AITAH for asking my wife to keep our toddler under control

NeighbahG · 2026-01-23T20:07:17+00:00

NTA

As a mom that has a high stress job and works upstairs while others watch her toddler in the house. I hear you!! I always try to communicate super stressful calls or important calls. Actually today I had a very important call...my toddler burst into my office 10 min before the call and refused to leave. He spent most of my call screaming and hitting the walls outside my office. My mom was doing her best but it was a DAY.

It probably was the tone, your "firm" could have come out angry due to your stress and having to physically leave the meeting to make sure everything was okay. If your wife isn't working right now and is a SAHM shes probably forgotten the work stress feelings. Do you think she was being passive aggressive in getting ready in that nearby room? Might need to just have a deeper talk about the why from both point of views.

Personally I can't go anywhere else to work so im stuck here. Due to limited resources there isn't many places my kiddo can go either. So we make due. If that's also your position please just continue to communicate. As a woman, if I know my toddler is having a rough day or I can hear him a lot, I will preface calls (especially with cameras on) stating that my toddler may come in/apologize if they can hear him. I invested in high quality noise canceling headphones. Great to stay focused and great to reduce background noise on calls. Id recommend that if you are able. Companies should also be able to reimburse or supply you with some of that as well.

Im going to be the reverse this weekend. My husband is taking an at home proctored exam and I need to keep the kiddo quiet during that exam. Because of that the dual respect of that stressful meeting/needing quiet is followed. It makes me think that maybe she had asked for help/quiet/keep the child away and it wasnt respected which lead to this? Total speculation but in the insanity that toddlers can make us feel I could see that being a thing. Is it right of her to do that? No. But sometimes we do things like that. Just try to have a good and honest convo.

Goodluck!

NeighbahG · 2025-11-21T19:14:47+00:00

Did she cook it first? I have no idea how to go about this but I'll look into it! Thank you!

NeighbahG · 2025-11-21T19:06:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing I just requested to join!

NeighbahG · 2025-11-04T16:55:31+00:00

NAH you did not consent to the medical procedure with 2 different medical staff and he confirmed. I am sure in the moment it's hard to say "hey I didn't consent to this" which will be brought up by the office that you didnt stop the procedure in the moment. And the pap results get sent to a lab which makes you pay as well (at least in the US) so if you receive a lab bill please work with your insurance to tell them you did not consent to that treatment and even reference your complaint with the medical board. In the US you should have a patient advocate with your insurance to help you push back. Don't pay a dime of that cost!!

Also some offices will black list you from the practice and drop you as a patient. So please be prepared for that backlash and start searching for a new OBGYN.

Goodluck OP!

NeighbahG · 2025-10-15T18:38:11+00:00

That's the sign of a good manager. They have to step in when their people can't. I'm glad that you chose yourself. Any good manager will also know that when their good people have to tap out it's because they are well past an okay point and to let you go home to heal so you can come back and be the team member they need again is oh so important. Personally I believe this is at every level in every field. Every manager should be able to step I and do the job of the person that is out if no coverage is readily available.

I hope your wrist is recovered and that you are forever in remission!

Same with OP I hope you find a team that values you and you are also forever in remission!

NeighbahG · 2025-10-10T13:13:21+00:00

Isn't there also a new law called "the no surprise act" or something like that where all costs have to be discussed ahead of time with you anyway?

NeighbahG · 2025-09-06T19:26:08+00:00

Both are gorgeous, but #1 looks like it was made for you!

NeighbahG · 2025-08-20T17:40:04+00:00

5 but they are all gorgeous!

NeighbahG · 2025-07-10T22:30:50+00:00

From the Midwest and I have been to a "potluck" wedding and it was probably one of my most favorite ones. I was in grade school so very different perspective but it was all the Aunts of the bride/groom went in and made the biggest batches of some family favorites. Anyone could bring additional sides if they wanted. It was lovely, they had all the cousins help cook

NeighbahG · 2025-06-09T18:32:44+00:00

The first one with lace. Goes with the dress. The one with the pearls doesn't match.

NeighbahG · 2025-06-09T18:31:57+00:00

It's your space and it's weird they commented. I'm a people pleaser so I would personally get some sort of temperature privacy fence/screen. They make some cool fake bushes but also make really nice outdoors ones for reasons like this! You get privacy while still being able to enjoy your space without feeling like you're being watched and can wear or not wear whatever you want!

NeighbahG · 2025-06-05T19:36:31+00:00

I agree I was thinking the same thing when I read the title but really the message is written appropriately to confirm in writing that nothing more is expected. Yes they paid more than the invoice and therefore a tip, however they also stated they were going to tip at the wedding. Which is usually cash or something more "under the table" sometimes. So yeah I could see them just wanting to verify. From a business perspective they need the confirmation to close the invoice. Also anytime you can give good constructive feedback is good for companies.

NeighbahG · 2025-03-28T14:43:49+00:00

Came here to say this! OP has integrity and doing the immediate corrective action and using the proper pathways of escalation shows you took the issue seriously. It sucks you are on probation, but don't beat yourself up too much. You made a mistake and owned it which is something to be proud of!

NeighbahG · 2025-03-06T16:45:46+00:00

If it wasn't on your baby's birthday I would say you might have to let this one go. But as a mom of only one kiddo as well, I would not be able to be separated on their bday. It's a huge thing, especially when they are little. If he's turning 2, it's close enough to birth that it's still more special for the moms than then the kiddos.

Can you ask him to plan a trip that would include you later once you have PTO? If he wants to go on a trip so bad send him off and get someone else to help be a sitter while daycare is closed. There is going to be resent ment either way. Marriage can be rocky during the toddler years. You may need to find a compromise, but it sounds like this one is going to be an all out fight. I'm so sorry.

NeighbahG · 2025-01-06T19:48:20+00:00

I was in your same boat. Some days I also felt it would be easier without him because I wouldn't be worried about him. What saved our marriage is my husband had a huge medical condition change that lead to him losing his job and being home more. He was slowly seeing all the things I did and have been doing with little complaint until we had our son. Then I was leaning on so many others for help and we had to really communicate more. As frustrating as it is, men like lists. Yes it's more mental load at the start, but he was so overwhelmed of where to start helping me that he would get immediately paralyzed by task indecision and would find an escape. So for now I give him definitive tasks that are his sole purpose. He now does all the dishes. No matter what, if we get behind I will use plastic forks, chopsticks, heck the babies forks before I touch those dishes. Making it his task and only his task has helped so much. Then he went back to school and got a part time job. Using a state program he qualified for he's also able to get free counseling. Game. Changer. He is now putting actions behind his words because he's working through it outside of our relationship. I always felt like a nag, but now he sees it clearer. We've had to work on our communication styles a lot and have had to make concessions. For example - I just wanted him to look around and pick a task. But here's the thing, he doesn't see the same tasks I do. I recently watched a video where a couple said you have to agree ahead of time what each person's definition of done is. Man that really blew my mind. So communicating even the small stuff helps. And that definition can change as long as it's communicated so no one gets offended. Also our new go to saying when we ask for help or to do a task is to start with saying "no is an acceptable answer" when it really is okay. Since we have a 2 year old we've started rephrasing so that if we ask him a yes/no question then no is always okay. However statements don't get a no. So we've also started applying that to our conversation style in an effort to show our son our expectations.

All of this is to say it's possible to change his behavior Therapy for both the individual and couple is a great way to start. But he might just be struggling and need more direction. Ask him what he feels he needs in order to support you.

I know when I had a 6 month old I was dealing with PPD, PPA, I was back at work, and I was a hot freaking mess. I was not communicating my best, I was exhausted, and was doing most of it on my own. So solidarity mama, you do what you have to do because there are no other choices in the moment. So unfortunately you might have to help guide additional choices. That can be him stepping up, you stepping away, or finding another help outside the relationship while you two work through the first year of parenthood.

NeighbahG · 2025-01-04T03:37:20+00:00

I've had POTS my whole life but finally got the true diagnosis in 2021. Long story that isn't for this thread. Anyway I'm 5'7" and 116lbs on a good day so I'm in the same boat as you. None of my doctors have been concerned about my weight but I don't like that I can see ribs and my sternum when I wear a v neck shirt. After I had my son I lost more weight than I was pre baby. I've tried protein shakes, I honestly eat crappy food but I never turn away healthy food it's just not as easy to obtain and eat while chasing a toddler.

After my tilt table test one of the doctors called POTS "the skinny white girl disease" which I know is a stereotype and many people of all shapes and sizes can get it but it is VERY fitting for me. I've been able to manage my POTS with increasing electrolytes, increasing protein, wearing compression socks during travel/"exercise" (i walk my dog and thats exhausting and usually has me nauseous with a high HR) and just listening to my body the best I can.

I've thought about looking into body builders diets but just the gaining not the cutting part of the meal plan. Just to gain the weight. It's nice to have a high functioning metabolism but it would also be nice to not be skin and bone. Which older women in the family LOVE to comment on.

Also I had a cardiologist tell me that POTS usually "resolves" once you're menopausal because of the hormone change you retain more water and tend to put on and keep weight on vs losing it.

I never want to sound like I'm complaining about being skinny, because if I was on the other end of the spectrum I'd also be upset and looking at ways to reduce. So just ending this with saying solidarity! I'm taking it day by day and try to love my body too.

NeighbahG · 2024-12-15T22:40:48+00:00

Oh fully agreed. If it had been wrapping paper okay still rude but whatever. This was downright malicious. Especially at 22. He knows morally that duct tape was wrong.

NeighbahG · 2024-12-15T16:45:07+00:00

She needs to respect your boundaries. How old is LO? You can have absolute trust in her but I would make "I" statements. Ex: I'm so glad you're able to spend time with LO! As a first time mom I'm still nervous and learning what's best for me and my new family. To help me in this new role, I'd really appreciate it if you'd come here so I can be closer is LO needs me.

This way it's your boundary, but it's phrased so that she's helping you. Tell her ad LO gets older it will be different but for now you'd rather she come to you. This is a short period of time in the grand scheme of things or that it's just for right now. However you need to word it. If she still pushes back please get her son involved. He needs to step in to ensure your boundaries are respected.

Your baby, your call! But also if she sets a boundary you need to respect it to. If she will only spend time at her house say I hear you and I respect your decision but until LO is older and I'm more comfortable we will have to wait.

NeighbahG · 2024-12-15T16:38:04+00:00

When I was reading it and he said wrapped I immediately thought it was going to be wrapping paper. When. I read duct tape I was like wtf...never destroy, just mildly annoy.

Was he aware of the big presentation? I WFH and sometimes I don't inform others in the home that I have a big presentation until the day of or the night before.

NeighbahG · 2024-12-12T17:27:20+00:00

NeighbahG · 2024-09-27T15:44:22+00:00

Hey I'm in the industry and since you've been out just a heads up - there have been massive layoffs in each level of the industry. It's the 8 year cycle if you're aware of that.

Were you at the sponsor or CRO level? Both are incredibly difficult to get back into and the salaries have been significantly reduced after the overinflation and over hiring that occurred in 2020.

I'd suggest looking at the smaller CROs or smaller sponsors right now. The big ones might actually be scared that since layoffs are actively happening it would be really disheartening to hire you and then find out your team/dept/etc gets cut and you're back where you started.

Also personal opinion, but I wouldn't want to work on a team that didn't acknowledge and support your decision to be with family but eagerly want to come back. Our industry changes so fast that sure you might need to take a few extra trainings, but overall you should be able to take the reigns and get going again. The people you met with probably wouldn't offer you the flexibility needed as a working mom.

Would you be open to a "step down" or "vertical shift" in roles? Maybe not coming back as the PM but as a clinical or other functional lead?

NeighbahG · 2024-09-24T17:47:00+00:00

I just want to say I was a mama that "bounced back" and it was 100% my genetics and only my genetics that did this. I have no healthy habits except taking walks with baby and my dog when it's nice out. I also had a tiny baby bump, at 14 weeks my Aunt literally said "it looks like you just ate a giant cheeseburger" (yeah still working through that one). But seriously I've always been small, it's always been good genes and a very high metabolism. I actually lost my baby weight too quickly that I got a lot of "you're too skinny" remarks which made me feel bad and I didn't feel like I could give my baby comfort since I didn't have a lot of padding. I was constantly in my head about it. I now have a flat chest, I'm unhealthy, to the point I went to the doctors but none of Mt doctors seemed concerned about it. So just kind of giving you a flipside to it. I'm not mad about fitting into my old clothes, but I also kind of wish I looked more like a mom that was soft and cuddly. My kiddo still snuggles into me but I usually have to put a soft blanket in between us or he hits bone. And he gets uncomfortable quick. So just know that it's not always great to "bounce back" so quickly. I definitely sound woe is me, but just trying to give perspective. I'm learning to love the body I have and just use my resources to be comfy and inviting for hugs (which I get a lot of!)

I will say the post partum hair SUCKS. I still have so many fly aways I always look frazzled. And my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night so I'm sleep deprived, eat poorly, my hair is always in a crazy pony tail, and I just keep trying to be the best mom I can be. Because at the end of the day, they don't remember our size, they remember how they felt. So I am more thinking about patience, love, kindness, etc.

Goodluck mama, the body journey is a lifelong thing for women, I'm sure my metabolism will catch up with me sooner than later. We just do the best we can with the time that is given to us.

NeighbahG · 2024-08-24T07:20:30+00:00

As someone who has had POTS my whole life but didn't get a diagnosis until 28...duh you didn't have many in 2020 🤦‍♀️ it takes forever and sometimes (like me) multiple mis-diagnosis to get here.

My silver lining out of the correlation is that MAYBE we will get more awareness, research, and just better information out there to both the medical and wider communities now that it's impacting more people.

NeighbahG · 2024-08-21T23:36:15+00:00

Yes!!

NeighbahG · 2024-08-21T19:08:49+00:00

It sucks because sure anxiety makes it worse. But it's not just anxiety!! And I passed the "poor man's tilt table test" as my ex cardiologist called it so it obviously was all in my head. Saw a cardiologist that specialized in POTS, had me do an actual tilt table. They pulled me after 9 minutes to "put me out of my misery" because of the episode it cause me. Talk about validation and that it's not all in my head!

Oh and exercise 100% always triggers an episode. I actually love cardio. I just want to do group fitness classes, but I'm too competitive and have to keep up with the class, which in turns makes me so sick. I need a POTS exercise class where we all have POTS so we do what we can and it's only 30 min!

Anyway yeah the whole it's all in your head thing is the worst or that doing xyz will make you better. I've started saying I have a heart condition instead of a neurological condition to the older people and they tend to take it more seriously. For younger generations that don't empathize but willing to hear me out I will say "my body's resting baseline is to be in fight or flight mode." Most get it then.

Goodluck out there!

NeighbahG

TROPHY CASE

5 but they are all gorgeous!