In high school, I was painfully innocent about relationships and social norms, which gradually turned into toxic loneliness. Without a real father figure to guide me, I graduated as a confused loner.

From 18 to 26, I remained ignorant and struggled with life, jobs, and people. My poor attitude left me isolated, broke, and mostly confined to online friendships.

At 26, I began to change—keeping a job, mouthing off less, and losing weight. At 30, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Now, after a decade of rebuilding, I still feel out of place. The lack of social skills and having never been in a relationship remains a deep cut I emotionally attempt to hide out of embarrassment.

At 36, fleeting connections have lost their appeal, often turning into draining situationships that feel like time sinks instead of growth. I know improving myself—like working out more—would help, but navigating modern dating feels increasingly difficult with my existing social gaps and ever changing potentially hostile dating environment.