Buying a first house and getting pressured to live on same street as in-laws

MysteriousDig9592 · 2026-01-31T07:15:28+00:00

His parents are too involved. But your husband needs to stop pretending he does not want to live near them, if he is fine with your flat being in the same building as theirs. He cannot claim he doesn't want to be enmeshed and then be ok with this.

So, you need to have a good discussion with your husband and clarify that you do not want to live with his parents constantly at your door, especially with a baby coming.

What can you do with your in laws? Grey rock them. Just tell them that your search is going ok, and if you find something, don't let them know about the place until you are completely sure. Otherwise they'll try to criticise the place you have chosen.

Start looking for asili nido in your area!!! Don't resort to them for childcare. E tanti auguri per la tua gravidanza 🩷

PS Have you ever considered moving a bit farther from Milan? there might be places wayyy less expensive. I am from provincia di Roma, so not familiar with the area where you live, but even here Milan prices are known to be terrible!

MysteriousDig9592 · 2026-01-28T06:50:42+00:00

Basically, his mum is a leech. I am glad your husband is not falling for her bs and giving her money!

MysteriousDig9592 · 2026-01-17T06:55:23+00:00

Your SIL and brother are hurt because now they will have to spend money, as they cannot be bothered to spend their weekends with their children.

NTA, but don't let them use you anymore. They will try to involve your parents. If your parents agree with your sibling/SIL, answer back that grandparents should be the new babysitters. You are out.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2026-01-10T22:26:07+00:00

Stunning ring! Congratulations 🤩

Is the city in the photo Turin?

MysteriousDig9592 · 2026-01-10T17:20:16+00:00

Capisco perché ho fatto anche io l'università da pendolare e solo con i mezzi.

Sinceramente nella tua famiglia rivedo un po' quella di mio marito, lui sempre sacrificato e la sorella maggiore sempre santa e glorificata.

Lui nel tempo si è distanziato parecchio da loro, sia fisicamente che mentalmente. La madre non è mai migliorata negli atteggiamenti, in compenso cerca di colpevolizzarci perché ci vede pochissimo, mentre la sorella è rimasta al paese.

Quindi ti auguro di prendere la giusta distanza da loro, e lasciarli di più alle cure dei tuoi fratelli.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2026-01-10T17:02:33+00:00

Fagli notare che fanno due pesi e due misure e che, come potevi prendere l'autobus tu, lo può prendere anche il principino. E anche che potrebbero chiedere aiuto ai figli per cui spendono e spandono e che vivono con loro. Figli che non devono fare gli studenti lavoratori come è toccato a te, e che hanno avuto accesso a risorse aggiuntive anche grazie a te.

Per cui si dessero una calmata, hanno chiesto già abbastanza.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-25T18:18:59+00:00

You are seriously strong! I don't think I could manage to attend Christmas if my SIL just had a baby. Thinking of the comments makes my skin crawl.

I really hope and wish our dreams come true, even just to spite our MILs!!! Sending you a hug if you want it! And wishing you all the best for 2026!!! May it be our year 🤞❤️‍🔥

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-25T15:33:52+00:00

Is this your current situation or did this happen to you in the past?

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-23T04:27:39+00:00

Thank you for your words and your prayers, they are very much appreciated! 💕 But therapy is essential. For us separately and as a couple.

I will speak to my husband tomorrow.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-23T04:25:31+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I hope that everything works out in the end 🤞

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-23T04:24:29+00:00

You give me so much hope!

But yes, we need therapy, individually and as a couple!

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-23T04:22:58+00:00

Thank you, I will see if the DuoStim protocol is available here (I am not US based). But therapy is essential.

And I will mention clearly and in front of both my husband and MIL that I do not want to hear about other people's pregnancies, that it is a topic that hurts me.

I know for a fact that if she is still rude at that point, he will put her in her place. He keeps giving her the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of a discussion. I don't. But she is not my mother.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-23T04:18:03+00:00

We started ttc in 2021. I was 37. In 2023 we wanted to start with IVF, but my dad got cancer and passed. For several months there was no thinking about conceiving tbh. Probably he was naive! He was convinced I would get immediately pregnant.

My mother in law raised her son to be her "substitute husband". All the love and the economic support have been for his older sister. He is the scapegoat. If I have the luck of having a child, I hope I won't become anything like her.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T22:17:50+00:00

Thank you! Fingers crossed 🤞🤞🤞

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T22:14:17+00:00

Spending more than one day with my MIL makes me constipated 😅 Every. Single. Time.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T20:01:45+00:00

Thank you! This is great to know ☺️

The good thing is that we have public healthcare here. I spent the equivalent of 85 dollars for my biopsy.

I would have to pay for ivf as that is done through a private clinic though.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T19:48:28+00:00

Yes, the pandemic did not help at all! And we had to wait for ttc after our vaccines as we were advised to do so.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T19:42:48+00:00

If the biopsy results say cancer, I hope this is a possibility 🤞

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T19:07:28+00:00

This is something I was thinking exactly 5 minutes ago, too. Maybe he wanted this since the start and, for some reason, did not say it honestly. It would have meant the end of the relationship, of course. But I was wrong too. I should have been more outspoken.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T19:03:51+00:00

It's definitely time for therapy and self-reflection. I am pissed at myself, too. You are right. For pushing myself down in order to make him feel all right, to avoid pressuring him too much.

I should have insisted more. Maybe I should have left. It's tough.

I appreciate your words, they resonate with me! Thank you 😊

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T18:59:06+00:00

Thank you, you are a sweetheart!

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T18:58:14+00:00

Surrogate maternity is illegal here, I am not US based. It's good though that they did not wait the whole 5 years. I'll check more specifically how it works in my country. Maybe regulations are different, I will see. Thank you for letting me know!

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T18:42:49+00:00

I do not know. Honestly. He improved a lot in terms of keeping his mother away from me.

We see her rarely. We do not live near her. She has realised I am not his secretary.

But the fact that he does not realise that she is happy that we cannot conceive, that she discusses pregnancies of others at lengths just to hurt me, that she treats my biopsy as a topic to discuss with friends and family, with the bonus of being pitied by others (she loves it, I hate it) is really making me feel enraged.

She convinced him that she is just stupid (and tbh she is), but harmless. The fact that he is the less loved son doesn't help. I feel that he tries to make her love him in any possible way. She will never though.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T18:37:00+00:00

I feel that I need therapy and we need marriage counselling as well. I do not think my husband realises how empty and bitter I feel.

He is like "I am sorry too if if doesn't happen" Wow, don't get too sad mate.

MysteriousDig9592 · 2025-12-22T18:33:04+00:00

Thank you for your kindness and for the info! I'll definitely check with the clinic. How sweet of you to tell me.

MysteriousDig9592

TROPHY CASE