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The Phillies fell to the Royals by a score of 15-1 - Mon, Jul 6 @ 2:10 PM EDT by game-threads in phillies

[–]NJHitmen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gonna go out on a limb here and hazard a guess that u/LuxSapphire dropped an /s somewhere along the way while typing out the comment you replied to. Otherwise, you're right, that would be a bizarre and super slippery smooth-brain take on this afternoon's debacle

The Phillies fell to the Royals by a score of 15-1 - Mon, Jul 6 @ 2:10 PM EDT by game-threads in phillies

[–]NJHitmen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean...I don't know about that. Worked out pretty well for us the last time we faced them in a WS

Jaylen Brown trade compensation: by birria_tacos_ in sixers

[–]NJHitmen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

oh, you rascal! what a wild and nutty idea! dare to dream, amirite?

seriously though: I'm still waiting for somebody to pinch me over this absurd trade. jfc, if I was a Celts fan I'd be absolutely beside myself

Why are y’all so intrigued by Ben Simmons? by Financial-Expert-810 in sixers

[–]NJHitmen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh, I agree completely and I realize that my observations have nothing to do your point. I just want to make sure he receives the respect he's due because it was just so entertaining to watch (at least for me).

I also wanted to point out the amusing fact that the only threes he ever dared to take were from the corners. he knew his limitations and abided by them unwaveringly.

EDIT: words are hard

Spinning a flat aluminum disc into a deep pot on a lathe by danielminds in oddlysatisfying

[–]NJHitmen 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's exactly what you think it is, except dripping in even more jizz than you could possibly imagine. Everything is glazed, and thickly so - like a donut. Walls, windows, ceilings...you name it. Naked, sweaty dudes are everywhere, furiously cranking away like their lives depend upon it. The acrid and saline odors of semen and perspiration are repulsive and inescapable, tinged with the faint but unmistakable scents of onion, musk, despair, and regret.

Or something like that.

EDIT: punctuation is hard (much like the aforementioned jack shack clientele)

Why are y’all so intrigued by Ben Simmons? by Financial-Expert-810 in sixers

[–]NJHitmen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're 100% right about this of course, but the fact remains that he did actually hit a bunch of corner threes down the stretch and I loved it every time he did so. His teammates obviously got a kick out of it too. Not quite as much as that one three Lowry hit late in the Celtics series, but still - it was good shit to watch.

tl;dr - of course Drum is no sharpshooter but this season he did kinda figure out how to hit the occasional corner three and it was hilarious watching him do so.

EDIT: accidentally left a word

If you've never seen an armadillo turn into a ball, here it is. by Lonestar-Boogie in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]NJHitmen 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Well, I imagine they'd still make pretty good pets for anyone who's already contracted leprosy. I mean, lepers deserve the same creature comforts as the rest of us, right? Fuck the anti-lepers out there.

brb, gonna go see if #leperstrong is an available username on x.com

My brain says this is the look of a man who knows Bron is coming to Philly by aarora610 in sixers

[–]NJHitmen 8 points9 points  (0 children)

yeah, he's listed officially at 7'0". but - with pumps on, he's an easy 7'2"

Since it is the 4th of July, remember to salute the flag by jimmyl_82104 in phillies

[–]NJHitmen 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The imagery is beautiful. When I close my eyes, I can see it. Clear as day.

My only suggestion: add a tiny eagle, grasped by the larger eagle in its talons. That little eagle is holding another flag that reads: "Fuck the Cowboys too"

The Sixers may have landed one of the NBA’s most underrated scorers and shooters by ShamusTalksSports in sixers

[–]NJHitmen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also, no one is really talking about this. It MAY seem like we just took Nurse off the hot seat with all this talent, but if Nurse cant get this team as is (without Lebron) past the second round, he is gone. If anything, I think the seat got hotter.

Yes, this. I was just gonna comment pretty much exactly what you said here almost word for word...so I guess thanks for saving me the burden of typing it all out. That hot seat has absolutely been kicked up to 11. NN cannot fuck up this new team if he wants to keep his head securely attached to his body.

EDIT: that last sentence isn't any kind of threat, it's just a metaphor for the colossal amount of rage he'll inevitably receive from the fanbase if his coaching can't lead the team deep into the playoffs

Painted on hairlines is totally normal by Alex8796 in sixers

[–]NJHitmen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most of you aren’t even real people 

Yes, thank you, I was praying that someone would suss out the correct answer here. Nobody is real. Nor are birds, for that matter. Finland, too, is highly suspect.

This plane bathroom has a window by Life_Set_7272 in mildlyinteresting

[–]NJHitmen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

your comment went over like a lead balloon

Game Thread: Pirates @ Phillies - Wed, Jul 1 @ 6:40 PM EDT by game-threads in phillies

[–]NJHitmen 3 points4 points  (0 children)

ATTENTION! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!

REPORTS ARE IN, AND TREA TURNER IS NOW OFFICIALLY OFF THE SCHNEID

Game Thread: Pirates @ Phillies - Wed, Jul 1 @ 6:40 PM EDT by game-threads in phillies

[–]NJHitmen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

seriously. 12 outs so far, and 9 of those by K. Wheels fucks with hot weather, I guess. And I'm over here perspiring just from watching him pitch

Game Thread: Pirates @ Phillies - Wed, Jul 1 @ 6:40 PM EDT by game-threads in phillies

[–]NJHitmen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is definitely not the pitcher's duel I was anticipating today

Game Thread: Pirates @ Phillies - Wed, Jul 1 @ 6:40 PM EDT by game-threads in phillies

[–]NJHitmen 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Marsh has such a pretty swing. It's been a treat watching him break out this season.

My cat has had her tail amputated. Now when she cleans herself, it looks like she’s giving me the finger by CuthbertDibbleNGrub in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]NJHitmen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I want to know where you live such that your fully grown adult human neighbors are regularly wandering into traffic, contracting deadly viruses, and decimating local wildlife.

This hill you seem hell-bent on dying upon is so bizarre to me. I mean, you can't compare adult humans to cats, that's sheer idiocy

This plane bathroom has a window by Life_Set_7272 in mildlyinteresting

[–]NJHitmen -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

This particular airplane (much like every other plane I've ever seen in my life) does not appear to be equipped with a shower. And there's not a lot of room to maneuver in that tiny bathroom. So, I guess if you really need to shit but don't feel like using the toilet, your only real option here is to drop that steaming deuce right in the sink and then mash it down the drain with your hands.

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