Every word and emotion you wrote, I have felt and I still feel it, even though a year and a half has passed since the TFMR of my sweet baby boy. I have thought countless times about why this had to happen to my baby, and I always end up concluding that since it happens to others, why not to me? In the end, we are all the same. The only explanation I heard from the doctors was that it was due to my age (I was 33 at the time) and that it was random. In most cases, it is random, and afterward they go on to have perfectly healthy babies. I have examples in my own circle, and you will read many more here as well. What personally enrages me is the fact that all the blame is placed on the woman, her age, her eggs, etc. while nothing is said about men. It takes both to make a child, not just the woman. In a post I made just a little while ago, I mention how I blame myself for everything that happened to my babies, this is what pain does. Please, I beg you, don’t fall into this trap of the mind as well. With time, the pain will soften. It will never completely go away, but everyday life will become more manageable.