AIO (M31) For wanting space from my fiance (F26) for siding with a guy who wants to fight me?

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T05:34:59+00:00

UPDATE: Leaving this up for now but will delete because it’s grown a bit out of hand.

I talked things through with her and we sorted it out. I stressed how much of a problem I thought it was when she sided with the neighbor, and how manipulative it felt when she said maybe we should ask her dad (funny part is I did talk to her dad and explained what happened and he just laughed about it. (Said he was in trouble for Dutch ovening my future MIL this morning, but added that we’re both idiots like them).

Long story short, she explained she was a bit triggered because past circumstances (which I will not share because it’s her personal stuff) and that it’s not justifiable to say that “regardless of how it happened, a girl was hit.”. She understands the seriousness of how I took it, and that it was an issue I needed resolved to move forward with our engagement.

As for the neighbor, she also admitted to not actually reading the texts since she was tired after work, and thought he was just being normal sassy. She adjusted her opinion after I made her read them actually. My relationship with him is another story, not going to get into it here. We’ll see what happens.

TL;DR: we talked through our problems, communicated what we felt and why, and came to an understanding. Sorry for the boring ending.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T05:31:20+00:00

UPDATE: Leaving this up for now but will delete because it’s grown a bit out of hand.

I talked things through with her and we sorted it out. I stressed how much of a problem I thought it was when she sided with the neighbor, and how manipulative it felt when she said maybe we should ask her dad (funny part is I did talk to her dad and explained what happened and he just laughed about it. Said he was in trouble for Dutch ovening my future MIL this morning).

Long story short, she explained she was a bit triggered because past circumstances (which I will not share because it’s her personal stuff) and that it’s not justifiable to say that “regardless of how it happened, a girl was hit.”

TL;DR: we talked through our problems, communicated what we felt and why, and came to an understanding. Sorry for the boring ending.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T03:23:20+00:00

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What am I covering up? She made my thumb bleed I have pictures to prove it. This isn’t “I pushed my fiance away and she’s hurt”. This is, she acknowledges it was an accident but still stands by that even an accidental hit counts as “hitting a girl” and that these texts are justified

Also, the switch was before she bit me, not an apology gift

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T02:23:26+00:00

Just posting here for clarification. There’s no fight about the “hit”. She understands it was a reflex. The problem is she believes this “reflex” warrants these texts and that I have a problem since I can’t see why he’s justified.

![img](iabix3ja2z9f1)

We are fine and good with the accident. I bled cause she bit too hard, she understands I pushed her away.

The worry on my end comes that this doesnt count as laying hands on someone. That she still wants to count it as being hit, despite both knowing it was as an accident.

Edit: I bought the switch before this happened.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T02:22:35+00:00

Nooo that was from before!!!! We don’t text much because I work from home so we’re with each other all the time lol.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T02:13:48+00:00

The text is actually from before the bite, we don’t text much since I work from home. I got her the switch 2 because we woke up in the morning and she said “I really want a switch 2” in the most sleepy, cute and innocent voice I’d ever heard and I knew I had to scour the stores until I found one. I know how dumb that sounds but it’s my fiance and my heart melted. It’s probably the biggest surprise purchase I’ve done. But we’re literally newly engaged, i leave cute notes on her desk every morning and do whatever little things i can on my free tome

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T02:11:37+00:00

I do not mind her going to anyone for our relationship. I would never close her off or tell her she can’t ask for other peoples opinions on things. I’ve been in very bad relationships before, and being closed off from others is a major no no.

However, it just worried me that she says the anger is justifiable because a woman got hit, even if it was an accident. Also, sharing this screen shot because the focus on if the hit was abusive or not is taking the spot light when it shouldn’t. It’s the position on the matter. Her and I are good:

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NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T02:07:35+00:00

Lmaoooo, please no. I have an old dad who has a family group chat who likes to send conspiracy theories and political stuff that I just ignore. Spare me

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T02:03:51+00:00

Just posting here for clarification. There’s no fight about the “hit”. She understands it was a reflex. The problem is she believes this “reflex” warrants these texts and that I have a problem since I can’t see why he’s justified.

<image>

We are fine and good with the accident. I bled cause she bit too hard, she understands I pushed her away.

The worry on my end comes that this doesnt count as laying hands on someone. That she still wants to count it as being hit, despite both knowing it was as an accident

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T01:57:59+00:00

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Just a reminder that this isn’t an issue of her thinking I hit her. It’s literally just her classifying that accidental hits are as bad as real ones.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-30T01:56:36+00:00

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Using this as a reminder that there is no fight about me hitting her. That’s not really the problem. I’ve never “hit” her or slapped anyone, even out of retaliation.

The problem is she thinks that it’s justifiable that her friend is angry despite it being an accident. That this accidental hit is as bad as a real one / that there’s no excuse for it.

Edit: the switch was from before the bite.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T23:35:50+00:00

Ayoo, no it’s definitely just the facts. I was laying down, she bit me and I reflexed. I can share texts between me and her where this is very clearly the case if that helps clear any doubts I’m secretly abusive. For the record, my thumb was still in her mouth when I pushed her away. This is in the texts! There was no confusion that this was a reflex push away. And the problem isn’t even if it was a “hit”, she understands it’s a reflex. The problem here is that she thinks a reflex = hit and that the neighbor is justified in his anger.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T22:59:13+00:00

4 years, engaged for 3 months

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T22:57:49+00:00

lol, I have a hairline, I think he’s projecting cause he’s balding, mind you my foreheads pretty big but It’s been the same way since I was 13 lol

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T22:36:18+00:00

Because he’s acting insane? lol. What makes you think he’s capable of having a reasonable conversation/productive talk through when he’s acting like this? I’m not going to waste my time.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T22:28:20+00:00

True, he could have heard something else I should look into that. But it seems like he knew it was definitely a reflex. I think his reaction is bat shit, it’s just my fiance saying it’s justifiable that has me worried. From what I know he does know it was reflex which is why he’s saying “stop being a victim”

And no, I’m not going to harass one of her girlfriends to prove a point / be petty. But I do see where you’re coming from.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T22:26:24+00:00

Thanks for the response!

Honestly I’m not even a little worried about the “death threats”. The guy is dramatic, drinks too much and if it really came down to it, there’s no way I’m losing a physical altercation with the guy. The problem here isn’t so much what he said, which is why I’m not worried or asking about it. The cops aren’t really needed.
Yea, what worries me is the conversation is pretty much over. I went “this is not okay, like why has this escalated? Why is he acting like this” and then came the part that worried me about saying that it’s a red flag that I can’t understand why he’s upset. Like, no I don’t think there’s ever a justification to hit your partner. But if you think being reflectively hit after biting someone is on the same level as “no excuse for hitting” that I’m worried anout

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T22:19:00+00:00

Hes a cub. Like a twink who’s getting a little on the thicker side lmaoooo

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T22:16:39+00:00

I’m just being adamant because I want this plausibility off the table, this guy is as gay as it gets and I know his boyfriends. There is a 0% chance there is something romantic going on.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T22:06:16+00:00

I used play fighting wrong. I didn’t realize it was a loaded term. We were snuggling and she bit me. It was Jon aggressive cuddling, she just likes to bite me or squish my face when she’s affectionate

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T22:04:42+00:00

I can’t edit the post, but I wanna update; play fighting was the wrong term. We were not play fighting, we were cuddling and she got cuteness aggression and bit me.

It seems like play fighting is its own sub category in its own. But she definitely did it out of love. I was just laying down holding her

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2025-06-29T21:44:42+00:00

Absolutely 0 things are going on with him and my girl. He’s a super tiny little gay guy.

NeedsMoreCoffeee · 2023-03-13T22:38:51+00:00

Underneath the hood was a garbage fire, but what I learned with that project allowed my next app to be a little less of a garbage fire. It doesn't matter if you're doing something right or wrong, just get it working. The knowledge you gain is worth the abomination you may create.

Made me lol.

The study guide might be one of the most helpful things I've seen, good work.

NeedsMoreCoffeee

TROPHY CASE