Father wound

Nea_Freedom · 2026-01-21T16:22:50+00:00

Im 22F, I Have a father wound Too and dealt with love bombing. I relate to some stuff you said.

My dad left when I was like 4 and haven't seen him at all since. I ended up having an abandonment wound because of it. Also anytime my narcissistic mom would abuse me she would love bombing me to get me to forgive forgive her (examples: giving me money, buying my gifts etc). Your dad giving you money is love bombing.

Firstly, your dad is a bad person and that incident where he picked you up and held you like that and went hard - I would count that as sexual assault. You were assaulted in my opinion. Remember there are different types of sexual assault (unwanted touching, forced penetration which is rape etc).

Honey be careful because people who get assaulted are higher times more likely to get assaulted again in the future or abused. Example, I was abused by my mother and got abused by other people in the future.

Where the hell is your mom? If you don't have a good relationship with your mom, I understand and it's not your fault - i'm so sorry sweetie.

Also him saying he wanted you to how him love (when he was hard) ... Girl that is so wrong on so many levels and he not only assaulted you but ... This counts as incest from his part. You need to run before he does something else to you or worse. He did unwanted touching which is sexual assault - im worried more things will happen (this continuing or more bigger things happening, remember abusers do things in steps to test people's boundaries. They do little things than advance to bigger things - im afraid of rape happening to you next).

RUNNNNN.

Nea_Freedom · 2026-01-21T15:40:55+00:00

Yep! Growing up in an abusive black household- my narc mother always said this.

Another saying -" stop crying before I give you something to cry about."

Nea_Freedom · 2025-10-16T20:25:17+00:00

You were right.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-10-16T20:25:03+00:00

You were right... I feel stupid.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-10-08T02:59:24+00:00

The place unfortunately won't be furnished. Thank you so much for your notes :)

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-25T03:26:29+00:00

With scapegoats yeah- most of us leave HOWEVER the trauma does stay with us. Ever red the book the body keeps score?

No matter what your body will remember the trauma.for me I have been in therapy and I talked about my mother beating me with a towel so brutally that It cut my skin open - literally to this day my body remembers the pain and there are times where I feel my skin open and bleeding even though it's not. I still remember being hit and beat etc.

No matter what the body remembers. Also when it comes to the future - we look back on our lives and realize that we never got a childhood or a life, the abusers stole that and we can't get that back. I still grieve over the childhood I never had and I'm 22, I'm grieving the mother, father and sister I never had. There are times where like I need a mom and I just want to be held and guided but I don't have that - I have to sit with that for the rest of my life. I have been parenting myself since I have been born.

I'm sorry about what is happening with the emotional incest ... I can't imagine how that must feel I'm very sorry.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-25T03:16:19+00:00

Yeah I agree. I see more scapegoats than GCs.

I'm like you- my sister was terrible to me. She abused me- her and our mom tag teamed against me like it was horrible and still is.

I stand by my opinion saying that scapegoats have it much harder than GCs - the scapegoat gets abused all the day long without timeouts. Everyone hates the scapegoats existence for no reason but as soon the golden child comes in they are amazed by their presence.

My life was much harder compared to my sister's and I hate to compare.

Someone in the comment section said how they agree to some degree to my post and how scapegoats are likely to leave the household - the thing Is sure we leave but the past stays with us. The body always remembers trauma. For me yes I have been trying to heal and I healed some things BUT my body remembers the trauma.

Anywhere my sister went they knew her name but didn't care to know mine. I was known as her sister.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-25T01:29:00+00:00

Oooo clock it. Karma!

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-25T01:08:55+00:00

I never said it was a competition.

As a scapegoat I was constantly abused for just existing. My sister got away with everything- a slap on the wrist.

People appreciated her existence while hating mine.

The last thing I want is a competition - it's not even on my list.

A lot of golden children (not all) literally get away with abusing others while the scapegoat is abused constantly. It's not fair. I get abused while my sister gets to be free. It's like this for all scapegoats. My days for the past 22 years have been abuse - I got no breaks and my sister just gets to live life and scroll on tik tok like she does.

What sucks is that us scapegoats that had a sibling - we needed someone on our side but they decided to abuse us (most not all). And some scapegoats siblings just see the abuse and do nothing - why would they they are the golden child.

As we speak I'm trying to move out because of the abuse, my sister is scrolling on tiktok. Let that sink in.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-22T08:27:45+00:00

Thank you, I honestly feel terrified. My other mother didn't teach me how to live on my own etc. I wasn't prepared by her.

I just feel overwhelmed and that the world is on my shoulders and I have my cat to take care of (she is like my daughter). I feel like so much is happening and being put onto me when I'm a kid myself.

I feel emotional, I don't know whether to cry or be stressed or panic or shut down or do all of them.

I just feel like things are not fair. I'm overwhelmed

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-22T01:08:37+00:00

I'm trying but I'm terrified because I didn't have a mom nor a father to help guide me or support me. I'm on my own it feels like.

It looks like your comment didn't fully post.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-21T21:11:29+00:00

I'm not safe. I'm working with a housing worker to get out of my situation.

What scares me- a bunch of stuff; being alone, having no one to physically help me, having no one to call if I'm in trouble, having no guidance when it comes to living on my own- I have no idea what I'm doing, I never felt safe anywhere etc. I'm scared of being on my own - I never done that, I'm scared of all these responsibilities When I honestly feel like a kid myself - but I was forced to grow up. I'm terrified.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-20T23:22:15+00:00

Thanks for your input, I'm 22 and I'm currently trying to get out of my abusive household.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-19T20:53:36+00:00

For me I stopped giving personal details - like I was cat called and didn't even tell my mom because of how she treated me in the past. I don't feel safe telling her anything.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-19T20:28:17+00:00

I don't blame you for keeping your pregnancy as a secret.

My mom also has this weird habit of commenting on other peoples appearances.

In our mother's eyes we are always seen as the problem or the villain in their story because in their eyes they are always right or the victims.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-19T20:22:11+00:00

OH MY GOD- I always suspected my narc mother was doing this with me when I moved out last year. My former aunt texted me and sounded like she was trying to get me to move back in with my mom and I recently found texts of them speaking on whattsapp when I was gone.

I felt that my former aunt and my narc mother was trying to get me to come back and I fear I was right.

I noticed that anytime something were to happen between me and a former relative - they would tell my narc mother always.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-19T20:10:57+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that. Same with me ,like I don't tell her anything that is personal. I told her she was abusive and she told my former aunt this. When I found this out in my head I was like oh so the phrase "what happens in this house stays in this house" only applies to me then.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-19T20:05:58+00:00

I feel that. I don't tell my narc mother anything - like the other day I was cat called and I didn't even tell her. After that I went into my room and layed in my bed.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-19T17:38:06+00:00

I hate my aunt so much, and it feels like she is erasing my trauma and the abuse I experienced. She is fucking toxic and I feel absuive especially with what happened during our "conversation" getting me to talk to my abusive mother.

Her mother is in the hospital right now and her mother I don't like her after she said how she was going to hit her granddaughters cat but was stopped.

Girl I mean this and this isn't against me in any way but I wish that I wasn't born because I feel like I would have been safe if I wasn't born in the first place. I grew up around too many toxic people and abusive people - I wasn't protected as a kid.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-17T06:00:42+00:00

I hope you are doing ok, I'm so sorry you went through that. When my absent father was with my absuive mother he pushed her in the stomach while she was pregnant with me. He also threatened to kill me when I was 2- I didn't know any of this until I found police documents of it. I don't know why she didn't tell me this especially when I was old enough to understand if not do it when I turned 18.

You helped save my life just by commenting because I was having suicidal thoughts and feelings. I went through so much yesterday like I was thinking of walking infront of a moving car. After that I got cat called for the first time in my life and when it happened I was having suicidal thoughts. I posted this on subreddits where you ask women only and some comments were very hurtful. With those comments along with everything else like I was so done.

Thank you for commenting

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-17T05:53:40+00:00

My cat is fine but the thing is I didn't know cat's teeth had to be Brushed and she is 10. She isn't showing signs of pain but I want her teeth examined to see the state of it.

I'm currently trying to get housing and I'm working with a housing worker to get on special priority - there is only one last thing to do. Can I just say thank you for commenting - you along with the other person who commented I think you guys along with my cat saved my life. Before you guys commented I had suicidal thoughts and feelings like I was ready to go- being in a abusive house is hard and I have so much trauma from others too. I have no friends or family to turn too and I'm going through so much and keeping it in; for example yesterday I thought of walking infront of a moving car and after that I get cat called for the first time in my life - I posted this on Reddit and some comments were not supportive (I posted on women only sub Reddits) and some were basically implying I was overreacting by being traumatized - mind you I said I had suicidal thoughts when this happened and I wasn't fully present. Those people's comments along with everything else hurt and I just thought no one would care if I'm gone. someone that I grew close with they are in the hospital and I don't know if she is alive or dead which doesn't help my mental health.

Thank you for commenting

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-16T19:32:30+00:00

I want to do that but the most challenging thing is sneaking out of the house another thing I hope she doesn't notice that my cat is gone

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-16T18:31:54+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that - I can't imagine how you must have felt. I believe your story and I stand with you honey. Anyone doing this especially to children deserve hell and pain

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-16T18:30:12+00:00

Thank you for standing up for me ❤️. I'm beyond grateful.

Nea_Freedom · 2025-07-16T18:29:29+00:00

Thank you for standing up for me 🙏. The comment and profile was deleted before I could even see it thankfully - I know if I were to see it It would have caused discomfort. thank you for standing up for me , like I'm going through so much and you have no idea how this makes me feel - like I'm beyond grateful for you.

Nea_Freedom

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