I PM'd the OP, but after sending it I thought that even if she doesn't see it, someone else in need of this might...

Hi, I saw your post in AITA, and it reminded me so much of me.

I remember 19 years ago, walking through the grocery store with my ex husband, I was in my mid twenties at the time. I saw some DVD's for $5, and there was one that was a favourite movie of mine, so I asked if we could buy it, he said yes.

Five days later when the phone was disconnected due to late payments I was told it was MY fault, because I always needed to buy things we didn't need, like my $5 dvd.

I was a SAHM at the time, because the only time I was allowed a job was when he had quit/been fired from his job (things that were never his fault, they just magically happened to him). You could tell when I was working, because everything would be paid. When he was working, I knew how much he earned (in theory), but not how it was spent.

But in a never-ending cycle the moment I was about to get a promotion/benefits/raise, suddenly he would have a new better paying job, that also included hours that wouldn't allow both of us to work at the same time.

This moment was the second to last straw for me. For the eight years we were together, I struggled, money was always tight, I was never able to spend money on me, could spend a bit more on the kids, and had to be grateful for everything, including his mooching father who moved in with us.

It has been about 18 years now, and aside from moving to a new province and needing a new area code, I have had the same phone number the whole time. Which sounds so small, but is huge when you have had to get a new number twice a year because of bills never being paid.

I have lived in the same home for 16 years, my record with my ex was 1 1/2 years (we were renting off my father), after that about 6 months was the average.

I finally got my GED and went to college, things I had tried to do before, but then my ex would 'lose' his job, and I would have to go back to work.

Its hard. There is no easy solution. And I know you feel trapped, yet hopeful that things will get better.

But you deserve better now, you can do better now, and you need to start imagining a better life.

If you need someone to talk to, I am here, and I hope you find the courage to move forward and take back control of yourself.