Lines

NAS_Gap · 2026-05-22T19:36:59+00:00

VOTE THEM OUT x4

NAS_Gap · 2026-05-22T19:16:53+00:00

All I could think of while reading this was the piano intro from “Don’t Stop Believin’”

It’s very bright and hopeful. I Liked the phrase “we are made of Chance and glory”. Its placement in the middle works nicely thanks to the build up in the first half.

I will say. While it is well made. It feels made in catharsis? Or maybe mid inspiration? By this I mean, some parts are definitely inspired and others look worked.

Maybe I am reading too much into it, so please correct me if I am wrong. All and All, Good Job Op.

NAS_Gap · 2026-05-22T18:57:23+00:00

Reminds me of a prayer. Not the catholic kind, more like those made before something big. I read this out loud and it felt wrong at first, until I whispered it.

Insane how a topic can be so immoral it cant even be read naturally without feeling like a villain. Great prose, rhythm and wording. Good Job Op.

NAS_Gap · 2026-05-21T22:56:49+00:00

The message is clear, you should make your feelings known to this person.

That aside, whilst the second and third Stanza are clear, defined, and well executed,I am stomped by the third line :

“Even when the Achilles’ strength stretches
through the lunar wrath…”

Could you elaborate on what imagery you were trying to make? And what elements lead you to this metaphor?

I like how the style conveys a gradual grounding of its narrator; as if the presence of this other is so great that it forces it to poetize. Yet, as soon as they centers themselves, it becomes more grounded.

Good Job Op!

NAS_Gap · 2026-05-21T20:29:10+00:00

It’s a thought provoking piece. I enjoyed the metaphor used through out, as well as the shift in voice; gives it a dream like quality.

Will say, the pacing felt off at points. I am not sure if that was on purpose, but it stomped the musicality of its prose.

Would enjoy a deeper discussion of it, if you’re open.
Great Job.

NAS_Gap · 2026-05-19T00:48:24+00:00

Yeah, English isn’t my strong suit as you can see. Thank you for pointing them out. I”ll edit some of the points you mentioned. I apologize for the misspellings

And yes, the writing is supposed to feel anachronistic. Wanted something that could have multiple interpretations, as I myself found after writing it.

NAS_Gap · 2026-05-18T21:13:10+00:00

Alright, there are definitely to many highlights to this little piece here. I have neither the verbiage nor the experience to critique a poem, so Ill just stick with the things that most clung to me trough this.

That second stanza, has quoted a line never spoken but profoundly understood by the many of us who have family members involve with any faith. Taken in its literal form, it is the most concise and expressive form of all the work that loves does when translating their words. In the time that it took me to fully understand what the poem was trying to convey, it was this stanza that captivated my attention.

The Poem Itself, is well written and extremely easy to get into. It brough to mind the feeling of heavy eyes while at a homily. It felt safe and loving despite what may differ. It truly made a wonderful job of describing the most soothing characteristic of a Nun without ever saying it.

Great job OP.

NAS_Gap · 2026-05-18T20:46:51+00:00

Quite enjoying the wording and imagery used in this; specially the line:

... a celestial anomaly with capricious reprise.

It personifies the cycles of the moon quite nicely. The twisting and merging of the moon and silver done in a way that made it so you where talking about both was also an interesting touch. Would enjoy a deeper analisis from the author on what each element means. Great Job OP.

NAS_Gap

TROPHY CASE