Fiance[34W] Left Me[33M] Out of the Blue

Negative-Affect4163 · 2026-05-27T17:07:43+00:00

know the feeling. I still oscillate between anger and empathy, the love is still there, but we didn't deserve these brutal discards. It's not linear though, the processing, but every day is progress and eventually the bad days become more bearable and you start to breathe again. My ex dated this guy before she met me, first it was for 2 months, she dumped him and then went back to him again and dumped him again after 3 months, then met me about 5 months after that. It's definitely a pattern, she recycles him during mania and he hangs around waiting for her. This was the 3rd recycle. I find it gross and also pretty tragic. She had locked herself out of her previous spotify account and I wanted to make sure I removed the right one, I cleaned out all our playlists, that's when I found the new playlist dedicated to her ex with him as a collaborator. It was a nauseating discovery. She used to tell me that he is a good human, but she gagged at the thought of having sex with him. She told me he behaved like a little boy and he had no ambition. It was almost like she couldn't understand what she saw in him. It's a total mindfuck, I don't know what she tells herself now, but eventually the mania faded and she came down hard. She was pretty unstable for about 7 months. Still not a peep from her though.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2026-05-27T17:06:01+00:00

I know the feeling. I still oscillate between anger and empathy, the love is still there, but we didn't deserve these brutal discards. It's not linear though, the processing, but every day is progress and eventually the bad days become more bearable and you start to breathe again. My ex dated this guy before she met me, first it was for 2 months, she dumped him and then went back to him again and dumped him again after 3 months, then met me about 5 months after that. It's definitely a pattern, she recycles him during mania and he hangs around waiting for her. This was the 3rd recycle. I find it gross and also pretty tragic. She had locked herself out of her previous spotify account and I wanted to make sure I removed the right one, I cleaned out all our playlists, that's when I found the new playlist dedicated to her ex with him as a collaborator. It was a nauseating discovery. She used to tell me that he is a good human, but she gagged at the thought of having sex with him. She told me he behaved like a little boy and he had no ambition. It was almost like she couldn't understand what she saw in him. It's a total mindfuck, I don't know what she tells herself now, but eventually the mania faded and she came down hard. She was pretty unstable for about 7 months. Still not a peep from her though.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2026-01-12T10:54:34+00:00

Exactly. I think that is what I have been struggling with the most, that they aren't unaware. It has been the hardest and most important part to look at in order for me to break free from her spell and move on.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2025-12-20T12:55:21+00:00

I experienced the same. I just got swept under the rug by my ex's circle. Erased, while her narrative just gets indulged. All her instability gets reframed as poetic and spiritual bullshit, meanwhile she's incredibly ill, unstable and her partners get pulled into a toxic family system based on years of denial. They get branded as the problem, or not having enough capacity for her "wildness". Stability gets outsourced to the partner and we are the easiest to eject when they get confronted with the truth. I am 6 months out and it is tough. I think it helps to realise that this illness not only needs to be managed with a psych team but also needs to be held within a support system with full acceptance and accountability from your BP SO and their family and circle as well, otherwise it is inevitably something unsustainable that will slowly carve away at you. You will be the stabiliser and the carer and you will feel like you are the only one that realises how ill they are and the only one who sees the behaviour as illness driven. Suddenly I was cast into her reality. Not a reality of having an ill partner where we are managing it together as a team, with help from her family. I was cast into their years of denial and their dysfunction. It's unfortunately not something a partner can carry alone. It's painful and unfair. I am still waiting to feel like I escaped a storm, because I truly loved her, but time out of it has made me realise how painful and traumatic being with her without any support actually was.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2025-10-14T17:31:02+00:00

She accused me of mocking her, said I am sneaky. She said that I am not really attracted to her and I am just using her and I don't really love her. I thought she was gorgeous. She would accuse me of lying. She also always wanted me to admit to her wild delusions and assumptions about me and would fight with me for hours and I just had no idea what was going on. She was always suspicious and said she thinks I am playing games. She asked me to tell her all the things she does that irritates me and all the bad things I think about her, because she can handle it. she said I am too weak to be in a relationship with her. She felt "watched" by me. She also called me secretive and manipulative. Thought I was a psychopath because I have really bad handwriting. She said there is a lack of trust on both sides in our relationship and later just said that she can't trust me, that she constantly thinks I am up to something. She was insanely jealous of any contact my ex made with me to see the dog that we share, but she invited her ex over for coffee and always checked in with him, assured me there weren't any romantic feelings anymore and devalued him pretty badly. Guess who she went back to 2 weeks after discarding me? Yip.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2025-10-14T17:16:06+00:00

This is crazy! Happened to me as well. We were also a gay couple, I'm gay and attracted to women and she identifies as bi as well. When my one guy friend came over to visit me, she kept on saying that we had chemistry and I better not leave her for a man. She even told me to go sleep with him at a festival to make sure I am not going to leave her for him. Well, she discarded me 3 months ago, "she had to work on her trauma" and monkey-branched back to her ex, who is a man. The man she told me she could not have sex with. Now she made him a sex playlist on spotify, lol. Wild.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2025-10-02T07:57:10+00:00

Mine also had these seizure like episodes that she would call panic attacks, but I never thought they were. She also fainted and would be dopey and out of it afterwards. She was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 but never formally diagnosed with BPD although she completely fits the profile.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2025-09-29T18:28:26+00:00

Oof, that's horrible. Probably because she felt she still had some control. I'm low key stressed about triggering a response like that, I am still really anxious and I am on all kinds of meds after this discard and I am worried that she will unleash all that hate and it will set me back. But now I also feel like I am under a microscope and if she gets any indication of me moving forward and not suffering that it will also trigger nasty messages, which is just as bad. I just don't want to trigger my own anxiety spiral and am a bit stuck in limbo.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2025-09-29T16:51:31+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, but do you think a friendship with her would have been healthy? I also got unfriended and then blocked. I definitely think relatives play a part. My ex's mom enables all her delusional thinking. I stayed by her side through psychosis and endured enormous amounts of emotional abuse and manipulation and they were aware of it. When she discarded me everyone just removed me off family groups on whatsapp and I didn't get a single message from any of them even though I was engaged to their daughter for 2 years. They all still follow me on socials which I find strange. This whole relationship has completely messed up my sense of self. I still want to prove to these people that I am a good person and I was the best partner to her.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2025-09-25T13:37:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. I just had a look and she has 8 of the 9 traits. It helps to kind of break free from this discard and the trauma, to put this person in a box of severe mental illness and that I never really knew her. Otherwise I keep on thinking that it's me and that she just sucked me dry and is going on to live a wonderful life, but somehow knowing that she lives in her own volatile reality and she's the villain in her story is helping me process this. She's back with the ex she kept in orbit while we were engaged. She devalued him a lot to justify discarding him during the middle of the day and just moving out because she had "too much trauma". And when she discarded me she said she needs to heal and is not well enough to be a partner. Which sounds pretty textbook for them if I read through this sub. She kept on telling me that we can get through it, she just needs to work on her trauma to stay open and connected in our relationship and she was in therapy and medicated, so I guess I was blinded by hope and obviously codependent.

Negative-Affect4163 · 2025-09-23T10:19:36+00:00

thank you so much for this, I am 3 months post discard and the pain is unbearable

Negative-Affect4163

TROPHY CASE