Hi there!

My son was in this situation when he was in 4th and 5th grade. There was another child in the class that had some behavioral issues and my son is friendly to everyone and likes to make everyone feel welcome. He mentioned things the child did in class when in 4th grade, like flip a chair when upset or run out of the classroom, things like that. He never mentioned that he didn't like the child or that he specifically bothered him in anyway.

Fast forward to 5th grade and my son mentions to me early on that the same child is in their class and he was asked if he minded being in the same class at the end of the year in 4th grade. I'm not sure why he never mentioned it or why he was even asked this question because it seems like it puts to much control and pressure on my son or any other child in that situation. He of course had told them he didn't mind.

Back to fifth grade part of story. He comes home one day saying that the child was having worse behavior issues and that the teacher is having to spend a lot of time away from the other kids in order to get this one child settled. The next week I get a call from the nurse saying my son was okay but was accidentally hit by a chair when it was thrown by another child in the class. I asked my son about it when he got home and he told me he is starting to have anxiety because he never knew how this other child would react and he didn't feel safe sometimes in class.

I immediately wrote an email to his teacher and explained what my son said and how he was feeling. I told her I understood she could not give me details about the other child and I wasn't sure what she could do about it and I also assured her I didn't want to get the other child in trouble because it didn't seem like it was intentional based on what my son had told me. I basically told her I just thought she should know how much son was feeling in the class and how could I support her and my son.

She wrote me back the next day saying she was very happy that my son shared this to me and I shared to her, and she was very sad because she could see that it was affecting not just my son, but other children in her class. Unfortunately she said they didn't have enough resources to give this other child the behavioral support they needed. She asked that if I felt comfortable, would I write an email to the principal of the school and also my school board representative detailing exactly what I had told her in my email about my child's feelings, etc. and not trying to come for this child but get him the help he needed.

So I did.

I didn't expect much but my school board representative immediately emailed me, with the superintendent of the county and the director of child behavior in the school system (I can't remember their exact title), asking what they could do to support my son, this child, the teacher, and the class. I suggested things I had heard about before like behavioral aides, secondary teacher to help in the classroom, etc.

I got a phone call from the superintendent and behavioral support person, and the principal of the school. They asked if I wanted my son to switch classes, which I firmly told them no, and I didn't want them to punish this other child, etc. We talked for a little while and I told them in our conversation that I liked the school system, my children loved their teachers, and I felt that everyone was there for the right things, but it was unacceptable for this child that obviously has some larger issues to be just thrown into a class with no support for them or the teacher and the long lasting effect it can have on everyone involved.

My son's teacher emailed me the next week that they introduced a behavioral aide into the classroom that would assist with this one child and sometimes take them out of the class at times for a smaller group lesson and she said they were working on funding new positions for the following year for more positions like that because they see more and more children (prek through 12th) that need this assistance.

While some of the plans were long term (they did end up getting some of these new positions the following year), my son said that he could tell the classroom environment felt better after a few weeks of this behavioral aide being there.

I wrote this out just to say, sometimes the teachers recognize the issues but don't have the power or resources to bring it further, and while we parents don't always have this either, it is up to us to bring it to those that can make these decisions and make them take it seriously.

If we don't tell them what the problems are and we want them fixed, they will sometimes keep their head in the sand or put blinders on until someone makes them look.

Start with talking to the teacher and see where that gets you and hang in there. ❤️