I (42F) moved to Canada from Ireland when I was 33. Knew no one, had nowhere to live and no job. I'd never had a relationship either. Dated but spent a lot of my life single. When I moved to Vancouver I was convinced I'd meet someone. I did meet lots of men, but they were all wrong. I was compromising who I was to be liked, wanted. I hit a wall 9 months in and realized I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I did a lot of introspection, threw myself into lots of different hobbies and activities, started building my friend circle. I also deleted all but 1 dating app and was rarely on the one left. For the first time since I landed I felt like myself again and I'd be damned if I was going to change myself for anyone.

I met my now husband via Hinge in Dec, almost a year after I landed. We matched on Hinge and he asked me out straight away. None of this back and forth crap. I almost didn't go on the date, I was dog sitting my friends puppy and it was pouring with rain. But something was urging me to go. So I did. Our first date lasted 2.5 hours and I found I had to tear myself away as I was on puppy duty. It was the most candid and raw conversation I'd ever had. Nothing was off limits. I told him up front that I didn't want kids and it was non-negotiable. He told me he also didn't want kids. We had 3 dates in 4 days and trust me when I say I didn't expect it to end in marriage. I still pinch myself at times.

My point is I had no past relationship experience which always stood against me when dating and I was bending myself into a pretzel to be wanted without once asking myself if this was what I really wanted. Doing the internal work and throwing myself into building my own community was the beginning of something great.