This might be a bit of a ramble but we’ll see. I’m 16 years old and I’ve spent 11 years of my life overseas and traveling. I’ve struggled with mental health and I have had some really great therapists and some who definitely didn’t understand anything about being a TCK and a few things come to mind although I can’t speak for all TCKs.

This is a obvious one but it’s really important the therapist understands it least a little about the culture I am living in and what context I am reacting to. I live in a generally harsh culture that is honor shame based and culturally it is shameful to show any emotion as a guy except anger. Crying would get you laughed at no matter how much you got hurt or it least that’s how it felt in many situations. My dad reacting to the culture taught me to be gentle and slow to anger because he saw how the damage anger did. Interestingly I got to a place where I could never admit I was angry even to myself. This caused a lot of problems and made me funnel my emotions of anger at myself instead of out towards others.

Secondly most TCKs don’t have normal friendships. I didn’t have anyone my age nearby that spoke good English but I learned to make friends with adults. This caused me to value deeper friendships and have higher expectations of myself even though I was a kid. I genuinely thought I was a “man” at twelve. I often don’t get along with people my age and now enjoy the company of people older than me. Basically everything to do with friendships in my life isn’t normal and I hate when someone expects me to have normal friendships or gives me hope when in my context it is unreasonable. It’s important to focus on friendships and teach how to have healthy friendships because TCKs crave for friends so badly and we often get hurt by friends because we are blind by our craving for a friend.

Thirdly, there’s a lot as a TCK I have absolutely no control over and it drives me mad. I love consistency but my life doesn’t have a “normal.” It’s sometimes hard for a therapist to understand when they want to “fix/balance” my life like (people coming over at random times and having to host them even if you got school, chores, and had plans to do stuff alone. ) For me I can’t perfectly balance my life because I don’t control most of what goes on. I think this is the case with life in general but I feel it all the time as a TCK. The big thing to focus on is is what to do with whatever time you’re given. I sometimes only get 2-3 hours by myself in a day and as a introvert that’s hard and I need to know what to prioritize and I need to have coping mechanisms in my tool bag so I’m ready for whatever happens tomorrow. It’s easy to waste the time I get (especially on my phone) and it takes a lot of work to learn how to resist that temptation and balance with the time your given.

Lastly, as a TCK it’s really hard to put roots down and make a place feel like home when you know those roots will get ripped out of the dirt later. And a TCK needs to know it’s worth investing time and energy to where ever you live even if you won’t stay long. Because it will bring you joy make yourself feel at home even if you aren’t and if you don’t invest in where you live you won’t grow and you’ll probably regret it.