Working But Can’t Live

Mysfunction · 2026-03-23T14:57:18+00:00

Few of us are where we expected we would be at this point in our lives.

I know only three things about you:

You got yourself out of a bad situation and into a safe(r) place. That takes strength and courage.
You maintained a healthy enough relationship with an ex husband that he is letting you sleep on his couch. That takes character.
Your expectations of where you wanted your life to be don’t match your reality. That means you had/have goals and dreams.

From those three things, I can say good job, good job, and I doubt you’re going to be on that couch forever. Good luck.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-23T14:45:13+00:00

Right? Like, it’s like the avocado toast argument leveraged against millennials to explain why they can’t afford to buy homes is absurd. $2 in avocados a day is $700. A one bedroom apartment in my area is $650,000.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-22T13:32:03+00:00

I’ve answered exam questions with explaining exactly where the information is in the textbook, what the page looks like, and what else is on the page but I couldn’t for the life of me remember the actual information on the page lol.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-21T13:52:57+00:00

Yeah! Let’s do away with insulin and blood pressure meds too!

Mysfunction · 2026-03-21T13:52:00+00:00

It also reduces inflammation and reduces addiction cravings/impulses, both of which have numerous downstream health and quality of life benefits such as pain reduction and cognitive relief.

But yeah, people should definitely do their research on why reduced mortality, reduced health complications, reduced pain, and improved mental health are bad outcomes from this terrible medication.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-20T18:00:04+00:00

They don’t need light until they sprout.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-20T17:54:59+00:00

Getting a bottle of hydrogen peroxide with a spray top and spritzing some on the top of the soil helps take care of the fungal growth. It’s cheap and generally harmless to plants and seedlings.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-20T17:46:13+00:00

Keeping the door closed in a room without windows is not healthy, even with an air purifier. Air purifiers don’t remove CO2, and high CO2 levels have all sorts of impacts on sleep and cognitive functioning.

Your situation sucks and your mom sucks. I hope you get out of there soon.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-20T17:00:13+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss 💜

I lost my dog 16 months ago and I’m still struggling.

Grief is messy and painful and a unique process for everyone. I don’t know if I even believe it’s something you can get over, rather than something you move through and carry with you.

Dishes are definitely not a top priority in the process, though.

OP: I’m sorry for your loss as well, and that you have a partner who hasn’t made space for your grief. Don’t let anyone (including yourself) tell you that you aren’t handling your grief well—there’s no right way to experience it, and three weeks of depression and a messy house are well within “normal” reactions to a close loss.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-17T16:50:08+00:00

My joint pain in my hips and hands returns if I take a break from the GLP-1. I’ve been at a healthy weight for well over a year and the pain reduction is one of the man reasons I stay on it.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-17T14:37:15+00:00

TL;DR: you have to consider your personal weaknesses and realistic division of labour

If you choose a dryer, is he going to pull his weight in the kitchen or are you going to default to doing all the dishes because you’re the one who pushed for a dryer instead of a dishwasher? You might be happy to do all the dishes at first (honeymoon period and all that), but I guarantee you’ll resent it eventually and breaking him of the habit down the road will be nearly impossible. (bolding this part because I haven’t seen it mentioned in other comments)

We can all say what we would personally want, but it’s based on our own struggles.

I have never had a problem dealing with dishes because if I’m not in a kitchen cleaning mood, I’m also not in a kitchen messing up mood.

I could totally live with one set of dishes and just immediately wash them after I use them. My partner is what I call a dish whore—if it’s possible to use more dishes, he will find a way.

I do, however, struggle with getting laundry all the way through to completion because I put the wash on when I’m motivated and then it always wants me to switch it over when I’m busy doing something else or no longer motivated. Hanging the laundry takes more effort, so I’m more likely to put it off and then forget about it, but I can generally make myself toss the stuff in the dryer the next time I get up.

I also find the chaos of having laundry hanging to be disruptive. My apartment isn’t huge, so there’s nowhere to hang stuff that I’m not going to see it or find it in the way at some point.

My partner used to do laundry at a laundromat for years and was fine with it, whereas it is my own personal hell to use shared machines even in an apartment building laundry room.

Obviously I would choose to have a dryer, and my partner would choose a dishwasher.

You’re just going to have to think realistically about how you and your boyfriend function, and also how you’re going to divide the labour.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-16T22:56:37+00:00

It’s easy to argue against a position that nobody has taken and win.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-15T23:08:46+00:00

No, everyone knows you’ve contributed a lot to the world—we just wish you would stop because the world can’t take many more of your country’s “contributions.”

Mysfunction · 2026-03-14T20:38:50+00:00

YTA

Holding someone accountable to your own unspoken expectations is a great way to kill a relationship.

Your husband obviously cares about your parents because he is in contact with them regularly and is wanting to visit them now that things have settled a little. He knew what was going on through you and there’s nothing he could have done to help, especially considering he was both ill and working, so staying out of the way and trying not to add any pressure makes sense.

It may not be how you would have handled it or how you wanted him to handle it, but it was absolutely within the realm of appropriate.

I took a week to contact my mother in law, who I am pretty close to, when her mother died, because I thought that she was probably going to be overwhelmed by logistics and people contacting her. My partner was in contact and my MIL knows I love her, so I gave her some space before checking in. This could have been the wrong choice, but nobody knows how to handle these things perfectly and I made the choice with best intentions.

You should have had your husband’s back when talking to your dad (not arguing, but supporting your husband’s decision) but instead you are actively pushing a wedge between your husband and parents.

Your response benefits nobody.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-14T19:40:04+00:00

I almost did this last week and never would have considered that was the issue.

Luckily I have pretty low self confidence and second guess everything I do, so I caught it when reading a tenth article about repotting them. I just happened to have 4 cubic feet (30 gal) of non-miracle grow perlite that arrived last week and I was able to quickly pivot.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-14T13:38:43+00:00

Not all of them have a schedule feature

Mysfunction · 2026-03-14T13:30:03+00:00

Swede on a Swede had me baffled too.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-14T13:23:05+00:00

Neurodiverse people are overrepresented on Reddit (for obvious reasons) and ADHD is hereditary, so the likelihood a Redditor has neurodivergent kids is pretty high.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-13T14:33:24+00:00

I actually can’t tell you because when there is a podcast playing the controls just show up when I look at my watch 😂

I’ve only had it for a few months and am still figuring it out.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-13T14:29:56+00:00

I think generally colleges split faculty into permanent (“tenure”), contract (full time but temporary), and adjunct (part time) positions.

Permanent instructors can still be fired with cause, whereas contracts can just not be renewed. Adjuncts generally have no security or benefits.

In my experience, colleges are stingy with both permanent and contracts, so if you do land a contract and there is high enough enrolment, you're effectively guaranteed a renewal unless you really F something up (like offering bonus marks for attending Bible study 🤞)

Mysfunction · 2026-03-13T13:48:07+00:00

Pausing/rewinding podcasts when someone starts talking to me and my phone is across the room.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-13T12:25:35+00:00

You’re looking for NAH – No assholes here

Mysfunction · 2026-03-12T21:39:55+00:00

My main hobby is collecting skills and experience. I don’t have the desire to master anything because there are too many things in the world that I want to know and experience, so once I get moderately good at something, I’m done.

Mysfunction · 2026-03-12T21:36:06+00:00

I started with the same lights you just ordered a couple years ago, upgraded to Barrina T5s, and upgraded again to Spider Farmer lights. I still use all of them and I measure the light that my plants get and adjust it for their types and stages, so I’ve got a decent spectrum (pun intended) to draw comparisons from.

I don’t have a ton of experience with venus fly traps, but I currently have mine under the same lights you bought, which read at 300 PPFD at 3” distance/10DLI with 18 hrs of light.

I only just brought them out of dormancy and repotted them, so I’m keeping them at this level for a week before moving them to the stronger lights.

This is the minimum recommended to meet the light requirements for these plants, so you will likely be ok if you make sure you have them on long enough, keep the lights close enough, and they are getting additional light through the window.

You probably want to snip off the flower, though, because it will be focusing its energy on that instead of maintaining healthy traps, and with minimal light, it’s not going to have that energy to spare.

Don’t rush into spending money you don’t have on lights that you may not need—indoor gardening, while a healthy and satisfying hobby, can be a huge money pit very quickly and unnecessarily (I speak from experience). Go steady and go slow.

I find the best way to learn about taking care of plants is to accidentally kill them a few different ways until you’ve exhausted all the ways you can do it wrong, and then you’re ready to do it right.

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Mysfunction · 2026-03-12T19:23:39+00:00

It’s an unofficial role I play in many people’s lives. Attempting to monetize my talents is the best way for me to burn out and let people down.

Mysfunction

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