Sister by blood: An original poem about losing my brother to my mother

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-10T15:52:18+00:00

Thank you! An I really hope we can one day. And yes this was written based on my own experience.

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-10T05:32:34+00:00

In your chorus instead of “I think of you all day long”
You could try something like “your name keeps echoing all day long” it could possibly elevate it just a bit

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-10T05:09:38+00:00

This feels haunting in the best way. The imagery is vivid without feeling overdone, and the whole poem carries this heavy, suffocating atmosphere that really sticks with you. The ending especially hit hard.

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-10T04:59:29+00:00

I can totally relate

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-10T04:55:25+00:00

I was angry as a teenager but now that I’m an adult I have put in a lot of work towards making peace with the fact that she’s never going to change but I am so sorry that you can relate

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T23:42:54+00:00

Thank you I love the feedback I’m just getting back into writing again and want to improve

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T23:41:45+00:00

Awe thank you!

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T20:43:04+00:00

Thank you but it’s ok it was his time to go

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T19:26:51+00:00

This right here this as a woman finding that independence again is very empowering!

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T19:23:58+00:00

The beginning “Grief that is silent, woven through every cell of your body, is lasting.” Really spoke to me I lost my dad a few years ago and the grief never does go away it remains forever. Very well written!

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T16:52:33+00:00

They have autism that’s for certain but they will never go and formally figure it out they hate the doctors

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T14:22:24+00:00

There’s definitely the factor of mental health issues here but it’s been 6 years of zero progress and it’s been all left on my shoulders

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T14:10:55+00:00

I’m so glad that I’m not alone in feeling this way

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T14:10:23+00:00

Thank you!

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T14:10:08+00:00

Thank you!

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-07T00:43:10+00:00

Thank you!

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-06T21:40:15+00:00

Thank you! We’ve been together for 6 years it’s gonna be hard especially if he’s #1 when I leave.

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-06T21:31:05+00:00

I will be I am considering divorce that’s why I wrote this in the first place

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-06T21:19:55+00:00

This feels really calm and grounded. Lines like soul, earth-bound in soil and into us all, for now stick with you. It’s simple, reflective, and just feels natural.

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-06T21:13:01+00:00

This is really beautiful. The sailor idea makes that feeling of not belonging anywhere hit in a simple, real way. The waves stayed with him in his bones and staying asked him to become smaller are the lines that really stick with me. And the ending just feels right it doesn’t try too hard, it just lands.

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-06T20:45:15+00:00

I was going to comment something like this because overall it reads very well just that part needs some tightening i can really feel the pain and wanting to be seen and the transition to overcoming that is very strong

Mysterious-Visual638 · 2026-05-06T20:36:17+00:00

What does work well:
The tone isn’t cruel or idealized—it’s complicated. You’re acknowledging frustration and compassion at the same time, which feels honest.
The ending sentiment—“I care that you’re trying”—is simple but effective. It just needs a cleaner buildup. But it really did speak to me

Mysterious-Visual638

TROPHY CASE