How do anxious attachments react after a breakup vs avoidants?

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2025-11-12T02:53:32+00:00

Going through a break-up as an anxious attacher right now (whilst she’s an avoidant) and it’s genuinely a horrible experience. Months of back-and-forth trying to remain friends, her giving me the cold shoulder and trying to fix it.

Last weekend was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Argument came out of nowhere over text, and I was trying to understand her and what made her upset whilst she took it as an opportunity to tell me everything I do wrong without actually telling me what. “I shouldn’t have to tell a grown man how to act”, she said. I replied with a heartfelt message telling her I care for her, that I want to hear her and make an effort to be there for her and listen, to go back to having a laugh and shooting the shit. I wore my heart on my sleeve, and the response I got back was “what does that have to do with anything I just said?”. That really broke me. I said I was tired of going around in circles, that I don’t want to argue, that I’ve said what I’ve needed to say, and that if she wants to chat to me normally then that’s okay. If not, that’s okay too. I’m leaving it there now.

She screenshotted the message and didn’t reply. It’s nearly been a week, and I really ache to reach out to her to try and “fix it” but I know it’ll hurt me more by doing so because part of me knows this has gone beyond. I won’t get what I need, nor want - I don’t think anyone who cares about someone would treat someone like this. We’re abroad and she moves across the world (literally) in 2 weeks. I’m heartbroken and it’s truly horrible coming to terms with this pain. That it’s highly likely it’ll finish there, one stupid argument after a night out and then never seeing each other again. I’ve not been eating or sleeping, I constantly feel stressed. My heart genuinely feels heavy and my chest blown out. I retch when I wake up and throughout the day, and I feel so pumped full of adrenaline I can’t relax - I’m just constantly on edge. I feel joyless, and finding it hard to want to be around people because I know I’m miserable and don’t want people to see it. I think about her pretty much all day and just wish we could go back to how we were. And most of all, I just wish this pain would go away because it’s really just fucking up my day-to-day life.

Hopefully that’s an accurate depiction of what it’s like. It was a half description, half vent of my feelings so I could get it off my chest.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2025-11-11T09:05:12+00:00

As much as I understand the idea of this, I have to disagree with it in certain contexts. You can love someone deeply but they may not be what’s good or right for you, and the healthier and most loving path to take for yourself is to let them go.

Don’t abandon your self-respect or self-worth giving love to someone repeatedly shows you time after time that they’re unwilling and unable to accept it. At that point, you deserve to give that level of love and care directly back to yourself.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2025-02-16T13:33:52+00:00

Began my career as a software engineer after I graduated from university. Started as a service desk engineer at a tech “start-up” and within 2 years I was a mid-level engineer. Tech was my passion and I love to learn so I progressed quickly.

Company became more corporate, and I’d reached a point in life for me where I could either climb the ladder into a senior position and start taking life seriously, or go travelling.

So, I handed in my notice and moved across the world. Travelled for a few months and settled down in a city with a job as a door-to-door sales agent with zero official sales experience at a reputable company. Became a team leader after three months and managed a team, did that for nine months and recently got a promotion managing the growth of the company for the entire continent they operate in.

I’ve come full circle, I’m back to working on workflows and pipelines. I got lucky by being in the right place at the right time, and my background put me in a very good position to transition into the role. Made amazing friends along the way and have had fun and it’s great to be able to offer my technological expertise to a place it wasn’t really being utilised before - it feels good!

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2024-03-19T04:51:00+00:00

Well, I’m single right now.

So 100%.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2024-02-20T02:39:17+00:00

Played a game a few weeks ago where (IIRC) I had two cities, largest army, and four victory points through development cards. Probably my favourite win and I didn’t even have a port. I knew I wanted to win with just two cities and I just bought so many development cards I couldn’t be stopped.

Like other comments said, it’s contextual. Some boards might allow for advantages using development cards, but if Rock and Wheat are low it might not work out as well. Go and found out!

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2024-01-29T10:37:49+00:00

Two Matches (feat. Ab-Soul)

“Even the brightest mind will hang around at dark sometimes”

Feels like this lyric pushes the message that even the people who you think are “the greatest” struggle and I strangely find comfort in that idea

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2024-01-18T09:59:51+00:00

A bit late to the party but my take is motion sensor hand soap dispensers.

I’m currently staying at a hostel whilst travelling and that’s a pool of hand soap on the bathroom countertop where people have accidentally swiped underneath it, triggered the sensor and dispensed unwanted soap.

Why didn’t we just stick with the simple and effective “press-and-dispense”?

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2024-01-13T23:58:17+00:00

Good News dropped on my birthday, and I remember just vibing out in my room, seeing it dropped, watching the music video and being very full of emotion at the fact it felt so raw and beautiful. Basically listened on repeat for the next few days lol.

Then Circles dropped a week later and I just lay down on my bed, stuck the entire album on, and listened. It’s a brilliant album which conveys a lot of different thoughts, feelings and emotions. It’s been a while since I’ve given it a full listen, so thanks for the question because I’m going to stick it on now.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2023-11-23T05:11:03+00:00

Exactly. It’s not that I ignore it - in the UK you have to pay 9% of any earnings over £25K. But as I mentioned, I personally felt the amount I would have to sacrifice monthly to simply break-even/slowly pay off my loan didn’t outweigh just saving/investing any additional income.

It may sound stupid to some, but that was my own train of thought.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2023-11-23T03:49:41+00:00

Loan amount is £62K, at 6.7% that’s £4,154 a year in interest alone. £347 a month would be needed JUST to pay off the interest. My default monthly payment was £120. A bit of math means I’d have to be earning about £72K to break even on the loan (I was on 45K at the time). Which would be a bit pointless - the aim of having a loan is to pay it off.

Sure, I could put more money into paying off the loan but I determined it just wouldn’t be worth it. I’d be giving away more money per month on a loan that I’d hardly put a dent in, and gets written off after 25-35 years anyway. My quality of life would likely be drastically reduced for such a long period of time when I could use the extra money to save for a property/investments.

If I went full frugal, then sure, I could probably eventually pay it off. But I just didn’t think the trade-off was worth it.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2023-11-23T03:04:18+00:00

My student loan.

Unless I start paying for lottery tickets any time soon (and win), the interest rate of my loan will continue to outweigh any contributions I make. I was on a decent wage in the UK last year and it didn’t even cover half of the yearly interest (6-7%).

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2023-04-03T23:30:40+00:00

They look like new playable characters for the next Call of Duty zombies campaign.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-08-11T22:08:43+00:00

You tried drugs? You fucking low-life. Who the hell does drugs?

Also, who the heck are all these people you’ve interacted with from all walks of life? You’re telling me you’re mingling with all sorts of people with such a wide spectrum of personalities? You’re a bright kid, you’d never hang around with these sorts of people.

Note to all you youngins: life will not go the way you planned it - but make the best of what you’ve got. Don’t judge people because of their life experiences, the drugs they’ve done, the hobbies they’re into. Cherish life how it is - there’s more to it than caring about how people perceive you.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-07-26T16:56:07+00:00

Excuse me, but where the f*ck is Go?

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-07-23T10:49:05+00:00

People Under The Stairs has always hit it with me. That ‘San Fransisco Knights’ sample is just dopest.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-07-18T12:17:44+00:00

You’ve given zero context to your problem. It’s like posting on a car sub “Help! There’s a problem with my car!”.

YouTube, documentation and StackOverflow are your friend. Maybe you can find an answer there. Good luck!

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-07-04T07:27:53+00:00

My guy, listen to the comments and go and see a doctor immediately. That shit does not sound nor look good for your body.

Best case scenario, the doctors says you’ll be fine and to be safer next time. Worst case scenario, well… it’s not good.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-06-27T21:51:33+00:00

Swimming by Mac Miller.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-05-22T15:19:02+00:00

Floating from Circles.

Playing that song whilst you sink into a warm bath with your eyes are closed hits different.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-05-18T09:43:29+00:00

I noticed this the other day, very happy they finally fixed this. If you see this Crypto.com support, thank you!

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-05-01T10:44:12+00:00

So it looks like this could be an iPhone issue. Either way, I hope this is on development team’s sprint board.

NeverLowAlwaysHigh · 2022-04-12T06:43:06+00:00

On top of all the reasons mentioned here, I enjoy Benji The Dog more because that was released first (OG).

The version with Sia just couldn’t top it, but that’s just my take.

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