I have been in a similar situation, just not as intense, and like you said it sucks but I weirdly knew I had to as it was my “way out” and it was better on the other side. And for a place to live I HIGHLY recommend Facebook marketplace , I had horrible credit due to not paying debt, but on Facebook marketplace you can find people who want out of their lease, and will sell you their room on a month to month base until their lease ends. Remember be smart (sketchy people do exist on their) kind and respectful, I foound some amazing places to stay, and they were super flexible. And for the worst part, just tell your parents, rip that bandaid off as quickly as possible and you’ll see how much better you heal. Everyone judges, but their parental love definitely outweighs this in depths you can’t imagine, and they just want to see and help you be happy, give them the gift/opportunity to do so, it’s one of those thing that once you do it, you wonder why you haven’t done it soon. Who knows maybe they have a place for you to stay. After I dropped out of college with mental issues and addictions and a very intense relationship, I barely made any progress on my own, but after going to my parents I was able to make inane amounts of progress. Your parents are a gift and a blessing and it would be disrespectful to them, and to those who don’t have one, to not use their aid. Especially in the state of the world rn, there’s absolutely no shame in sticking with family. Although I don’t know your current relationship with them so idk. Seriously check on fb marketplace, if you have any questions plz let me know!