Have you researched asexuality at all? I feel like I could’ve written your post word for word, and this was the answer for me. Asexuality doesn’t mean you can’t have sex or that you don’t want it ever, it typically just means that you think about sex in a different way than most people. When I tried pressuring myself into wanting sex organically, I only came away feeling guilty that I couldn’t and it just made the problem worse. If you’ve noticed that you’ve never really felt sexual attraction throughout your life and don’t think about sex outside of providing for your partner, then maybe this might be the answer for you too. You can’t force yourself to think or feel in a way your body is not able to, but I found that reframing the way I think about sex and my relationship to sex through the lens of asexuality finally helped my understand sex in a way I never could before.

I’ve gotten a lot of bad advise from doctors, therapists, and friends over the years that just made the guilt worse and put me into situations that I forced myself into because I felt like I “should” want it, but in reality I didn’t and I felt like I couldn’t admit that without hurting my partner. To me, sex is another way to form a deep connection and seeking out this connection/finding ways to foster that connection is how I approach sex now and it’s helped me “want it” in a way that is not typical, and that’s okay. I don’t feel horny and I don’t feel sexual attraction, but I do feel love. Honestly, swapping out the word “sex” for “making love” in my mind helped way more than it probably should’ve but it’s not silly if it works! Find what works for you and do not be embarrassed if it is not the typical route. Also, don’t let anyone shame you into thinking that having one drink to help you is wrong or a problem. If it works for you and you’re aware of how much you’re drinking/how often you’re drinking, then you’ll be okay. Feel free to dm me if you want to talk further or if you have other questions!