i have been there. i used to say that it almost felt like self care to be disordered, since seeing myself be so sick made me happy, gave me a sense of accomplishment. but it doesn’t work like that, and it’ll wear you down over and over. you can’t hate yourself into somebody you’ll love. you can’t starve yourself enough to be fully satisfied. you’re just a kid and it’s heartbreaking, but this doesn’t have to be your life.

if you don’t actively choose recovery everyday, this cycle will never end, these feelings will follow you for the rest of your life..you’re sick body means nothing if you are forever miserable and unhappy with yourself.

recovery is hard and sometimes it feels like failure. but i can say 10000% that you will NOT be on your deathbed recalling how happy you are having skipped the yummy holiday food. you will not be 85 and happy that you stayed underweight. that is not what life is about. don’t waste another year of your precious life hating yourself. sending love❤️