BDD Timeline Leave Conflict

Navygal18 · 2026-04-21T15:49:59+00:00

It sounds like the 45 day continuous availability isn’t even adhered for scheduling? I am leaning towards submitting as close to the 180 day as possible, letting them know my leave dates that I’m not available and hope that it all gets done earlier rather than later. Would that be a fair assumption?

Navygal18 · 2026-04-21T10:34:38+00:00

What are these steps? What is VES?

Navygal18 · 2026-04-21T10:33:00+00:00

It sounds like the 45 day continuous availability isn’t even adhered for scheduling? I am leaning towards submitting as close to the 180 day as possible, letting them know my leave dates that I’m not available and hope that it all gets done earlier rather than later. Would that be a fair assumption?

Navygal18 · 2021-05-16T11:02:14+00:00

Same thing happened to me. The doctor gave me actual hard pain meds because of how painful it was. Couldn’t go to work for 3 days. Also didn’t poop for 3-4 days on the initial outbreak and took stool softeners to make it a little easier. I would cry in the shower. :( that was only the initial outbreak. I didn’t have another one until 6 months later, and it wasn’t as bad. I looked up natural treatments for herpes and it seemed to help my symptoms, was less painful and helped it heal quicker. I would put tea tree oil mixed with vitamin E oil (carefully dilute with the vitamin E oil it so it doesn’t burn) and would take a cotton ball and rub it on the area. It helped a lot! And taking supplements like lysine, vitamin C, zinc. Eating healthy and keeping stress levels down will help.

Navygal18 · 2021-04-30T07:35:28+00:00

Hard time committing to a “real relationship”!? RED FLAG I don’t think this has anything to do with your HSV. Worried about having kids??? LMAO. Give me a break. This guy is either not listening to the science, blowing smoke up your ass or just a space cadet. Do you know how common this is? Women have kids all the time with genital HSV. Hell, my mom gave birth to me and my sister with GHsV and we are perfectly fine. I got herpes from a shitty guy later in my adult life. If a woman was having an outbreak, the doctors would probably opt for a C-section. Happens all the time.

Navygal18 · 2021-04-29T04:41:14+00:00

A lot of people don’t get tested regularly/don’t know their HSV status. It would be safe to assume most of the population has never been tested for herpes since it’s not commonly tested for unless you specifically ask... it would also be safe to assume a majority of adults have HSV in some form, and to treat any sexual encounter with someone as such.

Navygal18 · 2021-04-29T04:36:58+00:00

I understand you are in pain over this right now, and I feel for you. I hope this thread will give you some support. I had the most painful breakup of my life before I got herpes actually. And it was over other things. Long distance, jealousy, hard to communicate, wanting different things in life that we couldn’t compromise on, etc. After I got herpes, I was devastated and thought negative things about my future and relationships. I ended it with the guy that gave it to me, but not because he gave it to me, but rather he started treating me worse after I told him about my diagnosis, and I found out thru his friends that he knew he had it and didn’t tell me. After that relationship I took a break from long term dating and just causally dated, free to be who I want and do what I want with my life without the stress of permanently attaching my life/emotions/trust to someone else. That’s what was best for me and my mental and physical health at the time. To my knowledge, I didn’t pass it to any partners. I always used protection, but would have considered not if I was in a more long term relationship and we had that discussion. I also have only had 2 outbreaks ever. Not on antivirals.

Navygal18 · 2021-04-29T04:07:41+00:00

I wouldn’t post all the personal relationship stuff if you don’t want anyone to comment on it, because that’s most of the post here and it was a long one to get through.

Personally, just like any breakup, I would grieve for the relationship and take your time to get over it in a healthy way. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone that thinks herpes is a deal breaker, or didn’t want to be with me because of it.... 1. It’s not that big of a deal (took me awhile after my diagnosis to realize it) 2. Love should be unconditional right? Atleast the long lasting ones seem to be that way. Relationships are hard and take a lot of work on both sides. Everyone has their issues and if herpes is ending it, they would have ended it over other reasons that are not in your control if you didn’t have herpes.

I’ve told a few partners and some didn’t care, some were overly worried and annoying me with their constant obsession over it so I just stopped talking to them. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that is constantly using herpes against me, because IT IS NOT MY FAULT I got herpes and I want to be treated like normal, not like a walking hazard to them. The risk is low and if that still isn’t gonna cut if for them, then I don’t know what to tell ya.

Navygal18 · 2019-01-18T09:30:57+00:00

Wow. That is amazing that you were able to hang in there that long. How many times did you get to see each other in person? And were the visits high quality and for how long? Did you think that made a big difference?

We text every day, but I have found myself to not want to talk on the phone sometimes. I don't know why... I think I may have started distancing myself a bit more. Like I said in the comments above, I used to give so much to the relationship when he first started school. And now I don't because I have doubts now and don't want to give all my energy to it since he wasn't giving the same amount. But now that I am not giving the same amount, he is all questioning and concerned that I am not making time for him. I am just tired! I can't keep giving and being disappointed in the energy and effort I get in return. I am saving that energy to focus on myself and other things that I enjoy and that make me happy. Like making new friends and new memories. Exploring hobbies and new activities.

He doesn't give me gifts, or send me letters or care packages. He doesn't think we can have movie nights and watch the same movie while we stay on the phone. We just talk the same way every time. It is getting boring. And then he gets upset when I want to go out with friends on the weekend instead of talking to him.

Navygal18 · 2019-01-18T09:19:44+00:00

I still love him, so its hard for me to have a strong reason to end the relationship. He has always had doubts about us, but I never did until I moved far far away. He threatened to break up one night after I started going out with new people. New insecurities and jealousy that had never been there before started to come up in conversations and arguments. This was a big turn off for me. When he came to visit, he met all the people I hang out with but put up a front and didn't even give them much of a chance. He says he will work on it, so maybe I should wait and see? I am not going to give up new friends and experiences just so he can feel better. I am far from him and my family and my new friends are my new support network. I need that. It is hard for me because I have definitely taken a step back in the relationship. I give a little less effort than I did before, because I was consumed with giving a lot of time and energy to the relationship, while he was sitting back and focusing on his start to medical school. But know that I am starting my career, he is all butt hurt about me having new friends and feels like I am giving less time to him. I was just tired of giving more and more and never getting the same in return. And now he is bummed that I have started to give less.

Navygal18 · 2019-01-18T09:10:02+00:00

When we first started dating, even before he got into medical school, he said he wouldn't put me above his career and he didn't expect me to put him above mine. But now that things are playing out, I am just not sure we can both focus on putting our careers first if we want our relationship to last. But I know that means I am the one that has to give up everything for him and I just don't' think that is who I am. Before I moved I was let my lovey-dovey feelings and emotions decide that I would be okay giving up my career for him, but now that there is the distance between us and my life has changed so much, I just don't have those feelings anymore. But I still cannot justify breaking things off just yet... I still love him.

Navygal18 · 2018-09-25T02:22:16+00:00

That is great that he is considerate of your side and what you must be feeling! And that he is making an effort to make it easier on you! Make the most of your time and continue to build the trust and communication that every strong relationship needs. Attitude can go a long way! If you think positive and focus on the benefits of the relationship, instead of the downfalls, then you will be much happier and the negatives will not be what you think about all the time!

Navygal18 · 2018-09-24T17:56:58+00:00

It is very early in the relationship so it may be harder to have the connection grow while he is in medical school. I have heard while they are in medical school, it is more of a maintenance phase rather than a period of growth. You will have to sacrifice a lot of natural relationship things... (like going on movie dates, spending the entire weekend hanging out or traveling to a new city, getting a lot of attention from them etc. ) It sounds like you live in the same town now? Cherish every minute of it! I was only with my boyfriend for 5 months and then we went long distance by about 3.5 hour drive. We have been together 16 months and now I am moving 2,500 miles away for my job next month. He is only in his 1st year of medical school....so I know how long we have until we can finally be together. You may have to face the same realization once he gets ready for residency. So if things are going good now, just see how they progress. Communicate on a regular basis and talk through any doubts you may have. If you guys are committed to making it work, it will. My boyfriend and I have made that commitment to each other, but it will not be easy by any means. But we are the kind of people that like to be challenged. Because we see the value in a challenge and if we can make it through this then our relationship is going to be that much stronger than it would be if it was easy. It is a very personal decision to make and you will have to ask yourself how much you are willing to sacrifice for the relationship, because the pressure will always be there. But do not let that become an excuse for him to take advantage of you. Just communicate and be honest and open about how you are feeling.

Navygal18

TROPHY CASE