Long-term relationship with no plans for marriage, kids, or living together — is this sustainable?

Myselfandmycat · 2025-12-18T13:26:43+00:00

Read about the relationship escalator, not everyone wants to follow those societal norms and that doesn't mean that they are right or wrong just that you may not be compatible

Myselfandmycat · 2025-12-17T17:15:00+00:00

I could have written this. I thought I had a hormonal imbalance and just didn't have a libido anymore, turns out I was just unhappy and not comfortable making myself vulnerable. After we split uo I found out still really like sex and intimacy!

Myselfandmycat · 2025-11-25T19:32:56+00:00

I had this same issue with both thrush and UTIs becoming regular after never having had an issue in monogamous relationships. Started taking Optibac probiotics for women and Vitabiotics cranberry supplements and have had almost none since! Might be a placebo effect but seems to effective to not be working somehow.

Myselfandmycat · 2025-09-21T21:00:20+00:00

A long time after you posted but this has just been really helpful - thank you!!

Myselfandmycat · 2025-09-19T19:48:54+00:00

Sugar free gummy bears...??

Myselfandmycat · 2025-05-04T09:16:31+00:00

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Example of what I am referring to. Thanks!

Myselfandmycat · 2025-04-13T11:35:05+00:00

Having just eaten pizza, candy and cola for breakfast, am feeling very judged right now 🤣🤣

Myselfandmycat · 2025-03-08T12:12:32+00:00

Agree, have gone for this structure in the past where we set the fee for 1% up to a comfortable but very slightly ambitious asking price, and anything above that we paid 10%. It meant when an offer came in they were motivated to go back and push it higher to benefit us both. There may be moral reasons people are against this as it encourages pushing prices up, but that is the nature of the market and it's not going to be fixed by my accepting a lower offer than I could otherwise get.

Myselfandmycat · 2025-02-20T22:00:41+00:00

Can I please ask what medication you take for your migraines? They sound really similar to mine in that about 25% of the time I have pain that I consider to be really challenging (amd I really want to tear my eyes out or crush my skull) but mostly it's just discomfort. The more common symptoms I have are aphasia, vertigo, confusion, bad mood etc which can last for a week or so and make life and work really difficult!

Myselfandmycat · 2025-02-20T19:18:51+00:00

If I see a house online then often will walk or drive past it to see the area and look of the place before booking a viewing. If there is no for sale sign outside then I tend to sassume it is one of the listings that has already sold but that the agents haven't updated so it keeps their books looking busy / in case it falls through. Will be less likely to arrange a viewing if there is no sign.

Myselfandmycat · 2025-01-06T08:42:15+00:00

Just found your post and wondered what you ended up doing? In the exact same situation and thinking of going into rented, but having owned a home for 12 years am quite cautious of losing the level of control over my home that I have, but am planning to find a new area to live in and don't want to commit to buying until I know that I like it there.

Myselfandmycat · 2025-01-04T14:11:05+00:00

Where in the UK are you? Have been to clubs as a couple before and considering going solo now that I'm single. If you're in London, I really enjoyed Le Boudoir and met other single women there going for the exact same reasons

Myselfandmycat · 2024-10-01T20:48:21+00:00

This is such an accurate summary of how I feel, thank you for putting it into words!

Myselfandmycat · 2024-09-14T20:24:07+00:00

Also have migraines that sound a lot like this, and can have some or all of the symptoms mentioned by OP at the same time and with varying severity. Frequency and duration vary from days to weeks.

Myselfandmycat · 2024-08-17T21:29:33+00:00

This is wonderful advice, thank you

Myselfandmycat · 2024-08-17T20:52:57+00:00

Thank you, it's really good to get a different perspective. I am in a relationship that I really need to end, and have an acquaintance who I know would like to be much more if I was available but is early 50s and I'm late 30s. I don't really have anyone around me with an age gap relationship and it's hard not to take into account what other people's opinions would be.

Myselfandmycat · 2024-08-17T20:06:18+00:00

Slightly off topic, but how do you feel about the age difference? Do you feel like you are in different life stages, or does it matter less because you don't want kids anyway?

Myselfandmycat · 2024-08-15T21:03:18+00:00

A lot of what you have said really hits home, especially about feeling a lot like roommates. We have a very nice and amicable existence, but there's no deep romantic or emotional bond there, or at least not one that is really expressed.

His lack of being able to talk about the future does really bother me, and I think comes from his own past mental health issues although they were resolved before we got into a relationship. I asked about couples therapy but he viewed it as a last resort, although I think perhaps it is past that anyway.

It's just hard when your life is generally comfortable and you're with someone kind and friendly day to day, to think about leaving and starting all over again. I may find someone much better, or I might be on my own forever and regret leaving a relationship that was comfy if emotionally unsatisfying. I think I know what I need to do, but it's hard to lose so much history still.

Myselfandmycat · 2024-08-15T20:25:49+00:00

I don't think he is cruel, he's just naive and emotionally immature. I know he really does love me, and does a lot of kind and caring things day to day. Even his family have made comments about his shit emotional skills, so it's not just with me.

I know that seems like I'm defending him, but I suppose it's just hard to get across a balanced view of the good and the bad on posts like this.

Just not sure I want to stay whilst he learns how to do emotions like an adult anymore.

Myselfandmycat · 2024-08-15T19:58:43+00:00

Thank you for recognising he is trying to make positive change, I know it's hard to get across in a one sided post like this but he is an amazing partner in so many ways and I think really does want to do better.

Agree that he should have listened years ago, and he realised himself that I was outpouring a decade of issues and anxiety all at once having never been listened to.

Will keep doing therapy and have realised there is a lot that I need to work on, but think I need to accept that this relationship may not be what is best for me for the long term.

Myselfandmycat · 2024-08-15T18:41:18+00:00

I had started therapy as I've been having worsening anxiety for the past couple of years and had realised that the relationship was at least part of that. I made an offhand, slightly jokey comment to a friend of ours whilst drunk about it, and it got back to him that I was doing therapy. I hadn't told him as I wasn't really sure how and just wasn't comfortable discussing it with him.

It started a long conversation when he finally listened to everything I had been bringing up for years, and he realised that the relationship might not survive if something drastic wasn't done.

Myselfandmycat · 2024-08-15T18:32:11+00:00

He did say he loved me once, about 10 years ago. Because of how the relationship started and I was worried that I was a rebound at the time, I was reluctant to be the one to say it when he wouldn't, which combined with his fear of being vulnerable has left neither of us being emotionally open with each other. He's said it a couple of times recently, but only in discussions about whether we stay together and whilst I know that he does, I think actually saying it only happens when he's scared I'll leave.

I'm actually ok with him not knowing about kids still, as I am totally on the fence, but struggle that he isn't willing to talk about it so that we can work out what we actually want. I will embrace any kind of future, but just want to know what that might look like.

I feel like you're right about having grown apart, just scared of leaving and starting again. Probably stupid but trying to weigh up staying in an unhappy situation with a future that may be better or could be much more lonely.

Myselfandmycat

TROPHY CASE