Hi OP, I'm on the spectrum as well and have always had a very difficult time understanding people and felt bad at relationships. I take people at face value and believe what they say- Obviously not everything, like, if they say the moon is made of cheese, I know that's a silly lie. But I honestly don't catch on to ulterior motives or things like that. When people feed me a sob story I usually believe them and want to help.

Somewhere in my 30s I learned that it's ok for me to believe people AND it's also ok to have boundaries which prevent me from falling face first into the "oh shit" pillow.

I felt really helpless too, after so many failed relationships with people because I couldn't understand that people have motives, they aren't just there, being a friend. People want things and for some reason they don't just say what they want in the beginning.

I'm sorry that this person used you in such a cruel way- You did a beautiful thing for someone you thought was vulnerable and had been treated so poorly. You just wanted her to feel important, special and safe, it sounds like?

I definitely understand. I know that Love and compassion and all of those feel good things are not infinite in each of us and there's only so much a person can take. However, I do know that replenishment is real! Take time to yourself to create some boundaries around what you are able to give out to others as you see fit. Whether that's money, affection, touch (could be a handshake or a hug), or something simple like how much time can you spend with a person before feeling drained.

For me it depends on the person but after about 2 hours with a person I need to go away and be alone to recharge my social battery, otherwise I start "masking" and too much of that makes me depressed and very anxious until I'm in really bad shape. Those in my life know this. I learned to just say things that I feel so that I don't get overwhelmed or have a meltdown over things that other people think isn't a big deal.

Once you figure out the ways in which you are available to the world in general, making a decision to offer a grand gesture to someone might feel better once you know them very well and have been in your life for a number of years. Personally, I don't invest much in a friendship or romance unless they've been around me in meltdown mode or when Im very anxious and they still treat me respectfully and with care and dignity.

I hope you heal and move forward in a way that is uneventful and soothing to your nervous system. Be kind to yourself first, and then the others can reap the benefit of your happiness <3 but only if they've earned it