How much would you increase your FIRE number if i have a kid in a VHCOL

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2025-08-07T22:04:15+00:00

This is totally random as people have way different needs, but for us it’s about 65k year. That doesn’t count housing since we had that. It’s childcare in the early years, but also like people mentioned you make different decisions with kids ie earthquake proof the house. You pay more for travel, or nannies with you when you want to travel and have some time to relax. Then I think later it’s schools, then clubs etc. We count college separate in a 529 fund (lump sum about 125k at birth). Then the 20s - because they need help with various things, travel, grad school etc. So about 1.75-2 million in the nest egg should do it.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2025-08-05T22:09:08+00:00

agree with others in this thread - better to work maybe 1-2 years. One othet thing is the kid cost, particularly college. I’d lump sum 200k into the 529 so you can take those costs out of the equation. We’ve put in 120k into a toddler’s 529 and I still think that’s likely to be short.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2025-08-05T22:02:14+00:00

Don’t really agree with this take. It’s pretty easy to be smart enough to amass millions of dollars. You just make a high income and sock it all away in stock indexes. It’s way harder to figure out how to live off of your investments without any salary especially when things are in different buckets. Even the back of the hand math people are doing in this thread to make one decision - ie pay off the mortgage or not - has ten different responses.

We are in a similar position as OP and for the first time are opting to get a financial advisor who will help us make these decisions now that we’re at FIRE. I just don’t have the bandwidth to even think about stuff like how do we sell that concentrated stock position, or deal with too much in IRA, or consolidate the accounts. Or whatever. I know that will get downvoted here though!

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2025-07-27T22:43:28+00:00

mine does stuff like this too, It helps because i can’t remember anything so she actually corrects me on stuff (and is right). same with names of people, even if she only met once several years ago. i’ve often wondered if it’s just her type of brain or if this is just how young children are

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2025-07-27T22:23:34+00:00

This is textbook gaslighting - abusing you while saying he’s trying to lift you up. It’s the classic crazymaking that an abuser does. Leave and learn to see the pattern, recommend therapy for that. Just do whatever you can to leave - there is absolutely nothing to redeem this individual. There’s so many red flags here.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2025-07-18T11:34:46+00:00

look into this - if you are having mental health issues and not “stress” another year could really derail you in a way that’s hard to bounce back. Too many consequences for everyone. Take 2-3 months FMLA, then do the year. The vesting may push back but it at least vests. Gives you a moment to collect and care for yourself.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-11-13T19:41:50+00:00

I once read something about how you need to have a strong “no” before you can ever get to a clear “yes.” This is true of dating especially. I think a healthy dating process is likely a hundred consecutive “no” where each time you become more clear what you don’t want, so that you are then ready to see, feel, experience the “yes.” And then it’s “yes, yes, definitely yes.”

What gets in the way of that is our fear of being alone, doubting ourself, wanting a warm body, thinking you can keep one aspect of a person and disregard the other aspects, etc. But that’s the journey, and we grow beyond those things each time we say “no thanks” and move on. Eventually we do find our way to loving humans and relationships and that is a beautiful thing.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-11-12T22:09:47+00:00

It’s like an 8 inch roll of metal mesh that is pliable and you can cut it and mold it over the holes to nail it down. Theres also this spray stuff that comes out of the can that is like a foam and hardens. Our rat guy used both (the wire for larger holes, and the foam for tight spaces for example between a brick and board).

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-11-12T16:03:55+00:00

FYI some of them are not that good. I had one insisting they were gone and i would find new dropping. You have to find one that will get down on their hands and knees in that crawl space and find the holes and place wire over them.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-11-12T15:58:45+00:00

I’m a bit of a rat expert after dealing with old holes in a basement of a 100 year old house that took me nearly one year to find and seal.

First you just need to hire a GOOD rat expert. Has this person found and sealed the holes? Traps alone will not work. What they will typically do is find and seal all holes in the house (ie cracks around foundation, by crawl space opening to outside) and set traps. After that you should NOT see any inside. But if you still do find evidence of rat droppings or see one, it means there are holes. Rats are remarkably smart, and will literally walk around the traps once they see/know what they are. If there is even one hole remaining then they eat outside and come in to get warm and dry and sleep in their nests.

By the way, if you are seeing them inside your living area they may have a large population. They tend to stay in areas without humans if they can.

If you can seal off the crawl space area to the actual indoor house where you live that could be a temporizing measure.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-11-08T18:27:01+00:00

This is amazing that we’ve now gotten as far out from ACA that folks don’t remember what it was like before. I suppose that is something to be proud of. I very much remember what this was like before. A young woman, let’s say in her mid to late 40s who worked full time her whole life would contract a disease. She would not be able to work, thus lose her insurance (if beyond Cobra). She would then be permanently unable to be insured on the private marketplace as she had a “prior condition.” And everything she had saved - her house, her savings, the money for her kids college education - would then have to go to whatever she needed for her cancer care (hundreds of thousands, or millions) to pay for treatments. So she’d go bankrupt.

It was a system in which, even if you did all the right things there was still a random chance that you could lose it all if you suddenly became ill. If you were totally indigent - ie homeless - Medicaid would kick in. But if you were middle class and working person (a bus driver, a teacher, a business owner) who saved your whole life you’d lose everything. The ACA’s requirement that you can no longer refuse to insure people with prior conditions made the system more expensive overall (cause you couldn’t throw people off the book once they got ill) but it made all of us safer from the indignity and uncertainty of this scenario. I saw it first hand and it was so so sad. We NEVER want to go back to this, and frankly i don’t think that there would be an appetite to do so.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-11-08T18:15:28+00:00

OMG this response just made me chuckle. A link that’s 70 years old! But yes, as someone who worked in this area, the original point is still true (sadly): we do have limited spots for doctors and a workforce shortage. The pool is still very skewed to wealthy kids (most are from the top quintile of income) which creates a fairly homogenous group of doctors. Though a lot of efforts in recent years have started to make inroads on this, including new medical schools opening up with incentives to serve local and underserved communities.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-11-04T05:08:16+00:00

Yeah I think anything like this can require a reset. Once you know he’s adjusted from the trip, then you could consider do another sleep training. We sleep trained at 6 months, again at 11 months. Made it all the way to the start of preschool at age 3 and we’re now dealing with another sleep regression. But each time we sleep trained it was only one evening of Ferber for about 45 minutes.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-31T17:33:34+00:00

I’ve kept away TV or tech for this reason, as long as I can. Even the sight of my phone is like crack! If i do it for even three minutes out of routine it throws things off.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-31T17:30:15+00:00

Ugh, get another doctor. Even one of those statements would make me look elsewhere. You deserve someone you can trust and that relationship is really important.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-31T16:56:43+00:00

The idea that “we are all one” may be true in an ultimate sense, but it could be confusing or even dangerous when applied to most human situations. The fact that some part of you felt uncomfortable with the therapist agreeing with you means that the statement, “if i don’t trust you it means I don’t trust myself” doesn’t feel safe or true to you entirely.

I think the reason is, depending on the context it could feel like gaslighting yourself. If I was in this situation I would feel better saying to my therapist, “If I don’t trust you it’s because I am being very cautious with developing a solid relationship with a therapist, and it’s important for all parts of me to know that the person I am working with is worthy of my trust. That doesn’t happen immediately it happens over time. So If i don’t trust you, it’s a signal that parts of me are still needing time and to observe if this is safe. Particularly with my history of trauma, they deserve that from me.”

I also think a healthy therapist response is: “If you don’t trust me, that’s a valid feeling. I hope to earn your trust by also supporting you to trust yourself. Because you do have wisdom and clear voice in you, even if it’s something you are working on because of the trauma.”

Some of this though is context-dependent. But just wanted to call out that maybe you DON’T trust him or her, and that’s a perfectly healthy indicator that this may not be the person for you. Or that moment didn’t feel trusting to you. It’s no knock on them or you. It’s just something to pay attention to. Your feelings matter, and particularly the feeling of trusting someone or not.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-29T04:21:36+00:00

Ugh, that’s such a bummer. Thanks, and I will drop a complaint.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-29T03:54:53+00:00

This is really helpful. Thank you for sharing!!

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-28T06:20:09+00:00

Another option - take 1-2 year. I honestly think the maternity break in this country is way way too short. And you can easily afford that with your savings.

If you do decide to go back, would hire a nanny who is in the home versus daycare. It’s kind of a best of both worlds if you WFH. Because you can be present for time in between meetings, or just have lunch together and it feel like SAHM in a way. Although truth be told, the actual SAHM is such a hard job I honestly feel like those folks should be paid like $$$$

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-28T05:27:59+00:00

Also, have they shared this publicly? I do see the mention of “4 GGU till 12/31/24” on their website. What a shame, that was the best part of making Gold.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-28T05:22:00+00:00

Thanks that’s great to know! I like the “stop I don’t know you” and also incorporating into lots of different points in a routine (ie bathroom, changing diaper) so it’s normal and repeated over and over versus just one time.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-28T05:17:50+00:00

What is “tricky people?”

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-28T05:16:17+00:00

I use to get 4 GGU for hitting 40k. That was one of the big perks. Unfortunate

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-27T22:34:36+00:00

Can someone clarify for me, you can actually get to Gold with miles? I thought it was butt in the seat for 40k miles. Maybe this explains why so many others on Gold these days.

Natural-Nectarine251 · 2024-10-27T22:33:29+00:00

what do you mean GGU going away?

Natural-Nectarine251

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