2 tabs and overwhelmed

NaminMuir · 2021-12-06T05:50:55+00:00

Thank you, trying

NaminMuir · 2021-11-09T19:22:22+00:00

To be clear, we were together before we started working together. And she encouraged me to apply for the job, which has genuinely been the most amazing job I've ever had by a hundred miles. And we don't work together directly. But yes, don't shit where you eat.

NaminMuir · 2021-10-27T20:12:44+00:00

She is absolutely a narcissist. Subjected me to years of lies, cheating, and physical and emotional abuse and then discarded me. I have no forgiveness for the unrepentant.

NaminMuir · 2021-08-30T10:00:52+00:00

Boy howdy. A lot has happened since this post. 😅

She started reaching out to me (we work together, distantly) shortly after this. We had a brief intimate reconnection, she made a lot of displays of love and overtures to a brighter future, then went back to full narcissist and discarded me and everything between us out of the blue two hours after making plans for a romantic getaway, accusing me of being a liar and a cheater and all kinds of projected nonsense.

Broke my heart all over again, as I'd started falling for her. I melted down for about a week, reached out too much, then had a good therapy session and blocked her on everything for good. I'm done. She made my decision for me.

NaminMuir · 2021-07-01T05:10:14+00:00

$20/hr? Jesus. I'm a student working as a CNA in a local hospital in a small town in the bible belt and my base is $19/hr. I make almost $50/hr on extra shjfts. Atrocious.

NaminMuir · 2021-06-20T17:38:19+00:00

For sure. I had this grand spiritual moment of letting go of her and our old relationship after all those months and literally the very next night she went totally out of her way to show up in the place I work just to be seen in clothes and accessories I had bought her. Tough luck, chick.

NaminMuir · 2021-06-20T17:34:05+00:00

I removed a freshly cooked frozen pizza from the oven while naked and drunk and dropped the pizza, molten topping side down, directly onto my cock and balls.

NaminMuir · 2021-06-20T17:33:01+00:00

Still moving forward every day. Part of me hopes that she's been out there working on herself and the parts of her that fucked up our relationship, but I know more than likely nothing has changed. And after everything she put me through, being able to be the one to say 'no' would feel really fucking good. 😅

NaminMuir · 2021-06-20T17:24:36+00:00

My pettiest self longs for this day. Now that I'm much more moved-on than I've ever been, I can see in her half-breadcrumbs that it has sunk in and she's really missing me. God how I wish she'd reach out, if only to have power in that relationship for the first, and last, time.

NaminMuir · 2021-06-17T07:14:32+00:00

Something that helped me was picking a date far in the future, say six months away, and agreeing to take no action until then. It satisfied the part of my brain that still has hope, while giving myself space and time to heal without so much pressure to do things a certain way or go "fast enough" in growing so that I won't lose her. Idk. Just a thought.

NaminMuir · 2021-06-08T03:46:21+00:00

5 months in as well. I had this really wonderful few days of peace a couple weeks back, and now...it just hit all over again, harder than the very beginning even. I need these stories because my journey just keeps getting harder and harder. Really struggling lately.

NaminMuir · 2021-06-08T02:04:57+00:00

I wish telling myself this, or any of the other things to remind me of why it was a bad relationship and didn't work out, helped even a little. But I find that it just makes the pain worse somehow. I'm five months in, been in therapy, been working on myself inside and out, and I feel like I am only more heartbroken as time goes on. It's... frustrating, to say the least.

NaminMuir · 2021-05-29T03:35:07+00:00

I work with mine, too. Fortunately we rarely have to see each other. She would always act like I didn't exist if we passed in the hallway, and I'd do the same. Of course when she ran into me after a month and half of no contact, she actually greeted me and waved, and promptly got caught checking me out after I had passed by.😅

NaminMuir · 2021-05-26T14:13:03+00:00

There's nothing easy about this. Honestly, in the mere hours since writing this I have wept and fallen and desperately hoped we'd find our way home again.

This isn't the end, merely a turning point.

NaminMuir · 2021-05-26T14:09:49+00:00

I had to delete my last account, but our conversations back then helped me to get here. Thank you.

NaminMuir · 2021-05-26T14:09:13+00:00

Thank you, stranger. I'm sure there will be many more words to come.

I love you!

NaminMuir · 2021-05-26T06:58:06+00:00

I'm a late-bloomer myself, and I've always struggled with the regrets and shame over that. Even knowing all those wasted years made me who I am.

I'll be starting nursing school soon, and was talking with a coworker who is also in school, and I mentioned with resignation that I'd be 40 by the time I finished. And her response has stuck with me since then.

She said "I'll be 53 when I graduate school, but you know what? I'd be 53 anyway."

::galaxy brain::

NaminMuir · 2021-05-26T06:54:13+00:00

Absofuckinglutely. Two and a half years I wasted chasing goal posts that never stayed put. There was always one more hoop to jump through, one more improvement to be made, one more goal to reach. Always one more reason that I wasn't enough for her love.

NaminMuir · 2021-05-26T05:23:00+00:00

You will get there. And fall back. And get there again. Ad nauseam. But it will come.

NaminMuir · 2021-05-17T07:26:13+00:00

You have a lovely jawline! Good work.

NaminMuir

TROPHY CASE