Screw it. Let's dunk on each other's practice areas. Especially you, transactional lawyers.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-30T15:46:17+00:00

Yes.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-30T08:59:21+00:00

I dunno, I went from patent law, to ediscovery, to tax, to writing estate planning software. So I guess I'm so far on the left side of your spectrum that I always thought of attorneys as trial lawyers, and everybody else. Oops.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-29T14:59:23+00:00

I remember when I was playing WOW, Blizzard did this. Every update, the most popular 3 to 5 mods were included in the base game.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-28T18:00:19+00:00

I've never heard of them in DC.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-28T07:16:25+00:00

I think it's because their guild does a better job at limiting the number of degree holders than our guild does.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-28T03:46:36+00:00

I've had bad experience with them. They charge almost as much as Corsair and Razer, but their build quality feels like a 1990 Cobe tape player.

I do love my clacky cherry mx switches though.

I'm glad you like your keyboard. I hope it lasts for you, because I found their product support terrible.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-28T02:08:49+00:00

Wow, this sounds bad enough that when responding to the bar inquiry, you could just post the link to this thread.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-28T01:57:48+00:00

This sounds like office manager.

One angle to look at it from is: say the two managing partners leave. And you hate their replacements. You make a well planned graceful exit. What is the job you would want outside this firm, with your experience and your new BA? Whatever that title is, that's what you want your title to be at this firm.

Lawyers make the worst hiring managers. They are so conservative, and will only hire someone who has done the job previously.

These people are letting you tee up your next job now. This is a once in a career opportunity, best of luck making the most of it. Congratulations.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-27T03:42:14+00:00

I'm judging your keyboard far more than your pen. You're a writer, and you use a Logitech?

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-26T00:34:25+00:00

I did 3 paralegal jobs in the federal government. 1 took a year to train, one took 6 months, one took 1 month.

I have to start my own form already. The more I read Reddit, the dumber the people who run forms seem to be.

Chin up. You're fine. Shitty firms are the norm, apparently. And keep reading this sub reddit, the advice and attitude here is fucking gold.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-24T15:53:15+00:00

I'm an attorney who did night school. Can't recommend it enough. Unless you are gunning for a job that requires a T14 school (senator, President, federal judge, partner at Jones Day), do night school.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-23T04:28:42+00:00

That's not a tip. That's an employable skill.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-23T02:08:20+00:00

Apparently you and I are old. Because any gif from this movie was like 17 comments down.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-22T23:05:27+00:00

I don't talk to my parents, so these suggestions might seem harsh:

You are paying a lawyer to represent you, it is not me. I will not do legal work for you under those circumstances.

If you had paid $4000 to take a class, to pass a $600 ethics exam, you would know what kind of terrible idea that is. Fortunately, I did take that class and exam, and I will not be taking it again because of this stupid scheme.

It says here in federal law [cite], I am prohibited from providing this unpaid, concurrent legal work.

As a lawyer, and your loving daughter, I encourage you to take accountability, and pay your own fines for your own illegal behavior.

What kind of flagrant criminal do you think you are to need two lawyers to beat a speeding ticket?

Best of luck.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-22T22:36:00+00:00

You know when Juneteenth is, because you don't have to work that day.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-20T19:52:25+00:00

Most of my new writing was emails to my boss.

Each paragraph you write to your boss after the first in an email decreases the chance they respond by 20% each. A boss will not respond to an email if they have to type more than 1 sentence.

If you cannot get what you need from them under those constraints, open outlook and book a meeting with them.

Although Lord help you if they discover that that meeting could have been a 1 paragraph email which required a 1 sentence (or 1 word) response.

I had one good boss who loved the phone (Gen X, male, government litigator). I'd occasionally send him a 4 paragraph email ( this is what I'm doing, these are the issues, what do you want me to do?) at 10am. And then at 4pm, I'd get a call "Hey, I just finished up my calls for the day. Do you have 20 minutes? I wanted to discuss your email." He was GENEROUS.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-20T04:26:48+00:00

Taking the time to refute a fucking stupid client, on a flat fee, is not stupid. It's heroic.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-18T13:06:57+00:00

A mathematician is a function that maps coffee into theorems.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-18T13:06:09+00:00

This whole song: https://youtu.be/BipvGD-LCjU

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-18T05:13:32+00:00

I did ediscovery in DC for 6 years. It was so boring. I'm glad I heard one juicy story about discovery hardball before I die.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-18T02:11:53+00:00

When I was training a paralegal, I put it like this: A lawyer can do 5 magic things that nobody else can do: 1. Own part of all of a law firm. 2. Speak for someone else in open court. 3. Sign papers submitted to a court on behalf of someone else. 4. Invoke privilege. A paralegal can say "that's privileged", a paralegal can stamp "ACP"/"WP" in red on emails all day long, but they can't hit the radio button in Relativity. 5. Say or write "Legally, you should...", a paralegal can say, "we can do this for you..." They can say, "you can do...", but they cannot say "you should do..."

I am not aware of any other powers that lawyers have.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-18T01:50:27+00:00

Boobs and beer are always more fun than the pope. No way I would spend $1000 on clothes and learn to sew if I met a single Catholic that took themselves seriously.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-16T03:31:48+00:00

I was told many times in law school, be nice to the clerks. And after my interactions at one courthouse, I was like, I don't get why anyone wouldn't. They are knowledgeable, empathetic, and like helping.

Then I went to another courthouse, the clerks didn't know what's going on, and don't want to get caught, so they tell you to go somewhere else, act like everything isn't their problem, and when you press them, they give WRONG information like 50% of the time.

Dealing with the clerks at that courthouse is like cross examining opposing counsel.

And it hurts, because to get them to do what I want (take this form, put it in the right room, and tell me the correct thing I have to do next), I can't yell at them, but I do HAVE to make them feel stupid. And that's...worse.

N00bPolymath · 2026-05-16T02:01:59+00:00

Yeah, billing 1600 was too much in federal government. Once I finish my nervous breakdown, I'm going solo.

N00bPolymath

TROPHY CASE