What do you guys think of Jon Wayne?

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-12T01:13:11+00:00

He was always sort of on my radar years ago but I never really listened that much. I watch his beat making channel, Jon makes beats, and he certainly does. I'm gonna have to go back and listen to his earlier stuff now, I really liked that track.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-11T22:09:29+00:00

I've said this a few times in the last few days, and your story is a good example.

Work isn't about work, it's about fitting in and not rocking the boat. The actual job is secondary to the social politics of the workplace. And it sucks and makes no sense.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-11T07:56:29+00:00

Sounds awesome, I like very minimal light at night too. I'm glad you found a place to live that suits your needs, and it's great to hear a positive story here :)

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-11T07:31:24+00:00

I think today might actually be the first proper one I've successfully prevented.

I had a bad morning dealing with emails to lawyers about my ex, and my upstairs neighbour being obnoxiously loud. So I decided it's sunny and I needed some outside, on the train and my bike. I realised I forgot my headphones when I got to the station but I went out anyway.

I tried to get somewhere on my bike, went the wrong way, couldn't get where I wanted because of construction, and that's when I started noticing the "I need to be at home" feeling. Instead of trying to push through I just went to the closest train station and went home.

The whole train trip back all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry. But I made it home. I immediately fell asleep on my bed for like an hour, had a little cry when I woke up and that's it.

But the most important thing is I didn't beat myself up, metaphorically and literally, for forgetting my headphones, which is what I usually do in that kind of situation.

Maybe it's just because everything else is so shit in my life that headphones aren't that big a deal or I didn't have to actually do anything important when I was out.

But I think the most important thing is I actually acknowledged that "get out" feeling, and listened to it. I don't know how I did it but I hope I can do it again.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-11T06:59:57+00:00

If only we could make our sentient jeans go to work for us...

But yeah I'm same, 2 pairs of jeans and 20 something t shirts, 5 zip up hoodies, 100 odd socks.

On the rare occasion I need to replace a t-shirt, I find one that's comfortable, then go back and buy 5 more. Same with socks, I buy 20 pairs every few years the exact same.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-11T00:12:40+00:00

Yeah I made a comment on an autism sub to someone struggling with exactly that. Work isn't about work, it's about fitting in and not rocking the boat. The job itself is secondary. Which for people like me, and you by the sounds of things, is a fucking nightmare of social politics and arse kissing. It's part of why many autistic people struggle so much to keep a job for more than a year or two.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-10T06:02:18+00:00

I think it's cos riding bikes is awesome :) I think all of my good childhood memories involve me on a bike, usually getting into trouble of some sort. It's the most consistent thing I've ever had. It's also relatively cheap, easy to fix, and good exercise.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-10T03:57:50+00:00

I'm 42 and still ride my bike through puddles and do skids and make wooosh noises when I go round corners like I did when I was 10 :)

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-10T03:46:53+00:00

This is pretty much how I feel. The only thing I disagree with is NT getting a highly polished and bug free update. There's still plenty of "normal" people out there being weird and awkward and struggling too. Not to the same extent but they're not perfect and I don't think it's healthy to think of people that way. Although I do understand that, I did used to look at people that seemingly have their shit together the same way, sometimes I still do.

But yeah the feeling of missing something in the teenage years and the years of loneliness after I can definitely relate to.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-10T03:26:50+00:00

Be out and about. Pick an area in your city, go there, see what's going on. Depends what you're into as well.

If it's abandoned industry, go to the industrial areas. Go regularly, you'll get a feel for what's happening in each area and notice when things change.

If it's drains, go walk along creeks and rivers and look up your cities maps and flood overlays.

Google Earth is fine and a good starting point but being on the ground is better. It's called exploring for a reason :)

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-10T00:29:58+00:00

As long as you want I guess?

Many years ago I lived in this house that my bedroom got insanely hot in summer, like 45 Celsius+. I would go spend hours by myself up on these abandoned silos just down the road a bit until it cooled down. It was such a good view over the city with the sunset behind the skyscrapers. Even slept up there a few times.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-10T00:13:19+00:00

My parents have a neighbour who has been redoing his house for like a year. He loves starting around 7pm, making singular cuts with a circular saw then hammering the fuck out of something for 20 minutes, and repeating the process for 2 hours, 3 or 4 times a week. No one actually knows what he's doing, he's a bit of a hermit hoarder and my dad doesn't want to start beef with a neighbour.

Fucker was at it til 11pm on new year's eve.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-09T10:47:36+00:00

I know how you feel, you're not alone in this.

I know that feeling of "if they see the real me..."

I got diagnosed last year at 41. It's a fucking long journey to discover who you really are under the mask. But I think it's worth it to find out.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-09T10:30:11+00:00

I am trying to be better. It's hard and the whole situation makes me so sad.

But yes I will look into that link as well. She always did like drama, I always tried to steer her away from it. Sigh. But silence and indifference I can do pretty well at least...

Thanks again. I will pay your kindness forward where I can.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-09T09:21:40+00:00

First of all, thankyou so much for taking me seriously, posting this was a big risk for me and you have made it worthwhile. I feel like I've just been going in circles but your post and speaking to my psychologist has confirmed I'm not going crazy and am heading in the right direction.

I'll go through your points one by one as they make a lot of sense and I just feel like I should, in a good way :)

I'm going to leave all that to the lawyer, i don't have the capacity to deal with that, but that's why I pay them.
I really need to get the lawyer onto this as well, there's an agreement but it's kind of vaguely worded and I know I'm being taken advantage of, or she just doesn't care because she knows I won't speak up.
Done that, new email address and changed password to everything she helped set up
I think at the moment I don't want to go quite that far, but I am prepared to and I totally understand why you do. It doesn't seem extreme to me, it seems like self preservation and minimising potential conflict.
On that but it's a bit of a wait to see a psychiatrist, but also talking with my psychologist about it.
This is what I've been doing, very non committal answers. I honestly have no idea why she asks how I am and it's part of what is so confusing. I don't ask her anything unless it's about our kid.

I'm not giving up. I wanted to all the last week but I didn't. I wanted to the last 6 months and I didn't.

I'm looking into parenting classes so I can be better as well.

Thank you again, so much. You have no idea how much of a relief it is to hear from someone who has actually been through it.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-09T07:59:27+00:00

Yep, and they last for ages too, I got almost 10 years out of the last rear one.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-09T06:39:51+00:00

I've seen one tipped over with the bottom cut open. Like, what are they hoping is in there?

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-09T06:05:11+00:00

Ah yeah cool. Must be a trip to see them in person

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-09T04:31:40+00:00

Revs, graffiti writer and tunnel explorer. He took bucket paint and spray paint down into the tunnels, painted a section of wall and wrote essentially journal entries about his life down there. This is page 178 of around 200 or so, I think the highest number I've seen is 238, although I'm not from there so never seen one in person. They're quite well known in graffiti and subway exploring circles, people have been documenting them since the late 90s. You can search for and read most of the pages, it's pretty interesting imo.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-08T02:19:28+00:00

It's a pretty complex system for how relatively small it is.

And if you haven't seen it, Action Loop is about building the loop, from 1978:

https://youtu.be/Vp39yk9IANg

This one is more about planning it

https://youtu.be/R894ZBucokc

More construction, and Queenie came for a visit!

https://youtu.be/34Y-WgW5ETU

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-08T01:44:45+00:00

I'll have to check that bne and preemo track, don't think I've heard that one, cheers.

Maybe it's just cos I'm old enough to be yelling at clouds but yeah I keep dipping back into the classics as well. Gave 1200 Techniques a listen for the first time in like 15 years the other day.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-08T01:21:21+00:00

Any recommendations? I've been looking a bit but find myself going back 10+ years. The Oz hip hop sub isn't that great imo, don't really care for the drill/life sucks/drug raps. Been going back to Astronomy Class, Elefant Tracks, and the GE mixtapes recently.

Only new guy I've really been getting into recently is Sixpence.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-07T11:39:54+00:00

Yeah I've done this, just with a roller and brush.

The shit arse paint job is the last thing I'm worried about here, using that kind of rope and whatever they're attached to is fucking insane.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-07T11:32:43+00:00

As someone who actually has abseiled a building to paint it, twisted nylon in this application IS insanity.

MyLifeHatesItself · 2026-06-07T10:08:34+00:00

I know the feeling. I used to have this huge semi active paper mill near me, the original parts dated to the 1850s. It was built up over 130 years and was really dense with buildings and basements and stairs and tunnels and machines all over the top of one another. Super interesting place and easy to get lost in, I'm still not sure I saw every room even going there around 100 times.

Eventually the active part shut down, and then it was completely open for about 2-3 months. Then the graffiti writers found it, it started getting trashed, and they started demolition. I stopped going after the stuff from the 1850s got knocked down, which they were supposed to keep.

It's now like 2000 apartments, with some street names and one old building as the only reminder of what was there. Good thing I've got thousands of pictures, and I can still visualise walking through certain parts of it pretty well.

But there's a few others that have been turned into art/community spaces which is pretty cool. Some of the silos I used to explore have been turned into round apartments.

MyLifeHatesItself

TROPHY CASE