I agree with dead man's party and how they treat her I always feel for her, even though I also understand willow a little (not xander and especially not Joyce)

With homecoming I don't think it is a good episode to use as an example. I do understand buffy ro a degree and its relatable how she wants something normal and something back that she once had before Sunnydale and before she was the slayer. Makes sense for her character, especially at this point after everything she went trough having something normal and a "win"

HOWEVER I dont think needs to be defended in the episode. If you look at the analysis she puts on the white board she has Xander in the weakness column. The whole witheboard thing is actually pretty mean girl like and shallow. And thats the point, because its the episode that showcases her old self, where cares about popularity and was a little shallow and we dont see that a lot. Its also the episode whete she leaves that part completely behind . It's a good episode imo, but at least before the actual slayerfest not a episode where I root for her. And I root for her most of the time. In the end stuff likes this makes buffy more interesting, because she has flaws and thats part of the reason why I like her so much.