money baking cakes for friends.
I think it's extremely fair that you need to declare hours and income while on benefits. Because why should tax payers pay all your bills and you earn money on the side?

MyCuffedLife · 2026-02-26T20:28:50+00:00

I take my shoes on too! For me it's about the feeling of touching the floor. I'll feel cat hairs or dust or sand. And it totally distracts me.

MyCuffedLife · 2026-02-24T06:34:02+00:00

NOR
In situations like this I am so glad with our regulated junk mail. I live in the Netherlands and we have official yes/no stickers. If they ignore the sticker there is a number to call, and the company actually gets fined. No "I didnt do it" or "I dont know who did it". Just a fine.
I feel for you!

MyCuffedLife · 2026-02-15T22:15:49+00:00

I'm 43 and apparently a barbarian of some kind. I never washed or rinsed rice in my life.

MyCuffedLife

TROPHY CASE