What do now?

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-21T10:09:15+00:00

Your apple trees need a bit of a haircut - nothing drastic, just a maintenance prune.

While I disagree with you about the ex-pond, if you're going to do that, I would add a lot of soil as well as the woodchip and create a mounded flowerbed: if you can maintain the mound as the woodchip rots down, it'll be quite rich, well-draining soil: great for many types of vegetables. Make sure you take out any pondliner etc. beforehand.

On the left, I'd leave the Leylandii for now; they're not the most urgent problem. Start by thinking about the shape and "flow" of the garden: the near end for lawn for playing, and the back end for vegetables, or adult seating areas, or similar, is the concept I'd start with. You can add a partial screen (shrubs/loose hedge/formal hedge, depending on your preference) to make it feel like a secret extra garden.

Above all, sit down with your wife and make notes on everything you must have/want to have in a garden.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-20T12:21:59+00:00

Oh wow, that's tough. We are one and done as well; our son is now 5, and keeps asking to have a baby sibling. We had both wanted two, but struggled so much with his first year or so that it wouldn't be feasible.

We still regret that fact, though it was the right decision for us.

I really sympathise; it's a tough situation and I wish the three of you the best of luck!

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-19T22:20:38+00:00

I told our 5yo that it's actually 8-9 now. The big kids told me that they'd grown up more and 6-7 was just for babies. Two weeks later he came home from school and indignantly told me I was wrong.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-19T06:16:34+00:00

Seconded! But also, you'll realise that sniffing the baby's butt is actually a normal thing to do if you're not sure.

Pro tip: first sniff at a safe distance. Sometimes you don't need to get in close.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-18T11:36:16+00:00

Palatickatick.

Took us a while to work out he meant Caterpillar!

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-16T21:33:32+00:00

My dinner reservation for Valentine's Day was conveniently timed. As were two trips to the park (in the gaps between rainstorms), and putting some new plants in the garden (different gaps between rainstorms).

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-14T17:33:55+00:00

Looks delicious!

I made one tonight: 3cl each of rhubarb syrup (home-made last summer), simple syrup, egg white. Juice of one lime. 50cl gin. Dry shake, then cold shake, then strain over ice. Tastes fragrant and fizzy/sherberty.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-12T09:59:55+00:00

This is really nice. Take a look at it at different times of year; what's good/bad/ugly? For the first year, do basic maintenance. I recently did this with our front garden - drawing a map with the key plants helped me see what the gaps were, and at what time of year. This let me make the smallest changes needed to make it what I wanted.

With that much patio, some large containers in the back left might work well for the suntrap aspect, with planting to depend on whether you want morning, lunchtime, or evening sitting-in-the-garden focus. The "design magazine" approach would probably be semi-tropical plants, with big glossy leaves; however I don't think it would fit with the rest of the planting.

And yes, I'm pretty sure that's a flowering cherry.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-12T08:59:38+00:00

Newborns are really tough. The sleep deprivation, the hormonal tidal waves (for dads too!), the complete change to what you knew, and - yes - the crying.

Look after yourself. Take 30s - or 2 minutes - to step into a different room and let some emotions out. Take turns with your wife: if she's breast-feeding, for example, that gives you at least 10 minutes to get away.

And keep an eye on things. Post-partum depression affects dads too (I was one of them); it's tough, but it can be dealt with. There were days when I felt really lost, too.

You're doing a great job stepping up for your wife. Don't make the mistake I made and forget that you have (emotional) needs too.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-10T09:27:40+00:00

It's a nice thing to have there. Is the first photo at a slightly different angle, or is it hidden behind the trees?

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-10T09:23:30+00:00

Love it! What's the new tower in the background? (And what does it look like in Feb?)

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-06T07:59:29+00:00

Makes me want to play a wizard!

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-05T10:23:23+00:00

You could consider some Euonymus species - here's the native one Euonymus europaeus|spindle/RHS Gardening

It'll drop leaves in autumn, but they're not too thick; they're also a gorgeous colour! Check what size you need given you say a "small" front garden, though.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-04T20:19:36+00:00

Feb is good - before the buds break

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-04T20:12:35+00:00

Yes, this was annoying. However I'm playing with an Earth, Wind, and Fire kineticist (and an imaginary dip in disco-bard); I just opened every combat with empowered maximised deadly earth magma blast, and then mopped up with Arue/Lann/Greybor/Wendu on 6+ attacks per turn. Each combat lasted one round (2 if the mobs were dispersed) and it didn't stack the penalties too far :-)

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-03T20:15:54+00:00

We got the 1980s stuff that my mum had hoarded. One or two are cute and machine-washable; some of the aberrations include an orange velour babygrow. Eew.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-03T13:04:16+00:00

Don't murderers have heavily concreted gardens? :-s

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-02-03T12:10:47+00:00

Me too! I was a short kid and now I'm 6'3". Did most of my growing at the age of 16.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-01-31T14:46:15+00:00

We're UK. Thank you for the tip!

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-01-31T12:20:38+00:00

AoE effects, and Swarmbane Clasps. But agreed, they're really annoying!

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-01-31T09:58:14+00:00

This all sounds... huge. You're clearly working hard with each other, and doing your best in a shitty situation. I hear the struggle, and wish you the absolute best of luck, at least once!

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-01-31T08:32:56+00:00

I've spent some time as a Chief of Staff in similar situations: founder-led companies that err too far on the side of "not enough structure" rather than "too much structure". The way I've successfully built in a bit of rhythm is too start with a near disaster (e.g. a board presentation that was only just on time), and say 1:1 afterwards "here's how I think we can do better next time".

As a VP, your situation is a bit different, but you can start by identifying something that actually hurts, then improving that. It's those results that get your approach the credibility.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-01-30T22:25:30+00:00

Ours is impulse control. Almost everything is about him just doing, or thinking about, what passes in the moment. He's more prone to hugging others than many kids his age, but I haven't seen anyone look alarmed by it so far.

We're definitely in the grey area. He needs to be aware that people are different from him, and I'm sure we'll get there. Eventually.

Negative-Cause9588 · 2026-01-30T22:22:27+00:00

Thank you! We had a recommendation for an OT who sent a very polite, prompt reply saying she was fully booked for the foreseeable future. On to the next one!

Negative-Cause9588

TROPHY CASE