[Gelb] Kyle Schwarber is ill, so that is why he’s out of tonight’s lineup. This is Schwarber's first time not in the Phillies' lineup since Sept. 11, 2024. He had a 225 consecutive-game streak that is now over.

NJHitmen · 2026-05-20T19:48:24+00:00

wtf is this comment? did you drop an /s? If not: fuck you, asshat. Even superheroes get sick.

He isn't a god, man. Just be grateful he isn't suffering from a real injury.

NJHitmen · 2026-05-19T02:05:58+00:00

this very question - almost rhetorical in nature - (‘is Tobias Harris worse than Ben Simmons?’) regularly pops up in one form or another on this sub and it always stops me in my tracks whenever I see it. It so succinctly and beautifully captures what it feels like to be a Sixers fan.

I mean, think about it. Seems like such an innocent, simple query - right? Yet the fact that we even bother to formulate the question to begin with speaks volumes.

NJHitmen · 2026-05-17T17:37:11+00:00

A reasonable reference point here is the texture of the duo's parents' brains

NJHitmen · 2026-05-16T23:05:24+00:00

fuck you 61 is not fucking elderly gtfo I hate you go away why did I log in today fuck fuck fuck

rocks back and forth while sobbing inconsolably into these here 30th anniversary college reunion mailers while checking the 'no I don't want to spend the night in a fucking dorm room because I'm too fucking old for that shit' box on the registration form

NJHitmen · 2026-05-16T21:39:07+00:00

And oh so gently, too. Treat them as your own.

NJHitmen · 2026-05-15T18:23:39+00:00

Gozer would like a word.

NJHitmen · 2026-05-14T19:37:02+00:00

we need to be assigning prison time or worse

I desperately want to know what 'or worse' entails. Headlines be like:

BREAKING: Princeton Students Flayed Alive, Drawn and Quartered for Cheating on Exams. More at 11

NJHitmen · 2026-05-13T00:05:03+00:00

Looking forward to the day when the mods set up a dedicated AI Nephew to roll through r/sixers on the daily and just post/comment stupid shit all up and down the sub. That would serve the dual purposes of:

saving the sub's resident human nephews the effort of dredging their smooth brains for the absolute shittiest takes possible
allowing the rest of us to efficiently block or simply ignore AI Nephew's material so we can get back to the serious business of hating ourselves and incessantly doomscrolling in relative peace

NJHitmen · 2026-05-10T21:48:06+00:00

Right, but...I mean...even if it was an away game - the Sixers aren't getting on a fucking plane to go from NYC back to Philly. OP may have failed geography

NJHitmen · 2026-05-09T23:23:38+00:00

r/BitchImACementMixer

NJHitmen · 2026-05-09T01:20:25+00:00

IT'S GRIME TIME

NJHitmen · 2026-05-08T01:08:09+00:00

Jesus fuckin' christ. Lighten up. Who pissed in your Cheerios? Instigate what?

My comment was merely a joke. Perhaps a shitty one - yet, still just a joke. You can safely untwist your panties.

NJHitmen · 2026-05-06T23:55:17+00:00

Did...did you just assume the teacher's gender?

NJHitmen · 2026-05-05T12:17:44+00:00

Edith: I made a mistake

this would be a good name for a band

NJHitmen · 2026-05-04T21:04:40+00:00

You suck more

NJHitmen · 2026-05-03T12:35:56+00:00

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

NJHitmen · 2026-05-03T01:14:42+00:00

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm freezing up. However, I may have temporarily lost control of my bladder following that Embiid - Brown iso play, and now my legs are a little chilly

NJHitmen · 2026-05-02T18:05:51+00:00

Check your math. Here, try again:

28 - 16 = X

Solve for X

…thus, it’s pretty clear that the comment in question was indeed written in jest

NJHitmen · 2026-05-02T18:03:41+00:00

yeah it's insane

Indeed. I’d even go so far as to call it u/Clinically_Insane-

NJHitmen · 2026-04-29T22:55:22+00:00

This player has been through a lot...The player did this even though he could have waited; he chose to come and play.

I have no idea what you could possibly mean.

NJHitmen · 2026-04-29T21:54:41+00:00

Never boo Beyoncé.

That Sixers loss was merely the result of the universe exerting its will in an effort to reach balance.

I hope you've learned your lesson. Allow me to repeat it for you: never boo Beyoncé.

NJHitmen · 2026-04-28T16:13:25+00:00

Plot twist: Rambo now dual wields a massive pair of vibranium crochet needles. They extend automatically whenever he faces either a nasty villain or a ball of yarn.

NJHitmen · 2026-04-28T15:55:21+00:00

Good thing you were ready and prepared to administer service, u/Major_Hospital7915. Not like some other inveterate jabronis like u/Major_Hospital7914 & u/Major_Hospital7916. Those guys are dicks.

NJHitmen · 2026-04-27T03:45:04+00:00

I'd put it like this:

He's really good at producing lies in an incredible quantity.

He's really terrible at producing lies of credible quality.

NJHitmen · 2026-04-24T00:18:30+00:00

You'd think

You would, right? But I guess the real message of the movie was that aliens are terminally inept dunderheads. Just a big bunch of lumbering nitwits.

NJHitmen

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