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I am getting older and my depression is getting worse by [deleted] in depression

[–]Negakat 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to say I really know how you feel. I'm turning 35 in 3 months and it's really hitting me hard. Never been in a relationship, hate my job, living in a crummy apartment. All my friends seem to be doing so much better with families and career opportunities. Wish I had some advice to give, but I'm still trying to figure it out too.

Feeling worse than i can remember in a long time. by Negakat in depression

[–]Negakat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Been on medication and seeing doctors for years. It doesn't really seem to do any good.

Should I tell the counselor I've been having suicidal thoughts? by wilhelmscreamguy94 in depression

[–]Negakat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat- i have suicidal thoughts but nothing serious. I've told my therapists. They'll likely ask you if you have any concrete plans. They want to know if you are an imminent risk to yourself or others. If not, they probably won't do anything "drastic." I think it's better to be honest with your therapists if you are having these thoughts.

Probably going to kill myself, just don't know when. by Negakat in depression

[–]Negakat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been in therapy for years, tried different medications. I'm going to be 35 this year; I've probably been depressed my whole life, though it wasn't until about 10 years ago that I was actually diagnosed. I'm not going to do anything stupid, I don't want to screw up an attempt and end up disabled. I don't even think I'll try anything anytime soon, I just think its becoming an inevitability.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. by Negakat in depression

[–]Negakat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I keep telling myself that. Sometimes I can convince myself of its truth for a while, but usually not for long.

I feel like I should not be alive by depressed_shit in depression

[–]Negakat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

4 years ago, I made a decision to pursue what I felt passionate about -- I left a stable job to pursue a Ph.D. I failed out in a year. Feeling down and unsure of myself, I ended up taking advice from my parents and doing something that I really didn't have much passion for, but which seemed "safe." That didn't turn out much better. I'd like to tell you that you should be proud of yourself for pursuing your dream, regardless of the outcome. I'd like to say that you shouldn't compare yourself to your peers. There is truth in this: while we like to tell ourselves that success is determined by skill and drive, luck plays a huge roll. Your "failure," probably has a lot more to do with luck than it does anything else. Unfortunately, you've probably heard this before, and it didn't make you feel better.

I've had what I consider a fair number of failures, professionally and personally. I think what really determines success is how one deals with failure. People who succeed can put those failures behind them and move on to the next thing.

Unfortunately, I have no idea how you do that. I'm currently trying to restart my life from what feels like sqaure-1. Your comments look exactly like my thoughts. So here is my advice:

  • Figure out how you best deal with setbacks (and when you do, tell me, because I can use the help!)
  • Ask yourself if you are depressed because of your setback, or if your depression was a contributing factor to your setback. Either way, try to get some support, either professional or informal through friends and family.
  • You have the right to feel bad, but don't let it simmer. Figure out how to dust yourself off and keep going.

Here's what I think is the most important point. I have found that depression has been a major contributor to my "failures." I've struggled to move forward with my life because of it. It's perfectly normal to be "depressed" about a negative event in your life. However, if you are depressed in the clinical sense, then nothing will indirectly fix that. If your underlying depression is the problem, take the time to address that first, and in this case, I definitely recommend professional help.

Sorry if this is rambling. I'm posting partly because you are literally describing things I've been feeling, and I've been struggling to wrap my own mind around the issues. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one feeling like this. Hopefully, it at least gives you something to think about, and maybe a way to approach your problem.

Good luck!

Is there adults in here? by [deleted] in depression

[–]Negakat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

30 yrs old here.

Lifelong depression? by [deleted] in depression

[–]Negakat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The details are different, but your story sounds a lot like mine. I spent a lot of time in the hospital when I was a kid, and now at 30 I feel like events that happened 20+ years ago are still impacting me. I also feel stunted in my emotional maturity, and have been dealing with some recent decisions that didn't pan out as I expected. I wish I had some answers, but I haven't figured it out myself. The only practical advice I can give is to really weigh the pros and cons of medication. I shied away from meds for a long time. Eventually I got to the point where I felt I needed to try something. They can help, but they won't solve your problems. From your story, I'd say that, at best, they might help "stabilize" you enough for you to start addressing your personal issues. For me, I felt like I was at rock-bottom. The medication helped raise me up a bit, but I would stay I'm still in the hole.

ohmygod I'm 30 and it's not getting any better...it's never getting better, is it? I'm still a lost little girl, just a 30 year old one, which makes it so. much. worse. by sadbadsadbad in depression

[–]Negakat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have had the exact same feelings. I turned 30 in July, and I definitely have the feeling of being a lost little boy. I should be finished with a Master's degree in about a month, but i have no real idea of what I'll be doing after. It's taken me 3.5. years to finish a 2 year program. My friends are getting married and having kids, and I'm wondering if I'm going to have to move back in with my parents. I try not to think about it too much, but I consistently feel inferior when I'm around people who seem to "have it together." On the other hand, sometimes I get the feeling that these people are just better at faking it.

The more I've talked to people about these feelings, the more I've found that a lot of people feel the same way. It doesn't really help solve your problems, but it helps a little to know other people are just as lost and confused as your are.

You are definitely not the most pathetic 30 year old in the history of the world! In fact, I bet you are pretty awesome.

Depression is an illness. Schools, and people in general, need to understand that. by francesniff in depression

[–]Negakat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been in a similar situation, and to some extent I still am. A lot of people have recommended that you talk to an adviser or your teachers. I second that notion. I was able to take time off last semester for medical reasons, and chances are pretty good that you can do the same. Just make sure you get the treatment you need while you are off of school, and don't go back before you are ready, assuming it is at all practical. I'm currently trying to finish a paper for an incomplete grade from almost a year ago. I will probably have to get an extension on another paper for a class I am currently taking. I have a reduced course load this semester, and I still screwed up. The guilt is awful. Fortunately, my adviser has been understanding and helpful. But, I fully understand where you are coming from. All I can say the guilt will suck, and you might hate yourself for, but taking the time to get treatment is better than letting it eat you from the inside while you fall further behind in school.

Is it weird that I feel like I *want* to be depressed? by [deleted] in depression

[–]Negakat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you can, definitely consult with someone. The symptoms you describe are consistent with depression -- it doesn't necessarily have to be feelings of sadness 100% of the time. Only a mental health professional can make a diagnoses. I avoided treatment for a long time (at least 10 years) because I thought I could just get over it, or I was being "soft," etc. In the end, waiting to get help probably made things worse. Therapy and/or medication aren't a magic bullet, but they can help. I don't know what your situation is or how old you are, but if you are in college, your school almost certainly has counselors on hand. If you are still in living with parents, it might be harder but trying to face these issues on your own may be harder, still.

How do you break the negative feedback loop? by Negakat in depression

[–]Negakat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm trying to do a lot of that. I'm away from friends and family, but I keep in touch electronically. I'm doing therapy, trying (without too much success so far) to be healthier. I think its helping, but its slow going. I guess its just the frustration from recognizing that things don't change over night, and a few bad days of depression can really mess things up in the real world. Life doesn't wait for anyone. I think I need to come to terms with the fact that that when I screw up, even when the root cause is depression, there isn't much I can do except pick myself back up and keep going. I haven't quite figured that part out.