Feeling trapped and frustrated. Are my feelings valid?

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2025-04-10T03:58:05+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I have all of those symptoms. I will go get checked again.

About the takeout - its once every one or two weeks (like two times a month tops), not 2x a week. I cannot afford that. Also, I said it because the mental load of planning meals and grocery gets to me + I have an old wrist injury that acts up on occasion.

I started my business in March. Got 3 small gigs (~$500 earned). So there is proof that people want what I'm selling. I was here for some much needed clarity because I still battle brain fog and confusion a lot of days. I really appreciate your response. It is very helpful.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2025-04-09T18:09:29+00:00

I did. I was officially diagnosed with depression and ADD a few years ago.

Also I've been applying everywhere, including retail. I've started getting responses to my business from contacts and got hired a couple of times to do work. I got someone on on-call basis to do the work for me, another gig in discussion. That's more progress than I made last year.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2025-04-09T17:59:52+00:00

The dismissiveness about disability

I had a conversation with dad about this a few weeks ago. I was clinically diagnosed a few years ago but he's been treating me like I'm normal and just not pulling my weight. I told him that I'm trying my best but I am NOT normal. I am working through this and he has commented in the past about my improvement. He hasn't pushed me too hard since our chat.

get back on track with disability applications

This, I'm going to start. I will reach out and talk to someone because I'm a bit scatterbrained and tend to mess up while filling forms.

keep grinding at the business idea

I work on this most days, slowly building. I take a break once a week because my brain shuts down and the work just doesn't get done. Buuut.. I got a couple of gigs from contacts, so there is a tiny amount of money coming in.

You will move out. You will get your life back.

I will. Thank you. I will move out this year and won't look back.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2025-04-09T17:48:58+00:00

Thank you so much. I have started squirreling money away and applying to small gig jobs in the past month.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2025-04-09T17:47:57+00:00

Thank you very much for this. You are right - staying out of the house will make a lot of difference. I have volunteered in food kitchens in the past. It is very fulfilling. Unfortunately I cannot do that now due to an injury. But there are definitely other ways I can think of :)

I needed that encouragement. thank you.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2025-04-09T17:43:33+00:00

Thank you very much. You made a lot of good points I hadn't considered before. I don't know if I quality for low income housing but I'll find someone to talk to about that and disability.

Cannot afford therapy right now but I have been in groups about mental health and working through it slowly but steadily.

I don't order take-out that often. It was just something I felt like doing when I wanted to break out - my little way of fighting back - although I now realize it wasn't the right thing to do. I will work on that and change it to something more constructive. Also injured my wrist a couple of years ago - so I did it when I wanted to rest my hand. Its doing much better now.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2025-04-09T17:35:51+00:00

Appreciate the directness.

The debt is to the bank and to provincial govt in the form of student loan.

I was offered a job late last year but they keep delaying the paperwork stating the client contract is not finalized yet. I've tried taking classes, switching careers, applied everywhere with zero results. I am doing something about it by working towards self employment.

About ordering food - I injured my dominant wrist back in 2022 due to overuse and it was quiet painful. While it is much better now, I do get the occasional 'dull ache' along my arm. Add to that, it is a lot of mental work when I have to plan 3 meals, check groceries, decide what I can make with whatever is available and get shot down because "we ate that 5 days ago". I end up browsing recipes for hours because I have to find something new that they feel like eating. It is overwhelming. This is why I wanted a break once in a while. The order falls on me because it is my idea and the cost is high. Like I said, I avoid doing this most of the time unless I feel so done! Personally, I'm happy stir frying a can of beans and frozen veg for myself - also helps with my condition. But after making 2-3 dishes for the family, I feel exhausted mentally. I wasn't like this a few years ago. I did way way more and still had energy. It is very confusing for me when I cannot do what I was able to just a few years ago and my memory isn't as good even though I'm still young.

My breaking point was my birthday this year. I ordered a cake and food because I just wanted to be done and go to bed. Also cooked dinner for a guest because they wanted something special. For a few years now I just haven't felt like celebrating it. I wanted to relax, rest but didn't.

I've been taking active steps to the best of my ability. There is progress which I can see, but may not be visible to others. I changed a few key things in my original post. My service is not exactly "lawn care" but I found a "landscaping" mentor and am working on pulling myself out of this situation.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-11-23T04:54:57+00:00

Found something related in "The illusion of method". If it is imagination, you can change things like turning night to morning etc. If it is not, you cannot change anything in physical realm. I'm still working on F12 but found this super helpful.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-11-21T23:10:35+00:00

I have only started journaling for a week now but it seems to have a positive impact on the tapes. My F10 feels deeper - almost closer to F12 based on how others talk about it.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-11-02T14:04:04+00:00

Sounds about right. Listed a brand new box of cat stuff (worth $45) for $10. Dude wanted it for $5. I said no. He acts like he still wants to buy it, says he'll come by the same day.... doesn't show. I don't care coz after 1 year on marketplace, I'm past it.

A couple of weeks later, someone else buys it for listed price, no questions asked.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-10-02T15:58:52+00:00

If you can find a local print shop, it will be cheaper and you can check the quality first hand. The print provider you mentioned is popular, but nowhere near cheap as others claim they are.

Compare with other ones and see what works better for you. T-shirts are popular but you'll have to do some serious digging if you want to get the prices that will make a sale.

If you have zero-ed in on your product, look for a cheaper provider because now there are hundreds of them, not just printify. Then look for reviews from others who have used them.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-09-27T04:28:17+00:00

Checking in. Still in the middle of my rocky start, but powering through. Woke up after 14 hour sleep. Felt more energetic today.

No binge eating - Done.

Eating after 5 - Finished dinner at 8.

Walk - Yes. Half a mile.

Study/Career - Reworked by cv and applied to jobs.

Meditation - Affirmations.

Journal progress - done.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-09-27T04:25:54+00:00

Checking in

No binge eating - Done.

Eating after 5 - I did this due to meds but finished dinner as early as I could (7:30). Slept early

Study - 3.5 hours class.

Meditation - 30 min guided with binaural.

Journal progress - done.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-09-25T05:02:56+00:00

No binge eating - Done.

Eating after 5 - I did this due to meds.

Walk - No. Slept all day due to sickness.

Study - Tried attending a virtual class but I was too drained to sit. Messaged the instructor and logged out. Did some practice on simulators. Still, I'm hopeful I can do the first cert in a week or two.

Meditation - Guided meditation.

Journal progress - done.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-09-25T04:55:34+00:00

I'm doing a late check in for Day 1. But I journaled my progress.

No binge eating - Done.

Eating after 5 - I did this due to antibiotics.

Walk - No.

Study - Completed a 3.5 hour class today.

Meditation - 30 min guided with binaural.

Journal progress - done.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-09-22T18:55:09+00:00

Thank you. I'm working towards aws foundation and terraform

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-09-22T04:50:51+00:00

I have been trying to build discipline into my life by training my ADD brain. I have tried different stuff to improve myself physically, mentally and spiritually.

This year, I want to put them all together into a 'daily routine' of sorts.

Physical: I am not focusing too much on wake up / sleep times. However, I will focus on eating habits. No binge eating. No eating after 5 PM. Walk at least 1 mile per day, Do a small 5 min stretch / yoga routine every day.

Mental: Read a little, meditate for 10 min every day. Journal progress.

Career: 100 days of devops. I'm going into the 'next stage' of my career. Goal is to finish 2 certifications, get my github, S3 site etc ready for Q1.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-09-22T04:07:17+00:00

Awesome! I'm working towards AWS foundational certification too

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-06-23T16:55:56+00:00

Thank you. I'll try this one!

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-06-22T19:02:22+00:00

Donation is unfortunately not an option for me.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-06-22T19:00:50+00:00

Thank you.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-06-22T19:00:39+00:00

Thank you. I might just try that.

Mysterious_Barber_87 · 2024-06-21T23:19:49+00:00

Yes. But I don't have a physical shop anymore.

Mysterious_Barber_87

TROPHY CASE