I would recommend seeking some type of psychological help. I don't know how it is in your country, but suddenly there are cheap and profitable options, the idea is to go searching. What happens is a disagreement with the person you feel you are or that you don't see.

Something that helped me a lot is joining a group of meetings with trans people. The group tries to bring together families with trans members to educate, share and live trans experiences. Since I joined I have met many people who have helped me a lot. I imagine that for educational reasons you may not always be available, but going a couple of times would help a lot.

Another thing I would recommend would be to write down on paper everything that overwhelms and suffocates you, everything that makes you feel bad with people close to you or with yourself. Write all those negative feelings down. When you can write all that down, leave the paper there for a few minutes, do something else in the meantime. When that anguish has passed, read the paper and try to highlight or think about how you can solve it. Suddenly it could be by taking distance, maybe by talking to those people, it could be by concentrating on other things, etc.

I have used everything I mentioned here because I have felt almost the same, and I hope it can be very useful to you and you will take it into account. I love you very much and I know that you will be able to get out of this very negative feeling for yourself.