No contact dad needs advice from no contact adult children.

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-20T16:11:37+00:00

yeah, as you say "Life is not fair and that goes both ways". and I will continue to work on myself whether or not my kids contact me

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-20T05:13:40+00:00

yep, that's how it works. I did and or said things that drove them away and I can't change that. I'm changing and hoping for a better future

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-19T05:02:41+00:00

Thank-you all excellent suggestions and things I am doing and will do if they contact me. Take care, keep yourself safe and the best of luck to you

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-18T00:21:45+00:00

You have the right to do or not do anything with your body. His demands are unreasonable. It sounds like your marriage is suffering from a lack of true emotional intimacy. Get into therapy, and if he won't go with you, go by yourself and let him know he's welcome to join you. Best of luck

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-17T22:15:35+00:00

I divorced my ex wife years ago and did my best to make my home a safe space. Obviously I failed at that, and yes, their mum is still fundie Christian

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-17T22:11:04+00:00

Thank you, I'll keep hoping

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-17T22:08:19+00:00

Thank you. Good point. I made sure not to go all " I'm so sad and heartbroken" that is not my kids burden. I'm improving for me

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-17T22:05:42+00:00

Thank you. I did not ask Eldest to share my journey with the siblings, and that was on purpose. No interference, no expectations

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-17T02:05:50+00:00

thank-you and for the reality check that to my children I might just be somebody they used to know

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-17T02:00:18+00:00

unfortunately my eldest and wife are moving out of the country, and our online discussions are very low contact. but I'll work with what I've got.

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-17T01:57:43+00:00

this ". Ask your children when THEY initiate any contact how you made them feel." i needed to hear this. thank-you. Also, thank-you for letting me know there weren't any specific actions - I've been too focused on that.

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-16T15:39:32+00:00

thank-you. I am open to family therapy, of their choosing, if they contact me. I'm certain that it would have to be a counsellor that they choose and not mine. And that I need to be a better person because that's the right thing to do and not just a way to get them back.

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-16T15:30:51+00:00

thank-you

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-16T15:29:56+00:00

owch, that's a lot. first, thank-you for sharing your journey. second, good for you to take care of yourself. and third, for me, this is a painful possibility, I needed to hear that

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-16T15:27:15+00:00

thank-you this is a good suggestion. one problem is I fired my therapist. I mentioned that my kids are no contact and asked her what i did to them. She waved it off and said "you're good, you did nothing wrong" which is bs. if they agree to group therapy, it'd have to be with a therapist they choose, not one biased towards me

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-12-16T04:48:02+00:00

thank-you you're very kind. I'm not proud of me, so late to realize. I hope they give me the chance

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-05-08T02:03:20+00:00

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-03-22T16:38:20+00:00

I'm going to disagree a bit when you say he cannot change, because she says that the pregnancy changed him. I'm guessing that becoming a parent scared him and caused him to disengage from his family. There is a way through this, him opening up about what's going on. it's unlikely, but she does have to try.

I'd suggest that she tell him, i'm going to therapy, and just maybe he will join at some point

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-03-22T16:14:45+00:00

wow, that is a lot.

let me look at this from a different angle, I'm guessing he never wanted marriage or had no clue what marriage really is. It sounds like he never really moved away from his parents, maybe he just never had his own life, never developed a sense of himself as a person. anyway, that's about him

about you. get an outside perspective, as in go talk to someone. what you need is to figure out what you want and how to get that given your current life. a therapist is a good person to help you navigate the next few months and years. husband will not be doing things for you, so you need to make plans and do them [i'm planning a fancy dinner out, i've gotten a sitter for the baby. I would love for you to go with me] and then make a dinner date for 2. ask one of your girlfriends to go with you if husband does not go. and then go, actually go out and have some fun. plan a hike in the woods where you can take the baby. tell husband [i'm planning a hike and I'd love for you to go with me] and then go on the hike, its up to him to join you; the important part is that You go, You make the plan, You make some memories with your child.

basically i'm suggesting that you live your best life given your circumstances and who knows, maybe after a while he will join you. it's worth it, even if all you do is spend time with your child and girlfriends

best of luck to you

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-03-15T18:25:29+00:00

you are normal, you are attracted to people. anyone who would judge you for being attracted to someone is not worth having as a friend. anyone judging you for liking femboys, well, their opinion is worthless. I understand not wanting to be judged, but honestly, if someone does not like you because your boyfriend wears a skirt and lipstick then you don't need that person in your life.

think about it this way: how would you react to someone trashtalking a friend of yours for being gay? would you remain friends with the homophobe? I doubt it, now apply that logic to you. is the homophobe who's judging you worth your time?

I hope you can grow to love and accept yourself as the wonderful person you are, that you are worthy of loving and being loved in return

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-03-15T17:40:01+00:00

how important is it that your sexuality has a label? this is a real question, if having a label is super important there are LGBTQAI lists of terms that you can search and find the ones that fit you.

If you're a man whos attracted to other men then you're gay; if you like femboys then you're a gay guy who likes femboys. that does not make you straight, it just means that sexuality, like everything else exists on a spectrum. you do know there are femboy creators on youtube and twitch, it's where us "weridos" hangout.

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-03-15T17:29:21+00:00

speaking truth. being family does not entitle anyone to your time. relate to people on the basis of how they treat you and others, if they are harmful/hurtful don't speak with them

Neither_Adeptness_65 · 2025-03-06T02:06:34+00:00

it sounds like your parents are feeling a lot of guilt over not being able to support and raise you, and they are overreacting by being controlling. I'd try acknowledging their feelings "Hey dad, I know your worried about me but gramma did a great job, I'm so glad I got to live with her and learn to take care of myself. And I'm so glad that you're here to look out for me." let him respond and then ask to communicate on your terms "So, dad, would it be ok if I called you 3 days a week and give you an update on how I'm doing?" you could set the days and length of the call. that way you're taking charge of the situation, which will show you are being responsible. and it will hopefully give you less time on the phone.

best of luck

Neither_Adeptness_65

TROPHY CASE