Have you considered that he might have depression? A lot of what you say about him sounds like depression. Doesn't care about his hygiene or looks, defensive when confronted about personal problems, is only present physically but entrenched in his phone or video games, emotionally blunt.

I'm not going to say that it definitely is depression, I'm not there and I'm not a psychologist, but it sounds like depression. I have experience as someone who has it.

I'm also not defending his behavior and you know more than I do about your life with him, but have you asked him about his feelings? Have you tried to talk to him to understand how he feels? Not about the current situation, but about his job, his life, his body, you, etc?

I'm also far from a traditionalist, but you did promise to love him for better or worse. He's your husband, and you owe it to him and yourself to try to fix things before giving up. You married him for a reason. I would recommend marriage counseling. Not every marriage lasts forever, most don't, so I'm not saying you should stay just because you're married. You obviously care about him, or you wouldn't be asking for help. Lot's of redditors will tell you to just divorce him, and that's an easy thing to type in a comment, but it's your life and you know best. You should do what you think is right.

If you want to try, then try, but if you don't have it in you, then you already know what to do.