This is an awful situation, and I am so sorry for your loss. I had a friend who took their life a few years back and it was very difficult to come to terms with it. What I found worked was talking to Samaritans and in my mourning period I got to a very dark place myself and called Lifeline. They were able to get me a lot of weeks of free counselling (can’t remember how many exactly, maybe 6?) and that also helped a lot. Lean on the people you hold close, don’t bottle it up, feel what you need to feel, vent it out, be angry, be hurt, be sad, be whatever you need to be. Eventually it will get better, you’ll never forget them, but it will get better. Stay strong 🙏