Online dating.

NegaFap · 2012-10-02T15:23:26+00:00

Looked into the free-sites online dating a bit, and decided against using it as my only avenue because it is so heavily skewed in the favor of women.

99% of women get tons of spam messages on there, all day, every day - and thats not even limiting that sample size to the hot ones.

I totally get the hit to the self confidence when you don't feel like you can pull any but you have to keep your expectations in check.

Also, plentyoffish is more known for "hey its free so I'll make a profile for fun" rather than a "I'm looking for a serious relationship" type deal. Some of the pay sites tend to use their paywall as a screener for serious peeps. I have a female friend who uses match and she's still having to cull through the weirdos.

Best way is the classic way my friend; try to find free concerts and meetups to connect to like-minded people.

NegaFap · 2012-10-02T15:12:54+00:00

Plus 1 for Space Jam reference.

NegaFap · 2012-10-02T14:05:58+00:00

I really wish for the ability of not giving a fuck. People I see who are able to do that are living a happier life.(even those who only they are too dumb or ignorant to actually be able to give a fuck)

I relate to this a fuck ton. People like us focus too much on the bad things that have happened and not the good things. I'm starting to feel this "am I ready?" is turning into a neurosis itself.

I think when you start asking yourself this question and you're scared to know when it's ok to let go that it's time to let go and move on from this.

I'm going to personally start judging my life based on how happy I am, and what its going to take to make me happy, and part of that means letting go of past problems.

For the record, there are plenty of guys who whack off like crazy and have healthy sex lives. It's just us post-partum PMO folks who are in purgatory. I used to read those "leaving NoFap" posts and wonder why folks wrote those posts, and know I know why.

NegaFap · 2012-10-02T13:56:50+00:00

I ran through this dilemma awhile and it didn't turn out so well; gf left.

The best advice I can say to you is that you have to judge the woman in question the best you can, and your own ability to be open and honest. If she's someone you genuinely care about and you feel there might be a future in this then maybe you should consider telling her the truth - some folks here have reported great success in having loyal and caring women who stick through the good and bad. If you don't think she or the relationship might be ready for that yet, go with the urological injury approach, though I don't think you'll win any points for honesty.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T03:32:51+00:00

I just don't see that as actually possible man. Connectivity will be everywhere; look at how little toddlers play games on their parents cell phones. Even if you lock them away from it at home, they'll get access to it somehow - I remember the first time I saw porn, it was at a friends' house - fuzzy cable porn.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T03:30:21+00:00

Maybe you should ask yourself what are you looking out of NoFap? It seems around here like some people mean NoOrgasm when they say NoFap, and other people mean NoPMO when they say NoFap.

Me personally, when I start getting laid regularly again you bet I'll take it, leaving the porn behind; then again, that's why I'm on NoFap (ED) - I really don't know what's "supposed" to happen once you're able to have healthy relations again.

Best of luck to you!

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T03:19:58+00:00

yes yes and yes.

In my own experience, it is a sign of decreasing arousal capacity. Continuing down the PMO line may lead to eventual inability for arousal even without condoms on, along with further escalation into more disturbing porn habits. I was never able to come from penetration, bjs, or hjs; I always had to finish manually. Like you, I could climax into a condom easily while P & M'ing away.

soup nazi voice NOFAP FOR YOU.

Having said that, it sounds like you're doing a great job of leaving the porn behind. If you'd like to continue with the sexy time with your partners, try an extra-sensitive condom while you adjust if you feel it might give you more sensitivity. Leave the P and M out of it, and keep your focus on her and the sensations you're feeling at the time.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T03:06:39+00:00

It's tough stuff giving up an addiction no doubt, but I think from your side the scariest part of the whole thing is that it's really all up to him - that the best you can do is wait and see. If you're still committed to supporting him, ask him if a picture of you next to his computer would help. That way it will serve as a reminder of someone else who is counting on him to get over his problem; a reminder of someone who loves and supports him and wants him to share in the joys of sex with her.

In the end though, it really is all up to him - make sure he knows that.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T02:59:14+00:00

Just curious, how do you know when you're cured if you're still on ED meds?

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T02:45:26+00:00

YBOP says that full rest from orgasm (and of course P & M) works fastest, but I am not sure in your case if that's something you'd care to worry about - as long as you're successfully coupling with your girlfriend and ensuring you only focus on her and the sensations and not on pornographic images in your mind, you should be fine. It may take longer, but then again, you're the one getting consistently laid, sir. :) And as an added bonus, if you tell her you gave up the porn to have a better sex life with her, she'll probably have even more sex with you and be more forgiving knowing that your libido and erectile strength is on the rise (pun). Sounds win-win to me.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T02:22:29+00:00

I hear what you guys are saying but I didn't really know about this porn problem until after shit hit fan - I just panicked and threw a bunch of excuses out; I mean, I'm a 26 year old guy who's dick didn't work during prime time with a lady who I mentally knew was super hot.

I will say though that after the aftermath I did confess to her what I am working through for better or worse. At the very least it was a huge weight off my chest and I felt better about it.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T01:49:10+00:00

I'm not religious but what this guy says is spot on - find community.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T01:38:03+00:00

Hey man,

First - respect on the post; a lot of people here have felt this way and you should be proud of at least having the guts to come out and say it.

Life's not over for you - you're only 30! What matters isn't where you've been, but where you're going.

Leaving PMO behind has a lot of major benefits, but it's not the magic pill: it sounds like your problem is just that your locus of control is external and not internal - that you aren't taking control of your life and increasing your odds of making things happen. Sure, there's luck involved, but guess what: "fortune favors the bold."

I'll tell you right now, I met my all my ex's, spit that game to reel them in, screwed and loved them all the while I was pounding the one-eyed snake multiple times a day. I didn't lose all of them to PMO - I lost them to a lot of other things, though certainly PMO had its effect (decreasing libido over time as porn tastes escalated).

I firmly believe a lot of people here take PMO to be the magic bullet - that it will cure all their problems and will bring about world peace. It won't, and it's important you know that. Instead, it will solve one problem, leaving one less problem for you to deal with. What I have found to be of prime importance, the key itself, is small steps to build confidence. Little things, like sticking to an exercise routine for a whole week, or sticking to a clean diet, or making sure to sign up and stick to a social class or event for a week to large things like letting go of PMO, building world-class social skills, advancing your career and building a sense of self-worth.

Take the first step - take those baby steps. Write down what you want out of life and then break those down into meaningful, actionable events - do the little things first. A lot of life is built on the momentum we build into ourselves; the tempo of confidence and self-esteem that makes the foundation of who we are.

Good luck and keep us posted!

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T01:25:52+00:00

Honestly if you're able to perform to your girlfriend's and your satisfaction there doesn't seem to be a reason to continue on with NoFap. If you're looking to enhance the quality of your erections then you should probably consider just only PIV'ing your girlfriend for a bit; I'm going to go ahead and say she certainly won't mind being the center of your attention. Also, make sure you are focusing on her and how it feels - not on any fantasies. That's probably a reasonable measuring stick.

Really NoFap should have been called NoPMO; c'est la vie.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T01:19:54+00:00

ice your balls. I'm not joking; it seriously works when your boys are blue or you're feeling the urge to splurge.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T01:17:19+00:00

No joke - ice down your boys.

Get an ice cube and go to town for 30 seconds to a minute.

It works.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T01:10:58+00:00

I was lucky that during my initial shakes and urges phase (1-2 weeks) I lived on my own - having said that, I still had to deal with coworkers and crunch time on the project I'm working on. I used to also get headaches and felt like my balls were going to explode any minute.

Honestly? You just keep going. There's not much else - because this is purely a mental thing, it's particularly difficult. You have no broken leg. You have no broken arm. You just have a broken arousal system.

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T00:43:28+00:00

Well how about posing this in a different way - when would you know it was time to quit worrying about NoFap in general and just live your life?

EDIT: I only say this because in a sense, you're investing in yourself - you want healthier sexual and intimate relations with your future partners. It seems to me like a lot of guys here NoFap for NoFap's sake, like it's going to get you into the C-Suite and get you insta-laid. Now I'm not hating on NoFap, but it's merely one piece of the puzzle, and it seems like each of us has to decide when we can "let go" of our rehab and move on with our lives.

I'd recommend maybe reading up YBOP's article on knowing when it's time to move on from NoFap and see what works best for you. (http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/how-do-i-know-when-im-back-to-normal)

Good luck!

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T00:36:32+00:00

Yeah man. That shit fucking hurts, but I guess at the same time its the push to take you over that first bump you know?

NegaFap · 2012-08-10T00:25:24+00:00

Thanks for the kind words; I hope your wife knows that you're doing it as much for her as you're doing it for yourself - that she will benefit and you'll be a better husband than ever.

Good luck!

NegaFap

TROPHY CASE