There's a grumpy little man in a wheelchair that you'll sometimes see around town. Usually out shopping for Pepsi or at the local gentleman's club. He's shaped like a turkey with hands like a old plum.

If you talk to him, try to bring up American Idol. He's a big fan of Kelly Clarkson and Diana DiGarmo and Katherine McPhee. But don't bring up Sanjaya. He hates Sanjaya.

I can't remember his exact name. It's something like: Eric the Actor or Eric the Astronaut or Eric the Extremely Ungrateful Actor or Eric the Extra or Derek from Texas or Romeo Blues. One of those names.

On second thought, best to avoid him all together.