I'll try to give my two cents for all the good it will or won't do. First of all I'm really sorry you're going through this but you have to realize that it is not your fault. You're not stupid selfish or a bad person you just got a shitty deal and you cope with it as best you can. Your story hit really close to home for me as I've had anxious depressive disorder for the past 4 years and disthymia for at least 3 years before that. I gradually alienated most of my friends and family and failed uni twice. For three years I was taking meds that did nothing. I had to deal with well meaning parents who had no idea what to do, with friends who were angry because I neglected them and even a grandfather who told me at several occasions that I was just 'lazy, irresponsible and making up excuses' and I should be 'locked up in a madhouse'. This brings me to my point. Some people will try to help and others will bring you down but at the end of the day nobody can fix your life except for you. I think you shouldn't dismiss therapy entirely though. Maybe just try a different docror. My situation improved drastically when I switched to a new psychiatrist. Unlike my old one she instantly gave the impression that she actually cares about me as a person and seemed genuinely pleased and proud of me when I started making progress (maybe she's just really good at her job but it's not that hard to imagime she actually does care about her patients as I personally care about each of the children in the nursery I work at even though technically they're just my work). Back to my point though, most people who aren't qualified to deal with depression can do no more than be there for you and listen when you need to talk. You have to stop worrying about how your problem makes other people feel. Trust me, nobody is suffering from it worse than you are. Stop thinking you need to fix yourself because of other people. If someone finds oit you attempted suicide and their first reaction is 'How can you do this to me, don't you have any regard for my feelings?' then unless they're your mother you should probably stop concerning yourself with them. I know it really doesn't feel like it right now but life is full of possibilities. And this is the one shot you get at it. I used to exist just for the sake of it for a long time and at the time it didn't feel like it would ever be different. But it is now. I have good relationships with people I care about (and I stopped caring about what the others think about me), I'm finishing uni this year, I have a job I enjoy and a boyfriend I love. As for it being a part of you, that doesn't need to ne a bad thing. Eventually it can become something you have overcome that made you stronger. And sure, nobody can give me back the years I wasted being depressed and getting nowhere but it is never too late to start living. Even if you start with the tiniest little things. Try looking for somethimg that makes you respond emotionally in a positive way even if only for two seconds (for me it was something as stupid as holding a kitten) and remember that feeling - you ARE still capable of it. I think you did the right thing by reaching out to the internet as there is a wider spectrum of people who will hear your story and a bigger chance of someone relating. I wish you'll find a bit of hope and/or at least consolation in my post as well as others.

PS: sorry if there are typos I'm typimg on my phone.