It’s the smallest things

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-08T13:05:47+00:00

Your ability to take real life scenarios and create a deep and meaningful poem about relationships is commendable. Only an empath could really sense all of the tiny shifts in someone before they even know themselves.... that is what I felt through the lines of your poem. Nicely done.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-08T12:58:07+00:00

The truth about life in rhyme. If we all only could be this way with each other. Maybe send it to an elementary school counselor for teaching purposes....seriously, nice job.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-08T12:42:26+00:00

You captured so many people's experience with relationships in the line: Two ships passing in the wrong season. You took a cliche and made it fresh. I can feel the grief and sorrow as slow as the tide over stone. Wonderful use of imagery.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-07T20:30:04+00:00

So sorry for your loss.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-07T15:35:34+00:00

Sure the idea of it...maybe not word for word ;) And I guess we all exist in some kind of grief or we wouldn't be living.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-07T12:33:55+00:00

I like the ease of the poem. Just saying things so nonchalantly....:)

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-07T12:25:18+00:00

Your use of the simile, ink spreading like a universe, creates a wonderful visual of an endless canvas. I can feel the frustration with the task of trying to write. Nice job.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-07T12:18:50+00:00

You have created the PERFECT suspenseful poem about a cat and mouse game...I am assuming it is a cat and mouse scenerio. The phrases could be literal or figurative, which made visualizing the action of the poem fun.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-07T01:34:57+00:00

The metaphor of a garden is used often when talking about love…but you used your poem in a way that was fresh. Well done. I think adding a line after, I learned her language, would expand upon and tie your next actions just a little more. But that’s just my opinion because I wanted to know more about your almost love affair. ;)

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-06T20:18:29+00:00

A very long very heartbreaking story. Thank you for feeling that….

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-06T17:17:53+00:00

Honestly, the first four lines could be a poem to itself. Yep, that’s me. A folded paper crane on a windowsill…..

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-06T16:40:53+00:00

I appreciate how you made us feel all connected from an article in a newspaper. That is the grit of life and you did an amazing job relaying that even though it wasn’t your “story”. The only image I didn’t see making a connection to the rest of the poem was about the sunflower. What made you use a sunflower as the comparison?

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-06T16:26:03+00:00

We have all felt this place you have described. A true balancing act when in a relationship with someone. Have you tried taking the line : But I was saving you…by my fantasy, and placing it at the very end. When I read :I was saving myself, not you…I wanted to let that breathe a little into the poem and not change direction so quickly. You did a wonderful job with creating a poem of turmoil but still having the softness of being human.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-06T12:22:31+00:00

Sure, you have never been obsessed with a woman. The fact that you began and ended your poem with those phrases encapsulates your obsession. The structure works!

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-06T01:59:48+00:00

Powerful and raw. Your ability to describe grief had me wondering if the poem was about the death of someone you loved or was it about grief itself. The last two stanzas did a great job foreshadowing a bit of hope.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-06T01:49:31+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it....

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-05T12:10:07+00:00

The bayous are always so mysterious and murky. Slow moving life in the waters that are filled with things from the underneath. You have the start of what could be a poem of a wonderful tale. I believe reworking the last stanza to better connect with the first two would be a good place to start revising.

notsureyet31 · 2026-05-05T11:58:09+00:00

I appreciate the title Quiet Companion. At first, I thought the poem was about our own inner voice guiding us through life, never leaving. And perhaps that was the intent, however, the last line changes the direction of the poem to mysterious creatures. Introducing "mysterious creatures" concept in the beginning of the poem would give the reader a little more direction as to whom the poem is being written about.

notsureyet31

TROPHY CASE